Self-Improvement Blogs (525)

"You logged into blogland like you were walking on to a yacht
Your words strategically placed along the lines
Your pic, it was fairly dark
You had one eye on the webcam, and watched yourself smirk
And all the men dreamed that they'd be your 'cammer,
They'd be your 'cammer, and....

You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this blog is about you
Don't you? Don't you?"

With apologies to Carly Simon.

How many people, when they read that, thought "why is she writing about me?" Or, is that me, or is that so and so? How many people assumed that it was about them? Or someone here? Hmmm?

A major reason that we develop suits of armor, is because we assume that the other person knows what's in our heads. We assume their intentions, their motivations, and that their perceptions are the same as ours. We assume we know what's in their heads, and make up all kinds of stories in our heads to suit those assumptions. And sometimes, in a disagreement, we accuse them of those assumptions, without ever asking.

And how many of us have been dead wrong? And felt quite foolish afterwards for having assumed something that wasn't true at all? We assume that we're not only the centre of our own universe, but that we're the centre of others, as well. Ummm... no.

We all live in our own heads, with different perceptions based on our life experiences, and what we've been taught. So, when we're hurt or angry by something someone says, we assume they know what our experiences have been, and that they're attempting to upset us deliberately. But, how can a mere acquaintance know our experiences and what our buttons are?

Even in close relationships, we assume others intent and meaning. And then they assume ours. And before you know it, the fight is on, both assuming what the other one means. Neither one listening to each other. Sometimes, the intent is to hurt or retaliate for a perceived hurt on their end. And round and round it goes.

So how do we get off this carousel?

Learn to be impeccable with your word and to stop taking anything personally. Stop making assumptions. Instead of assuming other things are about us, start asking questions, in a calm and reasonable fashion. Start stating what we really want. Not words cloaked in manipulation, but clear concise statements about what we want and need.

The more we don't take anything personally, and don't make assumptions, the more we can communicate with others clearly to avoid misunderstandings.

How making assumptions works. Someone says something to us, and we start weaving a story in our heads - a negative story, about why they said what they did, and what they meant. So we write this huge mental story around them, assuming that it's true. Of course, if it is true, then we feel fairly self-righteous.

But many times, it isn't true. It's true for us, because that's our perception through our own eyes. Their perception may be entirely different, and unless we ask, we have no way of being able to clearly identify their intent or meaning.

So what if we didn't make any assumptions? What if we didn't assume we knew what was in other's heads, and stopped judging them negatively, because of what's in our own?

There'd be a lot less drama in our lives. We assume we know what others mean or think. We assume the worst, and judge others, based on the assumption that they have judged us. So if we stop assuming anything, we stop judging, we stop making up stories, and life becomes a lot less complicated. In fact, other people start to be a lot less threatening and a lot less frightening.

...cont in comments....

its better to be born a bit crazy .becose when you go a bit crazy ..people wont notice it so much ….t. m dillonger..

That's the spirit : half a job is not a job, as a leader you do not get away............. ......... 'Dancing like a butterfly, stabbing like a bee', that was the strategy with which Muhammad Ali attacked opponents who were much bigger and perhaps also much stronger than he was.

Hi guys long time no speak, hope your all well, some may remember me as Wolfie, I had to get rid of Wolfie ( my jeep) last year, I now have a Nissan juke, who is red, and is called duchess. Anyways, I'm back for the Craic, and wanted to let you know.... I'm a record breaker whoop whoop... well we were a team, of exactly 2505 ladies who stripped off and ran into the Irish sea on June ninth in Wicklow... we had a ball, well, we had no balls actually lol..

So, any ladies up for it..? .....next year We are thinking about going international, perhaps a different country every year,

If someone does not approve of certain actions of a person, does that mean he/she HATES that person?

HATE is an very strong word.

He/she may feel a certain degree of disapproval towards certain actions of that person but may not necessarily HATE that person

Is it fair to label others as HATERS of that person just because he/she disapproves of certain actions of that person?

Labelling others as HATERS merely because they may not approve of the actions of a person is childish and immature.

If you do not agree with the views of others, then criticise their views logically and constructively rather than resort to name calling and dergatory remarks.

This is a violation of Blog Rule 2:

Treat others the way you would like to be treated – with respect - be polite, considerate, with no personal attacks, name calling, harassment, bad language.



Comments?

My surname is registered as a domain name for awhile. So, what kind of web site do I build using it.

I've written a little about my bratty fjord x, who in actual fact, saved my life. I won't go into that, but how, a few years later, I was able to pay it forward by rescuing a thoroughbred mare.

The ad in the paper said $500 so, for some reason, I went to see her, even though I didn't have the funds to purchase her. It was our typical cold, rainy November weather, and she stood, her neck parallel to her withers, her head down, her eyes dull. Her coat was long and rough, and as I ran my hand down her side, my hand easily slipped between her ribs to my middle finger. Her hip bones stuck out, and she stunk of the pond she had to wade through to get to her shelter.

The owner, a small woman, said she was pushy and refused to feed her because of it. Um, I'd be pushy too if I was starving. I asked all my horse friends to go look at her, as I sensed something wonderful about her. No one wanted her. She had no energy to canter, and one trainer said she didn't have the right gaits.

I asked my daughter's British trainer to come look at her, and she said yes, she had beautiful conformation, but a 'pig' eye (small) and was at a point of using her muscle to feed herself. She felt she was worthy of a $500 investment, and I arranged with the owner to pay him in three instalments and took her home.

The first thing I did was throw a blanket on her, and let her and my daughter's thoroughbred get to know one another over a fence. It was love at first sight. Alfie (my daughter's horse) was thrilled with the new arrival. They went into the same paddock with free choice hay, my mare only interested in the food.

I couldn't think of a barn name for her, her registered name being one that was so far from what she was at the moment, there was no way I was using it. After spending time with her, Moka became her barn name, her personality a little sweet, a little spicy.

Through that winter I brushed her morning and night, trying to get the stink of the pond out of her. Gradually she put on weight, her neck and head lifted and her eyes became bright. It seemed to take forever, and one day in April of that year, it seemed that when I took her blanket off, that all her winter coat came with it. There stood proudly before me, a gleaming dark bay beauty.

Over the winter, I'd taken her across the street to the riding arena and lunged her on a long line, teaching her to walk, trot, canter on command. She'd get so mad at herself when she'd pick up the wrong lead and kick out and capriole mid air to change leads. Her athleticism was astounding.

My daughter took her to a cross country event in June, and everyone asked where we'd gotten her, she was so beautiful, including the trainer that said she didn't have the right gaits. Moka smoked it in dressage, her canter was so even and rhythmic. She loved to jump and had to be held back rather than pushed on. When she saw a jump, her ears perked forward, and her attitude was 'hang on, because I'm going.' There was no hesitation with her whatsoever.

I did all the ground work with Moka, as I knew she was too much horse for me. I did get on her a couple of times, and her canter was so smooth, it was like riding a rocking horse. She was so athletic and talented, she had no hesitation in doing anything that was asked of her.

Moka continued to thrive, and her and Alfie became inseparable, mirroring each other's movements, laying down at the same time in the same position, looking like bookends. There was something so similar about their eyes, and when I researched Moka's pedigree, found that they'd had the same grandsire.

The first time I let Moka (and the other two) out into the field after that long, cold winter, her and Alf raced down the hill to the back of the 10 acres, kicking, bucking and squealing. My favourite memories are at dinner time, shaking the grain can calling them in for dinner, and watching them race each other up the hill, Nick trailing behind.

To be continued.

Do you ever look at your life like someone else may look at it? Do you ever take yourself out of yourself, and look at your life from a different perspective? As if you aren't you? Like looking at yourself through a camera lens.

I do that sometimes. I remove myself from me, from all the emotions and ego, and just examine what I've been paying attention to. And I ask myself, is this worth putting any energy into? If my attention is hooked, then I've invested some kind of energy - positive or negative. If I devote any energy to it, then I must care about it in some way.

Let's face it, if we don't care about something or someone, we simply don't devote any thought or energy to it. It doesn't hold our attention for one second. It's like this blog. Have I hooked your attention? Enough to read it? If I have, then you've devoted some energy to it. Now, I can ask you, what did you feel about it? Anything? If I hooked your attention enough to read it, if it's meaningful to you, you will feel something about it, hopefully something positive.

If it's not meaningful in any way, you may feel I've wasted your time. And then you will forget it. A fleeting moment lost. But perhaps you're angry that I've wasted your time. So you write a nasty comment, venting your anger at my blog. And thus, I have hooked your attention enough for you to care to elicit an emotion and to make a comment. And if I respond to your negativity, then you have hooked my attention enough for me to care and perpetuated that negative energy.

But sometimes that camera that we look at life through, has a very narrow lens perspective on it.

I know there's a quote by Maya Angelou that says something to the effect that people may not remember what you say, but they always remember how you made them feel. Now, I do have a bit of an issue with this, because no one can 'make' us feel anything we don't choose to feel. But people do remember the energy one emits. And it's up to us, whether we choose to emit positive or negative energy. If the energy one emits is always negative, then it isn't any wonder that other's don't want to be around that kind of energy on a consistent basis.

In widening our focus, we get to see so much more than the pithiness of ourselves. That as much as our lives are about us, our own dramas, our own plays, our own tragedies, our own comedies, they really are about living wider than our own narrow perspective. About loving and accepting ourselves enough to be able to share that with others. Not in a way of trying to control what they think, do, say, or believe, but in a way that benefits them - giving them what they truly need. When we help others, we help them believe in themselves. Of course, the payoff is that we get to feel good as well.

And I truly think that's what life is about. Not hoarding who we are - but sharing ourselves. Not seeing what is wrong with everyone else, but seeing what is right. Not concerning ourselves with what others do wrong, but only in our own goals and what we can do 'right'.

And I think that's what optimism is. Living wide. Seeing life through a wide-angle lens. Seeing that everyone has something of value to offer, even if it's to teach us what we don't want in our lives. To help those that actually want and need our help. Being able to 'scan' with the wide angle lens, and then narrow the focus only on those things and people that are worthy of hooking our attention, emotions and energy.

I don't think it's ever too late to learn how to live wide. To change one's focus and perspective. To not only feel good oneself, but to help others feel good about themselves. And it's up to us whether we want to focus on the positive or negative.

We all deserve the abundance that this life offers and to share it. We all deserve to be happy and feel loved. We all have value and deserve to live the fullest life possible.

Open up the lens as much as you can. Live wide open.

Intense morning light pours into my kitchen through the patio doors, illuminating it with a warm glow. Bouncing off the glass patio table top, I'm drawn outside to partake of my morning coffee in one of the comfy blue & white striped cushions on the chairs. The towering peak and presence of Mt. Cheam gleams brightly as rays stretch from behind a mountain range, exposing it's ragged edges and previously shadowed crevices.

Although unseen, I can hear the distinctive skree of an eagle, overhead. A soft green haze covers a neighbouring budding tree, partially hidden behind a cedar hedge. Birds trill and flit to and from said tree, perching briefly on limbs. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves of shrubs surrounding my patio, tickling my bare legs. Sadie kitty emerges from her prowls under the hedge, rolling contentedly on the warmth of the aggregate patio.

Oh, that wondrous first day of sitting outside in one's nightclothes, sipping hot coffee, one's inner being as burnished by spring's radiance as much as one's surroundings. An exceptionally glorious day to be alive!

I've been asked why don't I write about deeper subjects, and my reply is, I have. I have over 1200 blogs on another site from ten years ago that chronicle my journey through a very bleak and black period of life, immersion in self-help and self-improvement books, and a quest to be the best I can be. Although the mission is still very much alive, the urge to share is not as great a need. I have found that place of contentment, of choosing to be happy, and ever so grateful for where I am today.

Without those dark places, would I appreciate the vividness of today? Without those many people and authors that touched my heart and pointed me towards the brightness, would I have recognized those issues that required me to examine and deal with them?

I no longer am looking for love, as I found it within myself. I don't need anyone to 'complete' me, as I feel entirely whole. A partner would be nice, but it's not a necessity, and if one shows up, it'll be wonderful. If not, it'll still be wonderful.

After tension, drama and overwhelming stress, I'm so appreciative of the area and home I never thought I'd have, that's what my focus is. Enjoying life. Squeezing every last drop out of it, and sharing the wonder and beauty I see when nature draws me into her arms. How my camera has changed so much of my perspective to the point of taking risks and facing fears I'd otherwise never attempt.

My journey in learning photography has not been as quick as I'd like it, and has been, to say the least, frustrating at times. It's also been extremely rewarding. After just reaching level 2 in our club, last night's exhibition rewarded me with a 9 out of 10 for one of my photos and the highest mark in level 2, winning first place. W00t!

I'm the newest member in level 2, and this is only my second exhibition, so I'm pretty stoked, considering there are a lot of members in that level. Of course, photography is like any artistic endeavour, and it all depends on the adjudicator. She had some awesome tips for me for another photo, which I'll utilize later.

So yes, I could write on my favourite self-improvement authors, which books led me to the most enlightenment and why, and perhaps, in time, I might. What I did learn is every person has their own journey, and it's not a contest as to where you are on your climb up the mountain. We're all climbing together, and it's not how you get there, it's whether you do or not.

In closing, I'll add the photo that earned me top place last night. It's a reflection of tree trunks in the water, when I sat on the edge of a bank for hours, watching the ducks through my camera lens, and as the sun began to set, cast a golden tint over the slough. Reversing the photo and bumping up the colour turned it into an abstract that some love, and many won't.

In following my blog from yesterday, I figure life is like horse riding. That it can be a great ride if I want it to be.

That sometimes your ride it at a full out gallop, fearless.

And others, it's an enjoyable smooth canter and over way too quickly.

Sometimes it's a choppy trot, but worth the experience.

Others, it's a slow, peaceful walk.

Sometimes you voluntarily dismount.

Others, it bucks and rears and you experience an Involuntary Dismount.

I learned it's not how you get off or on that matters.

I learned it's whether you do or not.

I learned that those Involuntary Dismounts taught me the most.

I learned that it wasn't how I landed, or whether I was injured or if my pride was just hurt or bruised.

I learned it was whether and if, I got up and got on again, and how I acted about it that mattered.

I learned it was how I acted that made a difference in whether the ride was enjoyable and smooth, or whether it was rough.

I learned that it's up to me to change my actions, to change the reaction and/or consequences.

I learned that dirt wasn't one of the four food groups, but that whatever dirt I ate, that sometimes, it was just part of the ride.

I learned that whining about it and blaming my horse didn't win any sympathy, respect, or friends, nor did it change the results of my actions.

I learned that my horse's behavior and personality mirrored my own.

I learned that what goes in, comes out.

I learned that there's always sh*t to shovel, and that whatever you pick up, it's easier to just dump it and focus on something else.

I learned that flinging it only leaves a mess and the likelihood of wearing it.

I learned that just because I carried a whip, didn't mean I had to use it.

I learned that sometimes using a crop was necessary, but brutality never was.

I learned that most times, a crop isn't necessary, but listening to what your horse is trying to tell you, is.

I learned that my horse was always glad to see me as long as I had treats.

I learned to leave any bad mood at the barn door.

I learned that if I could completely control my horse as long as I could control myself.

I learned from watching others, that you can beat a horse into submission, but they'll never respect or trust you and you'll never get their best performance, and that you can never trust them.

I learned that no matter how much I learned, that my horse could teach me more.

I learned that even the worst ride is better than no ride at all.

I've learned that the smell of a sweaty horse after a glorious ride is sweeter than the most expensive perfume in Paris.

I learned that in life, just like in riding, you just have to cowboy up.