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This one was actually published last year. But in some ways, I think it may be even more appropriate in the near future. Enjoy. Satire from The Borowitz Report Rex Tillerson: I Hope Trump Finds Out He’s Impeache

Organized A 3 Some Last Night

There were a couple of no show's but I still had a good time.

lol

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a q

Chasing Rabbits

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in d

Puddles

Three ducks appeared in court one day for causing a disturbance at the park. As the ducks approached the stand, the judge called the first duck up and ask his name and what he was doing that day. The duck replied "my name is Huey and I was in and out

Schmokin Hot...

Years ago, I came across a dating site that had video chat rooms. I think the way the interface worked was someone would open a room and they would be the operator of the room. We could see the operator but not the other people in the room. I'm gues

"ISLAND GIRLS"...("DONT GO IN!")

I Would Have To Think That...These Kind of Girls ...That Live All Over The World...Seem To Be All In The Same Kind of Box That Is...That They All Think The Same They All React The Same They All Have Their Own Way Of Talking..(And Most Of The Time

Rarity

Christmas greetings to all friends and frenemies alike. Enjoy this holiday gift. After years of fruitless searching I've discovered my white rhino, my unicorn. That rarest of rarities - A funny Asian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v

If you want 10 inches, or more....

.... come to New Jersey today or tomorrow and you'll get it good. We have a surplus of inches. We already have about 11 inches of snow and it isn't stopping anytime soon. It's predicted to keep snowing about another 24 hours. So, if you lik

I wanna marry an EGG...

For years, I've been looking for an Egg. Eggs are sooo... sexy to me. Small with soft curves. I've always admired how they keep their shape no matter what the temperature is. Someone told me Eggs like old, fat, white guys... like me and they don't c

Ladies - Protecting your private digital data

A device almost guaranteed to be willingly ignored by men. Thus, keeping your digital data, such as pictures, financials, and other images, secure. Simple in design, yet effective..................... . . . . . .. https://i.pinimg.c

I suppose it was my fault

The other night my girlfriend got unusually quiet. I thought, "Uh oh ! She must be in one of those moods". But then, I realized that, I had accidently handed her a glue stick, instead of Chapstick. Whoops !

Let's Lighten The Mood On the Blogs

A friend asked me to do this. So here goes! Here are comical quotes from Rodney Dangerfield: My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. When I w

Holiday Hot

Today is what I think of as holiday hot. It would be so relaxing and soul fixing to sit under a palm tree sipping a very cold rum and coke with some fresh lime floating in it while watching the young ladies playing in the waves off the beach.

Funnies

I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say "you're next". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said "you're next". I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. I'm not as think as you drunk I

lol

Wife asked her husband to describe her, husband said "you're A B C D E F G H I J K." Wife asked "what does that mean?" The husband said "adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fair, gorgeous, hot." She said "oh thats so lovely, what ab

If you had know then what you know now, what would you do?

Did you know a picture is worth a thousand words? If I had know that then, I'd have taken a picture of my ex!

The Polite Way to P...(ee)

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Johnny", if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" ?

I know what you want for XMas this year

I just don't know the color you want. You just have to promise me, that you will wear it...... .....to your next court appearance.

lol

A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch, before the trouble starts. The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away. After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him,

Congratulation

Wow someone's report my profile twice..congratulations now here i am again..go and report me again and again and again and again.. Remember its free to sign up here

ME

I AM SWEET, KIND, LOVABLE, SHY AND INNOCENT....OH WHAT THE HEY....STOP LAUGHING FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

Patton and his wife

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged th

lol

A young man goes to a whorehouse to experience his first taste of sex. The madam suggests that he starts with a 69. He decides to give it a try. The prostitute leads him to a room, gets undressed, and instructs the young man what to do. Unfortuna

Puns

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole. At the supermarket

The Big Race

Muldoon"s Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick repl

Naming your child for a month of the year...

I've always wondered what parents were thinking when they name their children after a month. I did hear of one girl named June who was born in August. Probably an overdue pregnancy

Lol..men are men....

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right bes

Prognosis

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband go

The Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8, 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we f

WELCOME TO MY WORLD

A place to have fun and banter about how obviously that life is sometime very funny. I wan't to create a place to have some laughs. Lifw is way to short to waist time on crap. Join me and let's have some fun. [si

Having A Bad Morning?

Sometimes, CS reminds me of...

lol

Today's Housekeeping Tips

"Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. That way, if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you've have been sick and unable to clean".

Who Isn't Wounded?

* Do NOT play fetch !

I just saw this commercial for the first time tonight. It apparently debuted in 2013 during the Superbowl. It's kind of silly, but I couldn't help laughing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OszClgHHrq4 https:

Pence's one man parade in honor of Trump (Satire from Andy Borowitz)

Perhaps you are aware of the controversy surrounding the Hitler-like military parade that Trump wants to begin. For one thing, some estimate the cost to taxpayers would be in the very high $ Millions. Since there is no recent military victory, i

Blond Girlfriend at Her First Football Game

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all

Mercedes AA all electric car

New Mercedes AA all electric car that runs on 9648 AA batteries.