Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
online today!
To The Admin's
CAN YOU PLEASE TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE CONTROL OVER WHO YOU LET IN. THERE IS A NEW MEMBER. AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE HAS BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEN. SHE SENDS NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN GROTESQUE POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER LADY GARDEN. SHE IS OFFERING A SAMSUNG GALAXY S8 IN EXCHANGE FOR s*xual FAVOURS.
I AM ESPECIALLY UPSET BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, THE PHONE WASN'T EVEN A GALAXY S8... IT WAS A GALAXY S5 AND IT OBVIOUSLY HAS A VIRUS BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW. IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH... THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON STICKS.
I AM ESPECIALLY UPSET BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, THE PHONE WASN'T EVEN A GALAXY S8... IT WAS A GALAXY S5 AND IT OBVIOUSLY HAS A VIRUS BECAUSE IT'S REALLY SLOW. IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH... THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON STICKS.
I have a problem
can you help me solve it? 
Senior and the puzzle
A little, silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a very difficult jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her neighbor decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. When he arrives, the old lady shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says:
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.” Then he takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then...” and he says this with a deep sigh...
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the Kellogg's box.”
Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her neighbor decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. When he arrives, the old lady shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says:
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.” Then he takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then...” and he says this with a deep sigh...
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the Kellogg's box.”
online today!
A Perfect Storm
Living under lock down for weeks now
There was no frie works on new years eve ,only a bell ringing on the other side of this small town..
And to make matters worse The Remarkable wet himslef <sad>
Still every thing was not lost I went back to the Monkey Mountain and listend to
The Damntion Of Fasust.
There was no frie works on new years eve ,only a bell ringing on the other side of this small town..
And to make matters worse The Remarkable wet himslef <sad>
Still every thing was not lost I went back to the Monkey Mountain and listend to
The Damntion Of Fasust.
Uh oh !
I hope you have a nice day.... AND that your computer doesn't crash.
It's gorgeous here today, perhaps the best day of the year so far.
It's in the mid-70's, sunny, with a slow & steady breeze.
Two Brooms
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and
after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom,
the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her
white dress. The groom broom was handsome
and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was
lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the
bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
............ ........... ..............
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly
....little cute............. And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds to me like she's ....... !
......been ....sweeping around!!!
after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom,
the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her
white dress. The groom broom was handsome
and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was
lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the
bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
............ ........... ..............
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly
....little cute............. And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds to me like she's ....... !
......been ....sweeping around!!!
Eating with a facemask
With the easing on the opening of restaurants, and before I make my reservations, I experimented with a number of ways of how to tackle one of my favourite pasta dishes – that of spaghetti olio, aglio e peperoncino – all while wearing a facemask.
The face mask itself must be of the disposable type as it’s bound to end up rather messy.
My recipe calls for using pasta – spaghetti – from a good Italian brand name, oil from pure and untouched virgin olives, expensive locally grown organic garlic and the juiciest hot peperoncini available.
The dish is served with sprigs of freshly cut parsley and a tablespoon or two of grated parmeggiano.
So, the first possibility is to try the mask on, check that it sits well on the face, covering nose, mouth and chin. Then carefully pierce a hole exactly where it covers the mouth. The hole need not be very large, but big enough to take in a fork rolled up with the scrumptious spaghetti. This method also allows to drink a nice red Lambrusco from a fine, stemmed, balloon wineglass.
If one doesn’t wish to make an opening in the facemask, then the other possibility is to slip each pasta strand (a spaghetta) underneath the facemask and pull (as in suck) it in. The sound might annoy your dining companion, but they should be two meters at least away from you, so the sound would have dissipated by the time it reaches delicate ears. This method also allows one to sip the nice red Lambrusco albeit through a straw, also passed underneath the facemask.
The last option of the three possibilities is the most difficult to perform. Order and wait for your dinner to be served, and then while you only ogle at the food on your plate, enjoy watching your company consume theirs, chatting about the Covid19 situation, how easing on the opening of restaurants is positively effecting the nation and other pandemic stories. You have nothing to worry about as long as you continue wearing your facemask and of course not eating.
Don’t forget to pay the bill on your way out.
Stay safe.
Peace
thevirgosign
The face mask itself must be of the disposable type as it’s bound to end up rather messy.
My recipe calls for using pasta – spaghetti – from a good Italian brand name, oil from pure and untouched virgin olives, expensive locally grown organic garlic and the juiciest hot peperoncini available.
The dish is served with sprigs of freshly cut parsley and a tablespoon or two of grated parmeggiano.
So, the first possibility is to try the mask on, check that it sits well on the face, covering nose, mouth and chin. Then carefully pierce a hole exactly where it covers the mouth. The hole need not be very large, but big enough to take in a fork rolled up with the scrumptious spaghetti. This method also allows to drink a nice red Lambrusco from a fine, stemmed, balloon wineglass.
If one doesn’t wish to make an opening in the facemask, then the other possibility is to slip each pasta strand (a spaghetta) underneath the facemask and pull (as in suck) it in. The sound might annoy your dining companion, but they should be two meters at least away from you, so the sound would have dissipated by the time it reaches delicate ears. This method also allows one to sip the nice red Lambrusco albeit through a straw, also passed underneath the facemask.
The last option of the three possibilities is the most difficult to perform. Order and wait for your dinner to be served, and then while you only ogle at the food on your plate, enjoy watching your company consume theirs, chatting about the Covid19 situation, how easing on the opening of restaurants is positively effecting the nation and other pandemic stories. You have nothing to worry about as long as you continue wearing your facemask and of course not eating.
Don’t forget to pay the bill on your way out.
Stay safe.
Peace
thevirgosign
just to lighten the mood
A guy walks into a bar and sees three large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling, this got him curious so he asked the barmen about them, so the barman explained ...
'well, sir .. if you can jump and manage to slap the meat then you get free drinks for the rest of the night, but if you miss you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar for the next hour .. you wanna try ? '
The guy thinks about it for a few minutes then replies ...
' I think I'll pass ... the steaks are too high'
'well, sir .. if you can jump and manage to slap the meat then you get free drinks for the rest of the night, but if you miss you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar for the next hour .. you wanna try ? '
The guy thinks about it for a few minutes then replies ...
' I think I'll pass ... the steaks are too high'
Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol
Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol
Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
*This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.*
*What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?*
*Here's her story in her own words:*
“While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in ‘The Villages’ with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.”
“If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!”
“Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!”
Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
*This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.*
*What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?*
*Here's her story in her own words:*
“While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in ‘The Villages’ with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.”
“If I had not had my little Beretta .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!”
“Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was a real big bonus!”
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »