Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Nordakota Cow
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He needs a new milk cow and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls...the cow farts.
Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again.
Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home.
He gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor Sven, and
says, 'Sven, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought.'
'Pull her tit, and see vat happens.' Sven reaches under, pulls the
tits - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?'
Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how'd yah know?'
Sven says, 'My wife's from Nordakota.'
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls...the cow farts.
Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again.
Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home.
He gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor Sven, and
says, 'Sven, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought.'
'Pull her tit, and see vat happens.' Sven reaches under, pulls the
tits - and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole, 'You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?'
Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.
Ole replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how'd yah know?'
Sven says, 'My wife's from Nordakota.'
SAYING "I LOVE YOU"
SEMINAR FOR WOMEN
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband? All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 11 replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply this way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn't it?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband? All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 11 replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply this way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Kinda tugs at the heart, doesn't it?
Women one liners
Women one liners
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
My ex wrote to me: Can you delete my number? I responded: Who is this?
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.
Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose'
Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.
Is google a woman? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
My ex wrote to me: Can you delete my number? I responded: Who is this?
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.
Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose'
Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.
Is google a woman? Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
Older Women
(I LOVE THIS!)
SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A
YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A
BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN,
HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD
BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --
STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING,
HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE
DESERT AIR.
THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE
QUIETLY SAID,
"SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S a**?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO."
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...
And that's a fact!
I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A
YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A
BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN,
HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID
DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, YOU OLD
BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --
STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING.
WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING,
HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED
SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE
DESERT AIR.
THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY
SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE
LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE
QUIETLY SAID,
"SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S a**?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT... I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO."
THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid...
And that's a fact!
I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Getting older is odd
I was talking to a kid the other day and relating pretty well, I thought. I'm down with the yoof. This was a pretty young kid, and I asked how old he was. 8. He asked how old I was. I had to think about it, as always, then told him. He looked at me with huge eyes. "Did you start at 1?"
I can't remember. I think I did. It was a long time ago. THAT long ago, though? Doesn't seem possible.
I can't remember. I think I did. It was a long time ago. THAT long ago, though? Doesn't seem possible.
Words that end in ....man
If it can fly is SuperMan, if it can swim is AquaMan, If it can clim is SpiderMan,If it explote is a MusulMan, If it can......is a woMan. Please fill in the blank woth the correct word. 
Good New Is Good News
This morning I woke up with wonderful news in my inbox. I got an email from the International FIFA World Cup Online Lottery informing me that I have won a large sum of money.
The message read:
Subject:
FROM THE FIFA LOTTERY 2015
Message:
Attn beneficiary your won price of 15m has been isued and prepared for dispatch by the paying bank call your agent Tony Smith on O87 555 8888 immediately to avoid diqualifications.
I have changed the contact name and phone number just in case there is a rogue lurking here amongst us who may try to usurp my winnings. This is the first time in my life that I won something. Nobody is going to deprive me of it.
I’m going to get drunk for a week and then I will have a three-month pub crawl so I can decide what to do with my new riches. If you need funds for a good course, you’re welcome to apply. I will gladly oblige. No scammers please, I can smell you a mile off.
I’m a little surprised that an organization like FIFA can use such poor grammar and I would have expected them to use a spell checker. Do they have no pride in what they do? And why will they be using a Yahoo mail address? I always imagined that FIFA would have its own domain name.
But I’m not going to split hair. I have 15 million reasons to be happy. Hey! 15 million what? Euros, US$, Rand? I must phone again to ask the guy. I hope it is not Zim Dollars. Anyway, I’m off to the bank to send the R10,000 to facilitate the transfer of funds to my banking account.
I hope your day started as well as mine.
The message read:
Subject:
FROM THE FIFA LOTTERY 2015
Message:
Attn beneficiary your won price of 15m has been isued and prepared for dispatch by the paying bank call your agent Tony Smith on O87 555 8888 immediately to avoid diqualifications.
I have changed the contact name and phone number just in case there is a rogue lurking here amongst us who may try to usurp my winnings. This is the first time in my life that I won something. Nobody is going to deprive me of it.
I’m going to get drunk for a week and then I will have a three-month pub crawl so I can decide what to do with my new riches. If you need funds for a good course, you’re welcome to apply. I will gladly oblige. No scammers please, I can smell you a mile off.
I’m a little surprised that an organization like FIFA can use such poor grammar and I would have expected them to use a spell checker. Do they have no pride in what they do? And why will they be using a Yahoo mail address? I always imagined that FIFA would have its own domain name.
But I’m not going to split hair. I have 15 million reasons to be happy. Hey! 15 million what? Euros, US$, Rand? I must phone again to ask the guy. I hope it is not Zim Dollars. Anyway, I’m off to the bank to send the R10,000 to facilitate the transfer of funds to my banking account.
I hope your day started as well as mine.
An Old Geezer
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you
can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!!
He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic. This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!" Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!! Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..." Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you
can outsmart an old "Geezer " !!!!
women first impression..part 2..
Candykiss46... no kisses from this South African Beauty...should rename Candycrush...cross this lady and out comes Apartheid all over again..once you had black you never look back..
Although if i'm honest..i have a soft spot for this caucasian..just don't tell anyone else..OK ?
Dreamcathcer 69...not 99 as she states..this buxom woman is in need of a good routing...always sexually active..but no man around to embrace those wonderful bangers...come on boys..get suffocated.
loopyloulou77..American..WHAT! i'm canadian..curvy in all the right places..another Usher..wont say a bad word..when she's wearing glasses ,she turns into some really hot chick...mind the wig
Jenny peony... no one really knows if this is a real person or not...many dresses and photoshop adjusted photos later...I think she is just a talking doll.
GrannyCincy...a granny you just wanna take home to meet your wife...cuddly cute and a little treasure..however she did attend one of Calypso duo gig's at Whitby's old people home..in this profile photo she is seen showing her appreciation for the crap music..that is the actual bottle that was launched at calls right eye....
bella 2234...met one, you met them all..don't be taken by their beauty..when they hit 50...all down hill..
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »