Last Viewed Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbor drawled.

"No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor.

"No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"

BONUS:
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

To be sure...... to be sure.....we just love the Irish!!
A painter by the name of Paddy Mc Manus, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Doolin in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude.
This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 Sterling pounds.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Elsa, his wife.
In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.I'll paint ya in da nude alright, but I have to at least leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes."

Texas Democratic lawmakers have left Texas and flew to Washington D.C. so they can't vote on a bill regarding voting restrictions. Other states are now calling Texas for advise on how they too can get Democrats to leave.

Picture it: a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, two men and a woman are shipwrecked. A month passes. Now apply stereotypes (add any not already included)

If all were Italian - one man has killed the other to have the woman.

If all were French - an enjoyable ménage-à-trois.

If all were German - the two men have built the woman a snug little house, and have a rota of alternating visits to her.

If all were Greek - the men are together, and the woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

If all were Bulgarian, the men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

All three Japanese have faxed Tokyo, and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian woman keeps complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

.... ..... .. ... .. ....

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

...everyone in your blog, like a handing out participation trophies?








...but I like my participation trophies.

Don't judge me.

I just saw this commercial for the first time tonight.
It apparently debuted in 2013 during the Superbowl.
It's kind of silly, but I couldn't help laughing.






Have you seen it before ?

I wouldn't rank it among my favorite commercials;


























But, it did make me laugh.