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I don’t know what they call it these days, but when I was at school, if a boy and girl got together it was called ‘going out with’, as in, Dave is going out with Shirley. I don’t think Dave and Shirley actually did go out with each other; if I remember correctly, Shirley was more interested in Dave’s mate, Phil. People would never ask directly if someone would go out with them, they always did it through a third party. I can’t be sure, but I seem to think it was more usual for the girl to ask the boy, rather than the other way round. I say I can’t be sure because it was never a ritual I was very much involved in. Lack of both self confidence and eligibility saw to that.

The only time I remember joining in the ‘going out with’ game was at the weekly school dance, when one girl decided her friend needed a boyfriend and went prowling round the dance floor asking boys, at random, until one said yes. I’m afraid I was the first idiot to say yes, completely unaware that I was probably the fourth or fifth to be asked.

The next hour had me in a state of bewildered anxiety. To draw an analogy with the old football league table, this girl was probably upper second division, whereas I was middle of the fourth. This mismatch left me feeling completely out of my depth; you don’t jump in at the deep end when you can’t swim.

News travels fast when you would rather it just sit down and stay put. It wasn’t long before someone came and congratulated me; I think he found the situation harder to believe than I did. Someone even gave me advice; a division one boy, actually. These interventions only left me feeling even more out of place, and as the end of the dance got nearer the fear grew stronger.

As I was standing there thinking I would obviously be expected to do something about something when the dance ended, but having no idea what, there, out of nowhere, the girl was standing right in front of me. She looked me straight in the face and said, ‘I don’t want to go out with you,’ and then just walked away. I can still remember the hot tingling sensation that started in my face and then spread to the rest of my body.

Perhaps it was considerate of her to say anything to me at all: she could have just gone straight home after the dance, leaving me to wonder what had happened. All I can say is that it didn’t feel considerate at the time. I suppose we were both victims of her friend’s thoughtless stupidity, although I can’t help feeling I was the most injured casualty of it.

While the incident was devastating at the time, I don’t imagine it had a long lasting effect on me, I was probably over it in a few days. On the other hand, all our experiences go into the mix as our character is forming, although I can’t say how much influence this particular experience had on what was to become the adult me. I still don’t have much self confidence in social situations but I like to think I’m a bit wiser than I used to be. Now, if a woman asked me if I would go out with her friend, I would be a lot more cautious with my answer.

Okay, in a moment of weakness you have cheated on your partner. You got away with it without discovery, but your indiscretion was instantly regretted. You have resolved never to do it again and you’ve lived up to it to date.

But now, after a few weeks, months or years, you feel guilty about it. The chances that your partner will ever learn of it are negligible but your conscience is getting the better of you. Should you confess or not?

While confessing will relieve your own burden, it is very likely to do more harm than good for it merely attempts to shift the guilt from you onto your partner. I have been cheated on before and the very first thing that came to my mind was: ‘What did I do wrong?’ And by listening to others, I learned that many of them felt that way as well.

On the other hand, should you keep quiet, your partner may learn of it from other sources. Such discovery may well lead to the end of the relationship and most certainly to a lost of trust.

So, whichever way, you run the risk of losing. Not that you deserve any better, you did screw it up.

But two nagging questions still remain:
1. If you have cheated on your partner at some time in the past, do you confess or not?
2. If your partner cheated on you at some stage in the past, do you want to know about it?

So, what gives? Do you confess or do you keep your trap shut and hope for the best?

May you enjoy your day.

You made me think of Linda Ronstadt.

Yes I do love my Giant so very much.
Yet, I made him cry on that day..

Wilujeng Tepang Tahun, Kang..
Sing pait daging, pahang tulang
Tur jauh balai parek rejeki
Mugia salamet dunya aherat
Bari teu aya kuciwana.
Aamiin..

I have been in several bad relationships since childhood. There are things that aren't taught to you in school to warn you of these situations. You are told to believe and trust your parents, even though they might be the very ones that are harming you.

As an adult, I have been exposed to people and situations that I never dreamed of nor knew about. There are a lot of sick people in this world, and it is hard to know that until years later. I have come to learn about homeless people who were drug addicts, and didn't want a real home.

I found out about alcoholics the hard way. Even people who only drank socially or had two drinks in their own home can become violent. There are those who are also controlling. You are told how to dress, what you can and can't do, where to go, that their opinion is the only one that counts, or that they are somehow better than you.

There are people who will take advantage of you as a friend, and take everything you have when you least expect it. I have also learned that if you desire someone when you are desperately lonely, you can still be lonely because they weren't the right one for you and it becomes even worse!

When you think you've had enough, the bottom will fall out, and then you will panic and want to die. In that moment, you are truly suffering. It is like dying. You want to scream, throw something, panic, get swallowed up in the ground, runaway, get revenge, vomit, take your own life, and cry till you are sick and have a really bad headache. Truthfully, it will last for several hours. After that, you have decisions to make. You know what they are.

My advice...try to have a plan before it gets as bad as I’ve described. Even if you only can take one step at a time or one step a day. Any action is better than none. Find a church, a group, caring friends, anyone that can help you in at least one way. I don't mean moving from the frying pan into another fire! Look on the Internet for help.

Try the Salvation Army and 211 Helpline. They usually have resources to help and can refer you to. Even if you called the Battered Women's Hotline, they have resources as well. It also helps to just talk it out with a professional over the phone.

If you are around an alcoholic, try not to get them riled up. Leave the room, the house or the relationship, whatever it takes to stay out of the way.

It is always wise to pick your battles. If your words are going to get you thrown out, bite your lip, leave the room, get some air, calm down, and don't get into it. Close the bathroom door and cry if you have to. My best advice for all of the above situations is to not make any more unwise choices.

In the meantime, chin up, take one day at a time, breathe, and make some sort of action plan if you can. Hide money or valuables, or open a bank account. Get on food stamps. Go to the food pantries in your city. Go to different churches to see what they can help with.

Last, but not least, write about it. Just write your feelings down on paper. Anything and everything that you are feeling. It helps not to be carrying all of those burdens around on your shoulders every day. Each day has enough of its own troubles. Deal with that day only. Be brave and don't let them destroy you!

You are worthy and important, and maybe you don't feel that way, or see it, but one day, you will have something to hope for and improve upon.

I still have my life to look forward to whenever I am able to claim it. I have dreams, goals, wishes, and wants. I have suffered for years, and gone without, but I will keep trying until I am dead and buried. That is why they call it “life.”

I'm not sure who are more emotional, men or women

I've seen men who are more emotional than women, my ex-husband is one of them. I've seen women who are tougher than men, not a cry baby like me

Each one of us deal with a break up differently...easier for some, harder for most and it could take forever for others. It's harder for me but I managed to keep my pride and dignity, picked up the pieces and put them all together as best as I could...came out stronger, more matured but managed to be the same person that I am...crazy, big-hearted, kind, trusting, gullible, funny and with lots of love to give. It didn't take long for me to get over my divorce as someone was there to catch me on my darkest and deepest hours...made me feel important, wanted, loved and gave me reason to move on.

My ex- is having hard time letting go, he's now married for 2 years and have a daughter whom I adore. He told me that he could never love anyone else...and no one can take my place in his heart. I laughed it off...I look at him as a friend now, the father of my son...no more than that...my heart belong to someone else now. He told me that letting me go was the most stupid thing he's ever done and if he could turn back the time, he'll do things differently...even offered to buy me a car if I date him again He's an Arab so I'm very cautious, don't want to protest to much so I tried to shrug him off in a funny way...trying to deal with it carefully...very carefully. I want him to have a happy life but out of mine.

Men show their emotions in different ways...some can be very subtle, it would take a woman full of love to get it. They react in a way we least expect, would take a lot of emotional and mental reflection to be able to understand them...at least for the men I know Most men might move on and easily find someone else, but their heart beat for "THE ONE" that got away...that's just according to my limited experience and observations.

How long did it take you to get over your ex-?

Happy Monday everyone

This one was written in Indonesian language, I am translating it now.

Feel free to give opinion or see the grammar mistake, I need it :)

Mike

Nad did know what made her heart beat faster before her meeting with Mike. Is it Mike, or the fact that this will be the first time for her to meet another man after her breaking up with Dave four months ago. A break up after their four years relationship.

Nad could still recall those soft lips from her first meeting with Mike. Those lips which kept talking. About anything. His study in Sorbonne. His girlfriend whom in the beginning was so attractive but then became like a fungus, which kept sticking in your skin and became annoying. His fingers moved beautifully as he talked, almost like a dancer, which made Nad imagined how it felt to be touched by those beautiful fingers. The movement made his “NEMO” tattoo on his fingers seemed like dancing. Inviting.

Those soft lips and dancing fingers, Nad could still recall how many times she imagined kissing those lips and felt those fingers on her skin. But she did not do it, because that was their first date.

And now, even after six years, Nad still got that vibe knowing Mike was in town. Yes, Nad and Mike accidentally got in touch again. They exchanged messages via messenger, and agreed to meet again.

And that meeting happened. Last night. All night till dawn.

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Untranslated part… on progress…

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Mike went on dawn. And they made a promise to meet again a year from that night. Nad did not know whether she would look forward to that day. She also did not know whether she would still feel this heartbeat when they meet. What she knew was, from now on she would be able to sleep with a smile on her lips, because Mike’s lips has erased Dave’s lips from her lips. And Nad hopes that night spent with Mike, will erase Dave from her memory.

I know a bit about the BDSM world. I did some writing on a project about the fetish lifestyle and, consequently, ended up dated a woman who called herself submissive.

Everyone is at least a little kinky. Often the ones who seemed the most normal are actually the most bent.

I enjoy a role playing and a bit of kink, but that wasn't what I found fascinating. It was the concept of power dynamic and the question of how much it played into relationships on a level that I hadn't thought about.

The woman who called herself submissive, was proud of it actually, wasn't. What she liked to do was 'top from bottom'.

A true submissive relishes the idea of giving up control and being in the power of someone that they trust.

Someone who 'tops from the bottom' relishes the idea of giving up control, as long as the person who they give that control to does pretty much exactly what they want.

While she wasn't the most self-aware girl I ever dated, she was quite intelligent. And the one thing that she said to me, that years later has got me thinking, was the idea that two dominants can never be happy together.

Anyone want to weigh in on that one?

Chances are!!! you've probably heard about Tinder, Ok Cupid, Happn, etc etc. Those mobile dating app that become so huge it has changed the way traditional online dating sites approach like C.S.

Pretty much everyone who is single seems to use it, and even a few people who are not. While we're sure the intentions of the developers were noble, these app started off as something of a fast hook-up network, but when the wider public caught wind of how fast, easy, and unobtrusive it is to use for just meeting new people generally, it changed into something that spans the whole range; from quick trists to proper relationships.

Have you tried some of these app? How was your experience? Do you still believed C.S is the best option to get a date?

How much truth is written in a profile?
Here are a few untruths I have found.
One guy, seems to unage with time. When I first spoke to him on cam, his age on CS was 76.
Looking at him, he looked like 80 and I asked him, yes, he was 80 but “felt” younger!
At the moment, a few years later – he is now 74 (!)

Another one, I think he got his age right, but not his marital status. The profile is not a new one and marital status is given as divorced. Just before we were supposed to meet, I get a whatsapp from him saying his wife has just arrived at their house so he wished to postpone are first meeting. I blocked him, only forgot to block “telegram” too. A few weeks later he begs to continue our getting to know each other and that they are in the process of divorcing (she is 82!).
Finally, we arrange a meeting for a few days later, get a whatapp saying sorry, met another woman on CS and will not be meeting me.
Poor her – lucky me!

Thinking about all strange profiles on CS - the, mostly younger guys, showing the most hideous profile photos.
To me it shows their "intelligence" nothing more. A good "start" on CS- or not?