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For those of our older generation who don't comprehend why Facebook exists.



I am making friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.



Every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and my gardening and spending time in my pool.



I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.



And it works.



I already have 3 people following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long it’s been since you've had a cigarette"
"Ten years," replies the Scotsman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Och - in the name of the wee man is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good scotch?" she asks him.
Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs,
"Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!

Golf is always a man’s first love.

My Business.......
A father walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.

He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man takes hold of the kid and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand.

The man then walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son was fine, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.

The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the thanks.

As he's about to leave, the father asks one last question. "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"No" the man replies, "I work for the IRS, getting people to cough it up is my business." :

Right, possible hypothetical scenario to follow, suspension of reality required

It's the end of the world as we know it!!

Corona Morona Covid Wooha 19 virus-or-is-it-a-flu has morphed...has joined...with stuff... AND IT IS NOW THE BLACK PLAGUE(Mark 2)

Sooooooooo. We have 12 days What to do? Hmmmmmm

So, Chancer has a challenge for you

12 days

unlimited funds

unlimited imagination

We have all contracted the deadly disease. We have 12 days left. TOGETHER. What are we gonna do? We can do ANYTHING.

Run wild.

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.
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---- IMAGE REMOVED because photobucket.com no longer allows embedded images ----

That's ladybugs for ya.

I just hope they don't.....slug...it out.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"

“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."

"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." .........
:
He came up with that name quick

Which are your favorites?

Tag - Satire
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Ginsburg: ‘I Am Mentally Fit Enough To Serve Through The End Of President Eisenhower’s Term’

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Dispelling rumors that the Supreme Court Justice could be retiring soon, Ruth Bader Ginsburg told reporters that she is “mentally fit enough to serve through the end of President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s term in office.”



She made the comments just after her second morning nap, telling the press “not to worry” about her mental state.

“I can wait out that old Republican bat,” she said, grinning. “I’m not gonna sit around and let Eisenhower pick a terrible Supreme Court nominee like Earl Warren to replace me. No, siree. I’ll wait until one of the Kennedys finally runs for office so we’ll get a solid, left-wing judge in my place.”

Ginsburg also stated that she would continue to judge impartially on all pressing topics confronting the nation, such as the Cold War, segregation in schools, and the Red Scare.

At publishing time, a rambling Ginsburg had also stated she would not be resigning her post as Princess Frostine of the great kingdom of Candy Land “any time soon.”

Mr. Handsome - Part 2

This is the fourth.



Who can beat me?



Is that even a question?

I think I am already beaten.

Sorry for hogging the first page.

Now bump me to the second page with something better than this silliness.

Will come back and delete these.

Sorry, if I interrupted any entertainment.

Now may I take my leave. Was stuck in traffic.