Most Liked Comedy Blogs (1,864)

You know. The life or death issues like;

How many times an obese person needs to flush a toilet if they overeat on KFC & McDonalds

or

How the new light bulbs make you look off color when you spray your face with spray-on tan products

or

How we can make the middle class and poor pay a greater share of the taxes instead of the rich

or

Which brand of beans we should buy

or

Who stole something that wasn't stolen.


I just don't know how these crucial subjects somehow just disappeared without anyone putting most of their time focused on them.

This online world of wonders, fake profiles and fake pictures. How do you know who is real?

Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery,
vomits and falls down on the floor...
Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.
Next day wen he gets up he expects his wife to be really angry with. him....
He prays that they shouldd not have a
fight..
He finds a note near the table...
"Honey..your favourite breakfast is ready on the table,
i had to leave early to buy grocery...
i'll come running back to you, my love.
I love you. ...
He gets surprised and asks his son..,
'what happened last night..?
Son told...,"
when mom pulled you to bed and tried
removing your boots and shirt..
you were dead drunk and you said......
"Hey Lady ! Leave Me Alone...
I M Married !!!”.............

Who will be the Globes leader?

April 2020, France's 42-year-old president, Emmanuel Macron, who has faced many challenges governing his country, was positioning himself to take over the mantle of global leadership long reserved to the older leaders of China, Russia or especially the United States. And right now, he has no real challengers.

Personally I thought Trudeau of Canada was also a contender but I think he has lost it. Trump was a contender but was found too outspoken or considered a loose cannon. Biden is at the moment just a puppet so he is out too.
Believe it or not, from playing the piano with his d!ck to standing up to Russians, current Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is/was a jockey in the until Putin kicked his a$$.

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”
The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
“Well,” the farmer said, “Today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the half....bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”
“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.”
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied.
“So what happened then?” the man asked.
The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”
“And then?” the man asked.
“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the half... bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”
The man laughed and said, “Again?”
The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asked.
“I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.”
“And then?”
“Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Hmmm,” the man said and nodded his head.
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said.
“So, what did you do?” the man asked.
“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.. Some things you just can’t explain.”

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I said to the wife "well if I'm so bald, how do you explain that long dark curly hair?"

She replied "your a** don't count"

Monkeys relax, eat, play, sleep and have sex like crazy ...
I was wondering ... why the hell did we evolve ?!

---

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

---

A man goes to bed one night and falls asleep. The next thing he knows, he is standing at the gates of heaven with St. Peter. He says "where am I?" St Peter replies "you died and you are at the gates of heaven. The man replied "omg no, I can't be dead, I got so much left to do. Can you please send me back to finish my life's work. St. Peter says "I can send you back but there is a catch, you must be sent back as a chicken. The man says "well, I'll find a way to get things done even as a chicken" so he agrees.

Next thing the man knows, he is in a farmers field as a chicken. The man thinks "well this isn't quite as bad as I thought it would be" so he mingles with the other chickens. After a while, he feels that strange feeling in his stomach, he asks the other chickens what was going on. They explained to him that he is ready to lay a egg so they tell him to just gently push and it will come out so the man pushes and sure enough, he lays an egg. The man feels another strange feeling so he pushes again to lay the second egg when all of a sudden he is slapped in the face by his wife who says "wake up you god damn old fool, your shitting in the bed!"

---

A man got stranded on a island in the middle of the ocean one day and all he had with him was a dog and a sheep that also got stranded with him. He decided not to eat them and have them as pets as he was going to be alone for a long time. After some time past, the sheep started to look more and more attractive to him but every time he tried the sheep, the dog would growl and get between them. This went on for some time.

This one day, he spots something on the horizon coming his way, as it got closer, he could see that it was a woman hanging on to a piece of wood and coming right for the island. When she washed onshore, he ran to her with a home made towel and some food. After she dried off and got something to eat, she said "thank you so much, how can I ever repay you looking at him seductively?"

He replied, "would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Hope no one pranks you too badly

Me and the wife, we got such cute pet names for each other. She is my honey bunches and I am her fking a**hole