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Scenario - They are watching TV at his house. Woman rubs her shoulders, mmm, I’m cold. Man nods, yup, it is quite cold, and carries on watching TV. Eventually she gets up in a huff, finds a blanket, then sulks because he doesn’t care about her. He is completely bewildered.

Theory - women should be clear. If she wants a blanket, she should say mmm, I’m cold, could you get me a blanket? He will. Men are nice, but not automatically caring.

Scenario - he comes back home after a really bad day and collapses in a chair. Honey, would you get me a coffee? She says (or maybe just thinks) huh, what did your last slave die of? You think your day was so bad? Etc.

Theory - men should not be clear. If he wants cossetting and sympathy, he should say only ‘I’ve had a terrible day’ and then stare into space looking stressed. Her natural nurturing will kick in, she will bring him a coffee, even give him a shoulder rub (or any other little service which might cheer him up) because her protective caring instincts have been aroused. Women are nice, when not belligerent.

Just a theory, and not mine, but I thought it had legs.

I saw this quote from Dedo from last year on another blog, and it struck a chord with me.

"What would happen if you had a glance in to the book of destiny and found out that your Mr.Right.or soulmate lives 12.000 miles away,is a garbageman and has 9 kids ..."

Notwithstanding the 9 kids , what would we do?

If we were told our soulmate , our One, whatever you want to call them, lived across the globe, would we take that leap? Make that move?

Or would we find excuses not to?
Using our work, our family, our lives, our health, our not liking flying, lack of resources, (add your own excuse here) to not go.


How far will we go, both physically and emotionally, for love?

Or maybe it isn't that important in the grand scheme of things.

When I try to recall my hormone drenched, skirt chasing youth, it seems this had only one main dimension. Does age change this for us? Do we now look more at the whole person? Is this wisdom, experience or merely fear and pickiness?

Often we are told we create our own reality. We have our own perceptions of reality
We judge by our own perceptions. Yet, how we discern reality is measured
by the way we personally live and understand the world around us.
Beyond social media, beyond what we see in the so called real world, or the internet world, there is a different
reality that transcends us to a reality that reaches the universe. Our constant need to be loved and understood.

The hope of connection to higher levels of understanding brings us closer to our God. Wasting our time on foolishness trying to bring harm or to undermine one another is not conducive to our highest good.
We can offer all kinds of gems of wisdom on occasion. We can selectively offer our love to those who may
feed our ego yet, we can also ask ourselves how is it working for us to our personal goals in finding what we seek or what we think we need?

The universe ultimately gives us what we need not what we want. Those who think are self made and self sufficient may only be lying to themselves for it took stepping on and using people to reach their goal.
True enlightened people seek only to build others up to offer their own life lessons and hardships along with their accomplishments to show humanity a better way to offer healing. They have overcome the ego and self interest.

They offer love that brings healing and is not in conflict with themselves. We all have the potential to change to offer hope to the hopeless to love without expecting in return. Here on a dating social site no matter our thoughts of how the world should be, always consider whose fault it is if nothing pans out the way we hope?
Its so easy to blame others and so easy to criticize yet, so hard to face the one in the looking glass and ask why our world is so messed up or so lonely or something just not right.

Perhaps if we have the courage to face our worse enemy which is in most cases the fool we see in the looking glass and consider our motives, our ways, our perceptions, on life and love, we may learn that beyond the crap we feed each other, the fighting, the petty arguing, the anger and misunderstandings we may see that many honestly love each other and are like family and friends that will always have each other.

Those here who communicate here through their blogs and forums on a daily basis beyond the stupidity the nonsense and foolishness there is a lot of love exchanged whether they believe it or not.
In a world gone crazy and mad with war and social injustice and uncertainty perhaps its time to learn to embrace those who we have and see the cup as half full than half empty.

I envy most who have that kind of connection for that is what this site is all about!!
Sure we can please some, some of the time but, can't please all, all of the time but, the few and even the one is all we may need.
Be honest with yourself and others and be true to your friends. Nobody is getting any younger or healthier griping and complaining to one another.
If you have anyone who gives a crap about you at any level and wants to see you improve and believes in you be thankful for its no picnic walking this life alone.
For myself I have hurt a few who believed in me over petty crap and because of that I have nobody to count on. Yet, I choose not to go back to past.

Those who still have a social network and even family to count on learn to embrace them and count your blessings accordingly.
The question we must ask ourselves what kind of world we believe in and want for ourselves to bring our highest good that we can be acceptable to the God we dance to.

Most of us are middle age and older and we are not getting any younger or prettier or handsome. We have our scars and our badges of hardships. Perhaps, we can learn to look beyond our petty differences our cranky ways and see the beauty we all have.

It takes much work and time to build but, little effort and mere seconds to destroy.

Over the years,days, weeks, months or even few hours that experienced of knowing each other doesn't measure on how both have the connection.
I have gone thru it. Believe me it hurts so bad. When believing it would come true because what you wish only is keeping him in your heart but he wasn't true at all. How can someone build a TRUST when one go through this.
....but thru it all God never leaves me and whisper to believe that
DREAMS BECOME REALITY.

I just want to let everyone know that I am currently in a relationship. Things are becoming better and better by the day. I am very lucky to have found such a wonderful woman. I hope everything works out well in our future, right now things could not be better. She is perfect.



But, I do enjoy the blogs here and I will be still writing blogs, participating, and hopefully continuing to learn things.


But....for sure....I will not be looking for any sort of relationship....other than just friends. I have many friends here and I thank you all for being there for me. You are all wonderful people, and I wish you the best in your search.

Love is such a precious feeling, so unique, that throughout history it is enough to count the innumerable feats that have been made in the name of this great gentleman full of beautiful feelings. When we join someone we always try to do everything for this person, and more if we are in love, we always want our partner to see that we are at their complete disposal, I imagine that your other half also promotes these same values, only that sometimes we We focus so much on what we want to do for our partner that we completely forget what they would also like to do for us. And is that a relationship I have always said that it is two, it is not one, here the mathematics comes out of logic when two come together and only one skin. A love relationship is completely an approach of two who have different worlds, different cultures and reactions to different manifestations of life. When you are with this person you always want to feel the best person and be completely proud of you. And have we thought then what does this person feel about you? We believe that everything we do is enough? We compare if our partner always acts to make us feel good? Who do you think gives more in a love relationship? Who do you think gives more in passion? Which of the two sexes, choose to surrender itself to the end of everything, even if the other fails?
I think that when two love each other, it is the two who always give themselves to the end, I have seen couples, that despite the distances, they are both for what, and the feeling of one is the feeling of the other, the happiness of the one is the happiness of the other.
Do you think that a relationship should be like that? I think so. In love there are no equivalences, or differences, you just choose well, and when do you do it? Well, you feel that you found your other, that sums it up. What do you think?

So often, women here and elsewhere, will strike up a chat. I try to share many aspects of my life and background, including mention of our twins, and how their mom and I, no longer an item, continue to be loving coparents, and friends, although differences clearly preclude any chance of a reunion. A few classy, secure women engage, showing appreciation for the opennesss, and some interest. At first, I regretted this almost immediate lack of ongoing contact on the part of so many. But it is really self vetting, and seems to show up more with the much older ladies, often with abusive histories, many in the former east block, or PRC. Grateful.

I commented on an interesting blog today that referenced meeting someone blindfolded. It was posted by daniela777 and described using your senses as opposed to the visual of meeting. Good blog!
Maybe a friend gave you a name and number to someone they thought you would be interested in. Generations of first contacts were made using a landline telephone. For that you could get a sense of the personality, likes, dislikes, family background about someone. If things sounded good you moved on to a formal meeting.
Pretty normal. You've done it a bunch of times.

I'll (try to) keep this blog short.

Over the years, I had to turn down a few relationships because the woman/women had an addiction to perfume. I didn't care to get into discussions of 'their perfume identity' I just moved on.

Perfume was invented to mask out bad odors. I'm not saying they had odor, I'm saying I had to keep my distance because of the excessive amount of perfume they were wearing. It's no difference than a drug addiction, the more you wear the stronger you want it so 2 or 3 hours later it feels like you have nothing on when the truth is you're wilting the flower on your desk!

My business is kitchen cabinet design and sales. I'm meeting women all the time. I recall a meeting with a designer and her client in my showroom. We sat down in the sample room that's 10' x 10' in size. BOTH women had the sniffles and BOTH women had so much perfume I wanted to keep the door open. Because people where in the room next to us, they wanted the door closed. I WAS DYING... it was like someone dropped a bottle of insecticide!!

I couldn't wait for them to leave so I could take aspirin and a few puffs of asthma medicine. On their leaving our receptionist mentioned people in the building remarked about how their perfume smell was everywhere.

There's a perfume on the market called POISON. I've smelled it before... appropriate name too!

That said, if you want to be remembered on a first date, spray on some obnoxious amounts of perfume...

The theory - if you put a penny in a jar every time you make love in the first year of your marriage, and after the first year you take a penny out every time, you will never empty the jar.

I looked it up to see if I could find out more of the history, one comment, ‘took four years but we finally got the 6th penny out of the jar’ most people were smug about how quickly their jars had emptied.

So, research question / opinion please. My characters started a blazing affair 2 years ago. They don’t live together, are neighbours, spend most nights together, and things are good between them. He hadn’t previously been in a relationship, had spent years hooking up once or twice a week - a pretty active libido. She’d had a long-term placid marriage. They got together in book 5 and this is book 10 (last in series) and the regular older beta readers, who have enjoyed this middle-aged romance, want an indication of how good things are between them, how often they are taking pennies out the jar?

I usually stick to writing what I know but my recent relationships have been LDRs and when you don’t see each other often, time spent together is marked by the urgent clinking of pennies

The question - how often is often in a good relationship after two years? Opinion or experience I may also do a forum question with anonymous boxes to tick.

I never get many responses on my research questions but always get something useful, hopefully this time too