Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Viewed, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Four Men
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
Romance....
A lot of Girls think that guys have little or no idea about romance.... this short 42 second clip should prove them wrong.....
.......
.......
online today!
Art collections...
I remember doing a job in the Trump tower on Miami Beach. The building was new (at the time) and filling up quickly. Only one service elevator was in constant use and it could take 20-30 minutes waiting to get to the apartment we were assigned to work on.
Security getting in was slow and they insisted on keeping your identification as guarantee you would pass by when exiting to get you ID back. Since so many trades were working in the building, it wasn't monitored, especially if a trade was working on different units on several floors. The tile guys for example. One company could have several crews going back and forth to each apartment. Often they brought up large tool boxes on wheels. The same for carpenters.
I had resistance on one visit. It was normal to receive a stick-on badge that had my name, photo and the apartment number I was permitted to visit, now a guard was assigned to stay in the elevator checking my badge matched the floor going to. Everything going down was checked. I heard from a general contractor, someone got into a finished apartment (not under construction) and stole some expensive art work. This is what they had to do for being lax in the beginning.
Fast forward. In one development, it's standard practice whenever servicemen are scheduled to be in a homeowner's house, someone (owner, housekeeper, contractor's representative) must watch over the worker at all times. I support that plan 100%.
A few years ago, one of our workers 'strayed' from the area he was assigned to service and the owner caught him 'admiring' some of their art collection. It got back through channels that 'it won't happen again' and the serviceman was expected to be fired. Since he was actually a good worker, he was reassigned to only work on tract housing for developments under construction - before homeowners move in.
It's nice to know people invest in collectables. I had one client with a 'man cave' filled with sports memorabilia that had signed photos, baseballs, footballs, jerseys, shoes of many famous players.
What artwork I have are a few things inherited from my parents. Some faux- ivory scrimshaw and carvings. Not much of a collection.
My mother bought a 'Virgin Mary' plaque from a gift shop while on vacation in Italy.
My dad got something from a restaurant that was closing.
They were both satisfied with their art collection.
Security getting in was slow and they insisted on keeping your identification as guarantee you would pass by when exiting to get you ID back. Since so many trades were working in the building, it wasn't monitored, especially if a trade was working on different units on several floors. The tile guys for example. One company could have several crews going back and forth to each apartment. Often they brought up large tool boxes on wheels. The same for carpenters.
I had resistance on one visit. It was normal to receive a stick-on badge that had my name, photo and the apartment number I was permitted to visit, now a guard was assigned to stay in the elevator checking my badge matched the floor going to. Everything going down was checked. I heard from a general contractor, someone got into a finished apartment (not under construction) and stole some expensive art work. This is what they had to do for being lax in the beginning.
Fast forward. In one development, it's standard practice whenever servicemen are scheduled to be in a homeowner's house, someone (owner, housekeeper, contractor's representative) must watch over the worker at all times. I support that plan 100%.
A few years ago, one of our workers 'strayed' from the area he was assigned to service and the owner caught him 'admiring' some of their art collection. It got back through channels that 'it won't happen again' and the serviceman was expected to be fired. Since he was actually a good worker, he was reassigned to only work on tract housing for developments under construction - before homeowners move in.
It's nice to know people invest in collectables. I had one client with a 'man cave' filled with sports memorabilia that had signed photos, baseballs, footballs, jerseys, shoes of many famous players.
What artwork I have are a few things inherited from my parents. Some faux- ivory scrimshaw and carvings. Not much of a collection.
My mother bought a 'Virgin Mary' plaque from a gift shop while on vacation in Italy.
My dad got something from a restaurant that was closing.
They were both satisfied with their art collection.
Consistent Testing results for AG, Bill Barr
Today from The New Yorker;
No real surprise. He's passed the test of no integrity since being appointed.
Whether it was the untruthful interpretation of Mueller's report, pressuring prosecutors, or
judges, clearly he has no loyalty to the judicial system, nor justice in general.
His loyalty is only to his mob boss.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity
By Andy Borowitz
May 8, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called “a tremendous relief,” the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.
Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.
“When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department with integrity, I was understandably furious,” Barr told reporters. “I told them to go home at once.”
Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering the building.
“I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, but apparently I was mistaken,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the dreaded virtue.
“Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for President Trump,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Bill Barr Tests Negative for Integrity
By Andy Borowitz
May 8, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a test result that he called “a tremendous relief,” the Attorney General, Bill Barr, has tested negative for integrity, Barr confirmed on Friday.
Barr submitted to the test after learning that he had come into contact with career Justice Department prosecutors who were found to be integrity carriers.
“When I learned that there were still people at the Justice Department with integrity, I was understandably furious,” Barr told reporters. “I told them to go home at once.”
Barr said that he was putting into place new protocols that would require Justice Department employees to be tested for integrity before entering the building.
“I thought that anyone with integrity had already left the Justice Department, but apparently I was mistaken,” he said. “It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Although he was elated to learn that he had tested negative for integrity, Barr said that he shuddered to think how close he came to contracting the dreaded virtue.
“Having integrity would have made it impossible for me to work for President Trump,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
No real surprise. He's passed the test of no integrity since being appointed.
Whether it was the untruthful interpretation of Mueller's report, pressuring prosecutors, or
judges, clearly he has no loyalty to the judicial system, nor justice in general.
His loyalty is only to his mob boss.
Laugh 'O The Day...
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbor drawled.
"No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor.
"No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"
BONUS:
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
"No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor.
"No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"
BONUS:
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Skinny-dipping anyone??
Ron, an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm with a big pond in the backyard for several years. The pond was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and citrus trees.
One evening, the old farmer decided to go down and check on the swimming hole, because he hadn't been to that area of the property in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked."
Rob held the bucket up high and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
One evening, the old farmer decided to go down and check on the swimming hole, because he hadn't been to that area of the property in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked."
Rob held the bucket up high and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »