Most Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

He spotted her immediately
He was starstruck at her beauty
Vibrant russet locks flowing down her back
Cheekbones cut from pure granite
Breasts that defied gravity & science
Electric blue eyes that beguiled him home



He woke up to hair extensions of the floor
Short mousy brown hair rinsed clear of colour
Face without highlighter,
Chicken fillets removed from bra
Coloured contact lenses back in their box




Be careful of the illusion, it is just that.

Happy Christmas

Kevinism is a disease that came about during the 90's, before its appearance teenagers use to help around he house, dry up, even clean their dads car.

These days the condition has gotten worse. Since my son turned double figures I could see the change, hair seems greasy, longer, smelly. Then there is the clothes that seem to grow from the bedroom floor.

What's most worrying about this affliction is the tomato ketchup smothered plates that adorn the kitchen worktops, its like Alzheimer's for the young, you can say the same thing every day but they forget. What's amazing is that whilst having this condition, they seem to know the value of money, how to obtain it, by asking via whatsapp, instead of asking face to face.

Do you have Kevinism in your family ? for girls its Karenism, maybe you can share your stories and we can get much needed therapy by sharing..

During a recent Trump stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Trump, where are you hiding your tax returns?
The Donald politely responded,
"I've found a very secure place that I'm certain they won't be found.”

The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that?

The Donald smiled and said,

"They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration.

"What's your next question?"

An alarming trend is occurring where adults are waking up each morning with vast quantities of ear hair in spite of trimming the unsightly wax encrusted mess each day.

Many people are also reporting errant long curly eyebrow hairs as well as thick nasal bush and they all claim to depilate and groom themselves each and every day.

Scientists at the Institute of Facial and Auditory Hirsuteness have concluded that this phenomenon is the work of disenchanted and unemployed tooth fairies.

In some areas of the world kids today are losing their teeth in large quantities at one time, and in other countries advances in dental hygiene and dental implants are putting tooth Fairy’s out of work.

As the work that tooth Fairy’s do, is not classified as “real work” so no unemployment benefits or income support is paid.

The EU President Mr. Kraughty Juncker’s has blamed Brexit and wants EU countries to pay the Fairy’s compensation. Angela Merkel has stated that Germany will welcome all the Fairies and integrate them with her people, but perhaps this valiant sentiment is too late.

Are you a victim of the Tooth Fairy’s Revenge?

By no means a novel idea here. In fact, there is one member that we are blessed with his presence that has spoken of this on many occasions. Robert..... and

My friend brought up all on his own the other night, and I am starting to think that many men are beginning to think and feel this way. I can't put my finger on it really.

But anyway, he brought up the idea of stuffing a sock (I proudly suggested a tube sock) down his pants. For giggles, I suggested that we actually do that and see what the results will be. Of course, I need to see some data. With all this talk of this "magic sock," I figured we had to have a name for a up and coming billion-dollar product (of course with some royalties going to Robert).

After dropping my friend off, the name just sorta came out of nowhere. Because honestly, I really was not even thinking about it. But...it was Mr. Twist-her.


What you all think? Would you buy one?

My blanket fort has been evacuated; Time for coffee, Coffee bar is full.

Coffee ingested in groups of three, you wonder if that passerby is into vajazzling

Perhaps the coffee is far too strong, I begin to ponder:-

Revelation! Turn a ladder upside down and climb down things.

Is your sister an only child? Did Gloria Gaynor survive?

Is that a Kangaroo? No just a skinny greyhound having a shit.

As the sun rises you hear that Lionel Ritchie wants to know if you are looking for him.

You read of Social Justice Warriors making Idiots out of themselves.

You light another cigarette, will it make me dumb?

Shoplifting can result in Jail, Jail as a male will enlarge your rectum.

Would I eat Breast Milk Cheese? Surely it’s the similar milk, so yes why not.

Do you remember wedding vows? A..E..I..O..U doesn’t sound right; perhaps the cigarettes should go in the bin.

Ponders the lost art of finger pointing and if Wi-Fi can be set up in donuts.

Conversation amongst the other patrons seems to be tractor related...yawn

Methinks, too much coffee, *googles rehab*

You ever have far too much coffee?

---

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see
you.




2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's
name.




3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.




4. A dog's parents never visit.




5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
across.




6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a
day.




7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..




8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.




9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you
get another dog?"





10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them
away.




11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you
a pervert.




12. If a dog
smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They
just think it's interesting.




13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.




14. Dogs won't criticize your driving.



And last, but
not least:



15. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your
stuff.


To test this
fact:

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you!

what part of u, consider very lovely and beautiful to urself..i love my nose and cosider it very perfect as its neither dum nor very sharp..sometimes i say to people "u can find better than me but not with a perfect nose like me,i bet " and in this joking style i make them understand that he/she should not avoid me cuz i love him/her.


what about u?

This is not a good night...

Last chatted to to him at 4AM this morning. He was happy entertaining his friends. Sent me some photos of his old and balding friends and him looking messy and sweaty in front of the bbq grill and drinking. I was glad he was having fun and happy. Didn't hear anything from him since then, didn't reply my messages and calls. It's unusual and now I start to get really worried...I hope it's just hangover...


Trying to relax here...hope your day/night is much much better there.

Yep.

All your Christmas expenses,
no matter how much.

Trump is going to have Mexico pay for them.

Whew, what a relief.