Most Commented Comedy Blogs (1,865)

A woman who was fed up with her coworker using her coffee creamer without asking sought revenge by filling the container with her breast milk.

According to The Sun Newspaper, the woman who identified herself as "B" waited until the end of the week before she taped a note to the cream.

"Good morning," she wrote, "To whomever has been enjoying my coffee creamer all week... Surprise!!! You've been drinking my breast milk. Hope you've enjoyed - cheers!"

She added, "P.S. It's organic. So no worries."

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.

Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.

Never squat with your spurs on!

God doesn't always choose to flaten the mountain...but He has promised to help you climb it!

Don't tell God how big the storm is...tell the storm how big God is!

More is accomplished by folding the hands...than by wringing them!

Even in our messes...God blesses!

When we start kneeling down...things start looking up!



Good friends are just one of the little blessings God gives us to enjoy! So let's enjoy the blessings of each others friendships?

Off we went to our local pub, Murphy's, only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it.
What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so drunk I could hardly push his stroller back home!

Joke received today in email....

We were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner & theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local taxi company and requested a taxi.

The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot.

My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night so, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-by to my mother."

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.

"That stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her a** with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.

Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard! She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"

The silence in the taxi was deafening.

The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a - 'Thanks for flying XYZ airline'.

An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.

Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' Why no Ma’am,’ said the pilot, 'What is it', the little old lady said, 'did we land or were we shot down?'

Christmas always has dinners here and dinners there from church's to homeless centers. I like to go to all of them. The food is free, delicious and someone has to eat it. So, I gladly volunteer!



I went to our church luncheon for Seniors and Senors. Since I qualified for both I went with a very empty stomach.

The line formed and I am kinda slow in my old age so I went last. The ham was sliced generously, the turkey was all white meat BUT I like dark meat too.

The side dishes were yummy yams with crumbled somethingorother on top and they were delicious. The green beans were the usual but Hey! let's have some anyhow. The olives were great and I wolfed down my favorites. The ones stuffed with that red veggie. I forget what they're called. Well, long story short, there was much more.

I had my plate piled high. The Senior ladies were great in their urging. Have some more of this, have some more of that, there's plenty. So, since I am a good hungry gluttony Samaritan I obliged.

Then, thanks to Santa's song here was my take on what I saw next, "What suddenly appears but a huge slab of meatloaf"! Yabos, could I? Should I? My plate was stacked already. So I did what any kind and thinking glutton would do. I chose to wait!! In my plate of "second helping" I had a large wedge of meat loaf.

THEN!!! As if that wasn't enough I passed the dessert table! It was loaded with pie!! I only like 2 kinds of pie, hot or cold!!! I'm glad I was saving a little room.

Finally!! I made it to the dessert table and I had a small piece of lemon somethingorother and a small wedge of pumpkin pie. I did what any good glutton with manners would do. I overlooked the chocolate cake! Tomorrow when we have morning coffee at church I will bet One Gazillion Dollars that the left over cake and pie will be there ready for eager consumption by gluttons like me!

For my Christian brothers and sisters have a Blessed Happy Birthday Jesus Day! For everyone else have a Happy Holiday!

No I don't think it's too early to wish anyone blessings and happiness. It should be done on a regular basis daily!

Good for a chuckle....


Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GOD!"

Silence followed.......................

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled “




"For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the back of mine!"

This particular story just made me laugh.
Every time I think about it, the vision of that poor cat just amuses me to no end. Hope the story leaves a bright spot in your day.


Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down.

The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went 'boing!' and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.

So he prayed, 'Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,' and went on about his business. A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food.

This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, 'Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?' She replied, 'You won't believe this,' and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, 'Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it...'

She told the pastor, 'I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her.'

Lesson learned:

Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor.