Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
The Girls Night Out
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00. He didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
Ponderisms for Seniors
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off!
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights.” I'm very wise.
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes”.
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?
Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... But it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I was wanting!
Old age is coming at a really bad time!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights.” I'm very wise.
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes”.
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.
When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?
Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... But it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I was wanting!
feel excited
i feel excited when i get my mailbox red..thankgod we can send email to ourselves on cs... 
Smile
Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat.
He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.
She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear.
Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
A man is told by his doctor that he is dying of an inoperable brain tumor, with only weeks to live.
"We do have hope," the doctor says. "We can attempt a brain transplant. However, it is very experimental, and very expensive."
"How much would it cost me?" the patient asks.
"Normally a man's brain transplant is $100,000. You are in luck, we have a woman's brain available, and that one is only $10,000."
Confused the man asks, "Why is the man's brain so expensive?"
The doctor replies, "Because the woman's brain has been used."
He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."
So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.
She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear.
Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
A man is told by his doctor that he is dying of an inoperable brain tumor, with only weeks to live.
"We do have hope," the doctor says. "We can attempt a brain transplant. However, it is very experimental, and very expensive."
"How much would it cost me?" the patient asks.
"Normally a man's brain transplant is $100,000. You are in luck, we have a woman's brain available, and that one is only $10,000."
Confused the man asks, "Why is the man's brain so expensive?"
The doctor replies, "Because the woman's brain has been used."
Water Vs Wine
To all my friends who enjoy a glass of wine…
And those who are always seen with a bottle of purified water in their hand.
As I always say:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
but in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilogram of Escherichia Coli – that is the bacteria that we find in shit. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilogram of shit per year.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer, tequila, rum, whiskey or any other alcoholic beverage, because alcohol has to go through a purification process including, but not limited to, boiling, filtering, evaporation, distillation and fermenting.
Remember then:
Water is Shit.
Wine is Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk a little shit,
than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service in the interest of a cleaner and healthier lifestyle.
And those who are always seen with a bottle of purified water in their hand.
As I always say:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
but in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilogram of Escherichia Coli – that is the bacteria that we find in shit. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilogram of shit per year.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine, beer, tequila, rum, whiskey or any other alcoholic beverage, because alcohol has to go through a purification process including, but not limited to, boiling, filtering, evaporation, distillation and fermenting.
Remember then:
Water is Shit. Wine is Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk a little shit,
than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service in the interest of a cleaner and healthier lifestyle.
online today!
The Secret's Out Now
Everyone knows its my birthday soon so . . . . . . well, I'm a year older 
redex...molly...cal...
In 10 years time
In your honest opinion....
.....am I just a dirty old nugget..
....
....
HEAVEN
When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy The Nation I helped conceive?"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared.
Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared.
Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
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