Most Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A Texan went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home....

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave. “By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam replied.

“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?” “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

Are men really shallow..?

In a recent post one voluptuous lady from jamaica said that men are shallow coz they look at the cleavage..one even said that if you show your cleavage it has benefits but attracts the nutters.

Ok so let me get this straight..you're over 50, saggy puppies, and think a nice set of chuffties may attract the opposite sex.

So if that's the case why is it women that say this, go and get a boob job, to whose benefit is it ..theirs, because they feel men are so shallow that they won't be attracted to the brain so a boob job will increase the chances of getting a man ?..or because it makes them feel like a women again ?

Now the lovely lady in question in Jamaica says that men are only after one thing...so ill give you a scenario.

You have a body that you're happy with, and wish not to change it. So you meet a guy..your together for a few months and getting on great..your out with your man and wearing a nice dress with a zip up front...this dress is showing all your natural and great curves.

You get home and your man approaches you, slowly unzips your dress to reveal a wonderful set of hooters...he looks at them with a sparkle in his eyes, grabs them gentley caressing them and give's them a nice little nibble...NOW! is he a pervery or is he appreciating you as a GF and the womens body...of course you as the women are enjoying it, coz he your BF.

Is he a pervy ? shallow ? because he is thinking the same as another man who can only dream of having these assets in his hands...?..

No don't worry people. This is not another Trump v Hillary themed opinion. Just some good advice, Well it could be if it was given to the right person.

A friend sent this and it made me laugh.


Ron Chesterfield, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of the night?

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

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Have a bearable Monday. however you spend it.

Two generations stayed up late watching Johnny Carson host of the Tonight Show.
I remember friends repeating some of the funny things he said. If you know the show, his side kick and co-host Ed McMahon would often lead Johnny into something funny.
For example:
Johnny would say "It was really hot today"
Ed would comment "How hot was it Johnny"
Carson would come back with "It was so hot, I saw a bird cooking a worm on the sidewalk"
Typically, there would be a rimshot from the band's drummer signifying a joke!

Some of the people he interviewed said funny things and they both would laugh to tears.
That's the way it was with Johnny.

There was a blooper when he interviewed the wife of famous pro-golfer Jack Nicklaus. He asked her if she did anything to give him good luck before an important match. She replied "I kiss his balls" Realizing what she had said, she corrected herself by saying "his golf balls" but that was too late as Johnny had the comeback "I bet that made his putter rise to the occasion" totally embarrassed, she left the stage.

I didn't get to see it, but another memorable moment was when Zsa Zsa Gabor was on the show. She was sitting in the chair with a cat on her lap. When she asked Johnny if he wanted to pet her p*ssy he said...


It was brought up years later by Jane Fonda.

Im supposed to go to the airport nd pick up a guest tomorrow , well she s actually a Woman I met online and she s coming to visit me, spend some time here in my love cave ...I asked a buddy of mine to accompany me as I don`t like driving alone ...the part where your advice could come handy is ... should I buy some aphrodisiacs ,lean on my lucky star or should I write a letter of apology in advance

maybe ask my buddy to help me out

[yes you can all now start celebrating as I wont be on CS that much]

Just told my son he´s adopted......................

I have recently discovered my hidden artistic talent.

If anybody would like portraits of their pets done, just pm me for details.

Act quick because Christmas orders are filling up fast!!