mcradloff Poetry (529)

I haven't gotten beyond this Bah Hum Bug!
I really haven't
And it is because I know I need to be more generous
I need to make my own transformation
I wish sometimes I did own a company like the one I work at
I wish I could double their salary
I wish I could provide them with a comfortable temperature
Health care would be free so a person didn't have to worry
About financial ruin because of high insurance premiums
And low benefits
The workers would be happy to come to work
The overtime would not be allowed so they could rest
And spend time with their family
So that we, all of us could truly say God bless us everyone!

Darth Vader is the best character in that movie franchise
Is the new guy going to be as bad?
It's like when Nellie left Little House on the Prairie
They brought in this new girl to replace her
She was bad, no doubt
But not as good as Nellie
Jabba the Hut was a fun character
He liked to feed people to creatures
Like that ant lion type one in the desert
Yoda was fun
Is he going to be in the new one too?
I only have a Darth Vader some where in my cupboards
I used to have a Darth Vader as a kid back in the 70's
I also had his fighting craft
It was fun pretending to be him
He was rich
He had a battle station that could blow up planets
What did Luke have?
The force?

So nice to see
All the Christmas gifts under the tree
But what about the ones that don't fit under the tree
The ones that really mean a lot to you and me
A full tummy full of good food
A special song that puts me in a good mood
A kind word from a stranger
The baby Jesus in the manger
Earlier this month we had Christmas snow
Lighted houses that bring that holiday glow
Time off from work
Donald Trump and his comments that make me want to smirk
Larry David's impression of Bernie Sanders
Coleslaw from Colonel Sanders
Star Wars and Daddy's Home
A friend talking to me on the phone
All these things and many more
Give me hope that you can't find in a store

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18)
Pisces (2/19 - 3/20)
Aries (3/21 - 4/20)
Taurus (4/21 - 5/20)
Gemini (5/21 - 6/20)
Cancer (6/21 - 7/22)
Leo (7/23 - 8/22)
Virgo (8/23 - 9/22)
Libra (9/23 - 10/22)
Scorpio (10/23 - 11/21)
Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21)
Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19)

Today is a great day for all of you, no matter when you were born. I am a Leo, being born at 11:50 pm on July 31, 1969. So believe me when I say, you will do great things today and in the future. The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!

I am the only turkey on the planet that does stand up comedy
Hey bartender! Can I get a drink over here?
Give me a vodka giblets!
Put that on my bill!
Last night I met a couple of chicks
Now that's what I call a turkey sandwich!
Then I found out one of them was pregnant
Boy, did I have egg on my face!
I guess the yolk was on me
I husband is engaged with lascivious sex with a dead turkey
The exhausted husband looks up and says, "How am I doing Honey?"
The wife says, "No, no, no, I told you to pluck the bird!"
I got only one thing to say to all you hungry humans out there
Eat me!

Hi
Names Jebediah Claptrap
I'm mighty sick and tired of raisin barns
Churning butter, plowing fields, and raising 12 children
So I struck out and found a life among the English
First I was an Amish and now I am a day trader
I used to drive a buggy pulled by a horse
Now I have a Mercedes with a 445 horse engine
Varoom!
I still worship the lord
But instead of working by the sweat of my brow in the hot sun
I work in an air conditioned office in a luxury chair
When asked if I miss the Amish life I used to have
All I have to say is
Nope!

Thanks for making a road for me to drive on
Thanks for the good songs I listened to on my drive
Thanks to the people who made my car that gets me around
Thanks to the guy who drove the gas truck so I could fill up my car
Thanks to the mechanic for fixing my oil leak
Thanks to the hockey players who risk injury for my amusement
Thanks to the zamboni driver who cleans the ice between periods
Thanks to the woman who made my chicken the other day
Thanks to the chicken for being tasty
Thanks to my snails for making many babies for me to look at
Thanks to the earth's tilt so we have seasons like fall and winter
Thanks to the clouds so the sun didn't hurt my eyes on my drive home
Thanks to the librarians for getting me movies, music, and books
Thanks to this computer at the library so I don't have to spend money

I will be getting my turkey next week
I have the bag to cook it
I already ate pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes and gravy
I also want to get sliced turkey at the deli
I shop at Walmart and Piggly Wiggly mostly
Sometimes I shop at ALDI's
I ate some cranberry sauce
I don't like real cranberries
I have some stuffing left to make
Some people are vegan
I know I should eat more vegetables and fruit
I don't like to see animals suffer, but I love meat
KFC doesn't treat their workers or the chickens nicely
But I love to eat there
It is the time to be thankful
I will be thankful for my turkey
I will be thankful for my family
Even though they are very hard to be around
Mostly I will be thankful for four days off work

August 29
Michael Jackson's Birthday
He was born in 1958 in Gary, Indiana
He was it back in 1983 moonwalking and exciting people
I bought his album Thriller
He has had so many good songs
His first number one single as a solo artist was Ben
He had Janet Jackson sing on his song PYT (Pretty Young Thing)
"PYT's repeat after me sing La La La (la la la)"
Man in the Mirror was my favorite off his Bad album
Black or White was the best off the Dangerous album
History had a touching song "You Are Not Alone"
They say if you want to be professional at something
It takes three hours a day
Michael was said to take around 10 hours a day
Practicing his dance moves and singing
It is a shame his music didn't play on the radio till after he died
Now he is remembered for his great work
His great love of his fans
His great spirit

I want to live in a big house
Having central air conditioning
A fridge full of food
A patio where I cook steaks
A dog named Banjo who adores me
A wife and son who love me
An abundant writing and acting career to pay for it all
Deer who come to my back yard to eat corn
Squirrels who come for corn too
A lake where I can ski and jet ski
Fish I can feed bread by hand
A big screen tv to play my video games on
Another big screen tv to watch movies and shows
I would be healthy
I would be strong
I would be happy
I would not be alone
Everyone would have the same
Everyone would be loved and no one would be alone
This is my dream

Bad Parents
Jealous Coworkers
Minimum Wages
Endless Overtime
Bad Working Conditions
Illegal Aliens
Rape and Murder in Dubuque
Depression and Suicide
Poverty
National Debt
Jerod and Cosby
Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Manson
Wars around the world
Every president since I've been born
The Cash Store, Security Finance
Casinos and Compulsive Gamblers
Overpopulation
Invasive Species
NAFTA
Hell and the wrath of God

Charles Manson "When I stand on the mountain and say do it, it gets done!"
Jeffrey Dahmer "I didn't ever want freedom. Frankly, I wanted death for myself."
Ted Bundy "Ultimately those crimes of images, impulses, and behaviors
that ultimately led to the violent behavior."
John Wayne Gacy "Do you realize by 1993 half of families are single parented, and that shows a breakdown in the church and not holding families together."
Wayne Williams "A drop shot is a man that isn't worth much of anything, just drop him and shoot him and get him out of the way."
Albert Desalvo "Before you know it I put my arms around her and that was it."
Aileen Wuornos "The cops knew who I was after I let Richard Mallory die. I left prints everywhere."