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just cos you've been a good boy....






bring out the party foods, drinks and balloons, everyone!!


Angel, play the music...I can't upload at the moment...

It's party time

can you help me solve it?

Donald Trump suggests he might deport Prince Harry if he wins US election

The former President says he will take "appropriate action" if the Duke is found to have lied about taking drugs on his US immigration forms.

The former President says he will take "appropriate action" if the Duke is found to have lied about taking drugs on his US immigration forms.

Donald Trump has suggested he could deport the Duke of Sussex from the United States over claims he lied on his visa application about taking drugs.

In an interview with Nigel Farage, the former President said he would take “appropriate action” if he were to win November’s presidential election and Prince Harry was found to have lied on his immigration forms.

I know a guy who's a nervous wreck,
'cause of a terribly sore stiff neck.
He can't figure how it could be,
He's had no disease - or injury.

The doctor can't find a reason for this,
Unless the guy gave it a real hard twist.
Maybe at night he slept in a careen,
Possibly having a real bad dream.

Now - I am no medic -
Maybe just an old hick -
But I know something 'bout this stuff -
He's not swallowing Viagra - FAST ENOUGH !

One day God was looking down at
earth and saw all of the rascally
retirees' behavior that was going on...
So He called His angels and
sent one to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God,
‘Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% of retirees
are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said,
'Maybe I had better send down a second
angel to get another opinion.'


So God called another angel
and sent her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned,
she went to God and said,
'Yes, it's true.
The earth is in decline;
95% of retirees are misbehaving,
but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased....!

So He decided to e-mail the 5%
who were good, because he wanted
to encourage them, and give them
a little something to help them keep going.


Do you know what the e-mail said?

I thought so! I didn't get one either!

A bit on the lighter side of life today. Do you kick yourself when you message anybody and message goes out with a typo ? Or worse, you write if well and the internal autocorrect programme changes a word and so the whole message might look ridiculous? Fear not you’re not alone. Cathay Pacific Airlines of Hong Kong took delivery of a recently newly painted aircraft with their new livery. And the painter did a boo boo. Was it a typo or a deliberate advertising attention grabber sort of typo? They spelt it CATHAY PACIIC.
And I’m agreeing with that somebody who tweeted “the F got *ucking lost”.
See, it happens to all of us. Go *igure huh !
Peace

Three ducks appeared in court one day for causing a disturbance at the park. As the ducks approached the stand, the judge called the first duck up and ask his name and what he was doing that day. The duck replied "my name is Huey and I was in and out of puddles all day."

"Very good" said the judge as he told the duck to step down and called up the 2nd duck and asked him his name and what he was doing that day. "My name is Louie and I spent all day in and out of puddles."

The judge excused the 2nd duck and called on the third duck. The judge said "let me guess, your name is Dewy, right?"

"NO" growled the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles and don't ask me about that day."

Great Orators of the Democrat Party - PAST:

"One man with courage makes a majority." ~Andrew Jackson

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

"The buck stops here." ~Harry S. Truman

"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.." ~John F. Kennedy


Great Orators of the Democrat Party - RECENT:

"It depends what your definition of 'is' is?'' ~William Jefferson Clinton

"Those rumors are false. I believe in the sanctity of marriage." ~John Edwards

"What difference does it make?" (re: Benghazi). ~Hillary Clinton

"I invented the Internet." ~Al Gore

"America is, is no longer, uh, what it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was, uh, and I say to myself, uh, I don't want that future, uh, for my children." ~Barack Obama

"I have campaigned in all 57 states." ~Barack Obama (Quoted 2008)

"You don't need God anymore; you have us Democrats." ~Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006)

"Paying taxes is voluntary." ~Sen. Harry Reid

"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he is." ~Hillary Rodham Clinton (Quoted1998)

"You have a business. You didn't build that. Someone else did!" ~Barack Obama (Quoted 2012)

And the most ridiculous gem of wisdom, from the "Mother Superior Moron": "We just have to pass the Healthcare Bill to see what's in it." ~Nancy Pelosi (Quoted March,2010 )

(As one Doctor said: "That is also the perfect definition of a stool sample.")

Beyond a doubt, the greatest statement of all was made by Democrat House Speaker Sam Rayburn at the first Congressional session after Ted Kennedy was caught, on camera, having sex with one of his aides on the deck of his yacht ... "Ah see that the good Senatuh from the great state of Massutwoshits has changed his position on off-shore drillin'."


AND THE LATEST FROM THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL BUNCH IS.......

"My fear is if North Korea nukes us, Trump's gonna get us into a war." ~ Maxine Waters........2017

How's it going Mr. Peterson?
"It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone Underwear"

"Beer please Woody."
"Isn't it a little early Mr Peterson?"
"OK. Float a cornflake in it"

"What's shakin' Norm?"
"What isn't?"

"What would ya say to a beer?"
"What's a nice beer like you doing in a place like this?"

"What'll you have, Norm?"
"Fame, fortune, and fast women."
"How 'bout a beer?"
"Even better."

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ears."

"Beer Norm?"
"I remember that stuff. Better give me a tall one in case I like it."

"Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."
"And I need a beer to wash him down."

"How's life Norm?"
"Ask a man who's got one."

"What can I do for you Norm?"
"Well, I am going to need something to kill time before my second beer. Uhhh, how about a first one?"

"How's it going, Norm?"
"Cut the small talk and get me a beer."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it."

"What's going on, Normie?"
"My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll
blow out my liver."

"How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?"
"Pretty nervous if I was in the room."

"What's doing, Norm?"
"Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig."

"What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?"
"Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven."

"How's life, Mr. Peterson?"
"Oh, I'm waiting for the movie."

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?"
"The warranty on my liver."

"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out there."

"Can I draw you a beer Norm ?"
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

"How's a beer sound Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

"What's shaking Norm?"
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

"Beer, Normie?"
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week."
"Eh, why not, I'm still young."

"What would you say to a nice beer Normie?"
"Going Down?"

"Beer, Norm?"
"Yeah, that's it."

"What's new Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

"What'll it be Normie?"
"Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer & a snorkel."

"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

"What would you say to a beer Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."

"What'd you like Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes
out of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"What'd you say Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."

"What would you say to a beer Norm?"
"Hiya, sailor. New in town?"

(Coming in from the rain)
"Evening everybody."
Everybody: "Norm!"
"Still pouring Norm?"
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?"
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer."

"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can."

"What's the story Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
"Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"Another layer for the winter, Wood."

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."