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It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." It's a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes. Or they show unusual acts of kindness and generosity.

On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language and harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats. Or people explore the dark underworld of the internet, places of pornography and violence, places they would never visit in the real world.

On the benign side, the disinhibition indicates an attempt to understand and explore oneself, to work through problems and find new ways of being. And sometimes, in toxic disinhibition, it is simply a blind catharsis, an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all.

What causes this online disinhibition? What is it about cyberspace that loosens the psychological barriers that block the release of these inner feelings and needs? I expand on these ingredients that contribute to the ODE.

You Don't Know Me (dissociative anonymity)
You Can't See Me (invisibility)
See You Later (asynchronicity)
It's All in My Head (solipsistic introjection)
It's Just a Game (dissociative imagination)
We're Equals (minimizing authority)

1. You Don't Know Me (dissociative anonymity)

As the word "anonymous" indicates, you can have no name - at least not your real name. That anonymity works wonders for the disinhibition effect. When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors "aren't me at all." In psychology this is called "dissociation."

2.You Can't See Me (invisibility)

In many online environments other people cannot see you. You don't have to worry about how you look or sound when you say (type) something. You don't have to worry about how others look or sound when you say something. Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express. In psychoanalysis, the analyst sits behind the patient in order remain a physically ambiguous figure, without revealing any body language or facial expression, so that the patient has free range to discuss whatever he or she wants, without feeling inhibited by how the analyst is physically reacting. In everyday relationships, people sometimes avert their eyes when discussing something personal and emotional. It's easier not to look into the other's face. Text communication offers a built-in opportunity to keep one's eyes averted.

What about the other points? May people dicuss about those here? When we understand the bias of internet on our personality then we will understand us better in the context of our actions on cyber social media. Until that all the feedbacks we get will be misinterpreted and we will develope and grow an alter ego.

You say you want to know "what makes us men Tick ?"
How do we really see the complex dynamic world of intimate relationships.
I doubt you can handle the truth. But seeing as the blogs have of late taken the form of a cheap Psychiatrist's Ikea couch, I feel I should follow suit and try some amateur shrinkage myself.
But before we proceed let me just assert;
This subject is something you should best leave alone, and for your own sake too I may add.

If you still feel the need to explore the workings of the Male Psyche, Perhaps you should first familiarize yourself with the following Illustration to soften the blow.

Casual sex

And also believe people should practice safe sex...

So how long into a relationship would you feel safe having unprotected sex with someone

The main problem of the internet and with sites like CS is that those do not offer the possibility to have a party between us.
At a party are invited the people who have something in common and have fun together. The other are excluded. Forums, groups or chat rooms should have somehow same functionality. You may join to a group but you cannot exclude the people from it.

In real life, many years ago, in some cases also today, a party is exclusive. I invite a friend, and he invites a friend, and so on. Somehow the people at the party have things in common. That does not means that no conflict may rise, but the probability is lower.

So this function of, we may say, have a party, to create a exclusive chat room, for two hours, (like in the office- a meeting room) where only invited people may enter is missing. This function may force the people to act carefully when posting, trying to make real friends.

People are here because of many reasons. May be people who do not open their heart easy, posting on forums or blogs, nor writing messages to strangers. They need time to open, slowly. So participating to a party, invited by someone one trust, is more productive, than staying hidden and just reading posts. You may communicate with people same to you.

I get a message from a women starting like this : "Why are you on this site when on your profile writes you are in relationship? I want to understand why you cheat your wife?"

My dear friends, life is not black and not white, has a lot of nuances of gray. People cannot judge other people based on the published profile or on the posts. Most people do not post. They expect that someone will send a message. But why should one do this? 50 rows of profile description say nothing about the person. If people do not participate to discussions nobody will know who one really are.
Posting is the first step. Next are private discussion. Perhaps this jump is too much. Perhaps you need some intermediate step ... the party. Exclusive groups/chats where people join based on invitation. This may let people to connect more selective, grouped by affinity. Chatrooms active for two hours, next deleted. Especialy during weekend. This may be more closer to real life. Of course this internet connection does not solve the physical issue. Real physical attraction, which is absolut necessary if you real y want a partner who should share your bedroom.

It was just an idea. I am not sure that will work ... but I have the right to think about it.

WHERE I LIVE IN AUS.. THERE ARE LADIES ALL AROUND MY AREA WITHIN 40klms. ON THIS SITE BUT NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO ME.... YEAH..YEAH... BOO HOO... ON THE OTHER HAND WOMEN FROM OTHER STATES WANT TO MEET, BUT THE DISTANCE IS TOO FAR AWAY..... WHY BOTHER...

I miss you so much, your playful touch
your kiss, your giggling about nothing over lunch.
I miss how our eyes would meet
And how you would laugh in bed as you made me warm your feet

You made me promise to love again, to laugh and kiss and meet a friend
but I just sit here watching life pass by having a beer or finishing a bottle of wine till its end
I sit by your gravestone and I feel warm inside,
we conversations and you are my guide.
tomorrow, I will try again but I believe I will be will sitting be at your gravestone as the night ends

What would put you off meeting someone in person ?

Gentle women and men I am wondering about my s*xual been I never enjoy sex the way I hear other persons speak of it... Men tends to love it more ... I hear men gossiping about their sex life ... They said their woman squirt alot... And they love that... I have being sexing for 4 years and never yet squirt and never ever enjoyed it to the extent of how women enjoyed it . I Google how to get that good feeling and try but nothing happens...

So I need to find out if you women have the same issue going or do any of you men have any experience...





Am single now and give up on male sex....

It's boredom!

Would it not be great and wonderful if we can block people out of our lives,
out of our memories our hearts and minds with a flip of a switch or push
of a button? For many when considering the time and investment in
building relationships at any level most in my opinion are shortlived
or never got off the ground. Others, before the internet was invented
and social sites etc which is designed to bring people together who
would not ordinarily meet in any other circumstance but online. They
were only images in a magazine and most people had to hook up
locally and left with whatever was available.

The good ol days when you had to actually meet in person or call on a rotary phone. Thanks
to the internet and reaching people from everywhere on earth we
have successfully alienated each other by a flip of a switch.
Instead of clearing the air of misunderstandings we just get pissed
off and block people out of our lives thus reducing our chances
of reconciliation.
Secondly, we are offered the opportunity to set up
a criteria of quality we hope to find in people. Instead of the old days
just by talking to someone for a few hours at a bar we learn that the person
of interest is an a**hole and maybe in a few minutes we learn that
while we are organizing an escape plan to the restroom and out the door.

Today we can do it in a few emails or a few chat sessions and eliminate
people in seconds if need be with a switch. The nice thing we dont have
to hear is the girl complaining about what a useless wanker the guy was
and the girl doesnt have to hear the wanker complain what a b*tch she is. Ah, but yet when
we are done stewing over what was said between two people we look at the profiles
and read what they say of themselves finding their profile is BS and their personality
does not match what they say of themselves. Like an employer who reads resumes
all day they see many but only the few or one gets the job. Only a few or the one gets the girl

With the high emotional cost in finding a friend these days its rather sad to see
that we take people with a grain of salt and believe less of what they say and ultimately
sabotage ourselves to fail. Actions speak louder. Yet considering the investment we place here
we cannot expect a whole lot on the ROI.

Setting our expectations low enough is the best policy. Nobody will give a crap about this blog
as they will say to me if I dont like the results I am getting then play somewhere else and stop
judging how things are run here or go with the flow. I know nobody is keeping me here, there is no ball and chain holding me here. Most would rather see me just disappear and stop annoying them with my ideas. Many may ask a certain lady in Spain why she sometimes stands up for me or makes subtle excuses to say I mean well but I can be a bit annoying. Well everyone can block me but can they block the truth or the foolishness? This is not even a dating site anymore its more of a internet diner like Arnolds of Happy Days. Only many dont have the charisma and coolness of the Fonz. Most are the Ralphie's and the Potzie's and a few Ritchie Cunninghams who dont have the confidence to tell a girl what they feel. If they do the women here think the guy is a flake.
Please correct me and show me differently what I am doing wrong in my approach. God I feel right now like such a heel for some reason writing this. However, bring on the onslaught for any comments will be taken in consideration.

Yesterday during my 59th Birthday I met someone named Coko in the parking lot of the rooming house I stay at in Pittsburgh, PA; we talked some an d I got to kiss her and she asked me: "When can I kidnap you"? I told her I wanted to meet her again today in this same parking lot at 3; I think Coko is more "closer to home"than Jennifer is because the latter lives across the river in Brookline in the South Hills; Coko works at CMU in Shadyside.