Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Trump to Throw Out First before game at Yankee Stadium
Today in The New Yorker;
Well Dirty Don, I get misty eyed too, when I realize, that it won't be long,
before the voters can finally throw you out also.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump to Throw Out First Amendment at Yankee Stadium
By Andy Borowitz
July 24, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an event that he described as “historic,” Donald J. Trump announced that he will throw out the First Amendment at Yankee Stadium next month.
“It’s going to be an amazing and fantastic thing I’ll be doing,” Trump said. “I’ve asked a lot of history experts,
and they all say that no President has thrown out an amendment before.”
“Obama was President for eight years and never threw out an amendment,” he said. “What a loser.”
Trump said that he had considered throwing out the First Amendment “many, many times before”
but had ultimately decided to preserve freedom of the press for his friends at Fox News.
“But, thanks to that beauty Chris Wallace, now I know that Fox is just as nasty and fake as the rest,”
he said. “The only real journalist left is that nice lady at OAN.”
When asked how he is preparing for his Yankee Stadium appearance,
Trump said that he is consulting with other world leaders who are experienced in throwing out laws.
“I had a terrific conversation with Vladimir Putin,” Trump said. “They don’t have a First Amendment in Russia,
but he said that, if they did, he would definitely throw it out. So that made me feel good.”
Trump grew misty-eyed as he contemplated his upcoming visit to Yankee Stadium.
“I can’t believe I’ll be throwing out the First Amendment,” he said. “Every little boy dreams of this.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump to Throw Out First Amendment at Yankee Stadium
By Andy Borowitz
July 24, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an event that he described as “historic,” Donald J. Trump announced that he will throw out the First Amendment at Yankee Stadium next month.
“It’s going to be an amazing and fantastic thing I’ll be doing,” Trump said. “I’ve asked a lot of history experts,
and they all say that no President has thrown out an amendment before.”
“Obama was President for eight years and never threw out an amendment,” he said. “What a loser.”
Trump said that he had considered throwing out the First Amendment “many, many times before”
but had ultimately decided to preserve freedom of the press for his friends at Fox News.
“But, thanks to that beauty Chris Wallace, now I know that Fox is just as nasty and fake as the rest,”
he said. “The only real journalist left is that nice lady at OAN.”
When asked how he is preparing for his Yankee Stadium appearance,
Trump said that he is consulting with other world leaders who are experienced in throwing out laws.
“I had a terrific conversation with Vladimir Putin,” Trump said. “They don’t have a First Amendment in Russia,
but he said that, if they did, he would definitely throw it out. So that made me feel good.”
Trump grew misty-eyed as he contemplated his upcoming visit to Yankee Stadium.
“I can’t believe I’ll be throwing out the First Amendment,” he said. “Every little boy dreams of this.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Well Dirty Don, I get misty eyed too, when I realize, that it won't be long,
before the voters can finally throw you out also.
Refusing to leave a job that he hates, even after being fired.
From The New Yorker;
Now, that's not entirely true. He could probably still get a job as a used car salesman, or in a pyramid scheme.
In response to:
Man Refuses to Leave Job He Hates
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A Florida man who hates the job he has held for practically 4 years is however refusing to go away it, puzzling psychologists.
While many individuals are reluctant to go away jobs that they get pleasure from, the person has proven each signal of despising his job from the day he took it.
Rather than making use of himself to the duties earlier than him, he has gone to nice lengths to keep away from them, watching tv many of the day and often leaving the workplace to play golf.
Sometimes, he has even hidden within the basement of his office for hours, based on experiences.
And but, regardless of his apparent distaste for his job, he has steadfastly refused to simply accept the truth that he was fired from it two weeks in the past.
Dr. Davis Logsdon, chairman of the psychology division of the University of Minnesota, proposed a potential rationalization for the person’s weird actions.
“This is the behavior of someone who has failed at many jobs,” he mentioned. “On some level, he is terrified that he is not employable anywhere else.”
Man Refuses to Leave Job He Hates
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A Florida man who hates the job he has held for practically 4 years is however refusing to go away it, puzzling psychologists.
While many individuals are reluctant to go away jobs that they get pleasure from, the person has proven each signal of despising his job from the day he took it.
Rather than making use of himself to the duties earlier than him, he has gone to nice lengths to keep away from them, watching tv many of the day and often leaving the workplace to play golf.
Sometimes, he has even hidden within the basement of his office for hours, based on experiences.
And but, regardless of his apparent distaste for his job, he has steadfastly refused to simply accept the truth that he was fired from it two weeks in the past.
Dr. Davis Logsdon, chairman of the psychology division of the University of Minnesota, proposed a potential rationalization for the person’s weird actions.
“This is the behavior of someone who has failed at many jobs,” he mentioned. “On some level, he is terrified that he is not employable anywhere else.”
Now, that's not entirely true. He could probably still get a job as a used car salesman, or in a pyramid scheme.
Maxine Waters Gets Duped By Fake Greta Thunberg Claiming She Has Dirt on President Trump’s Dealings
Low IQ Congresswoman Maxine Waters (D-CA) got duped by notorious Russian pranksters, Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov — AGAIN.
Russian pranksters Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov, who go by the stage names Vovan and Lexus, trolled the hell out of a woman who identified herself as Maxine Waters and convinced her that Swedish green teen activist Greta Thunberg had dirt on Trump’s dealings with Ukraine.
These same pranksters tricked Adam Schiff into believing they had nude photos of President Trump that could be used as blackmail.
The fake Greta Thunberg along with her ‘father’ get on the phone and convince Maxine Waters into throwing her support behind an island that doesn’t even exist.
“What’s the name of the island they are targeting?” Waters asked.
“Chunga-Changa,” said the pranksters.
Maxine Waters falls for it and goes on a three-minute rant addressing a non-existent audience, throwing her support behind Greta’s work to protect the island of “Chunga-Changa.”
Greta Thunberg’s ‘father’ then divulges to Waters that he has some confidential and damaging insider information on Trump’s dealings with Ukraine from Greta’s meeting with Trump at the UN.
“ said to her, ‘You know, little girl, nobody believe you anyway, I will tell you the truth. I really pushed on Ukrainian president and you know that you will never achieve your goals like those congressional fools that accuse me,” Greta’s ‘father’ said to Waters.
“Oh my God, he mentioned the Ukrainian president?” Waters responds.
Rest of the story with audio:
Russian pranksters Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov, who go by the stage names Vovan and Lexus, trolled the hell out of a woman who identified herself as Maxine Waters and convinced her that Swedish green teen activist Greta Thunberg had dirt on Trump’s dealings with Ukraine.
These same pranksters tricked Adam Schiff into believing they had nude photos of President Trump that could be used as blackmail.
The fake Greta Thunberg along with her ‘father’ get on the phone and convince Maxine Waters into throwing her support behind an island that doesn’t even exist.
“What’s the name of the island they are targeting?” Waters asked.
“Chunga-Changa,” said the pranksters.
Maxine Waters falls for it and goes on a three-minute rant addressing a non-existent audience, throwing her support behind Greta’s work to protect the island of “Chunga-Changa.”
Greta Thunberg’s ‘father’ then divulges to Waters that he has some confidential and damaging insider information on Trump’s dealings with Ukraine from Greta’s meeting with Trump at the UN.
“ said to her, ‘You know, little girl, nobody believe you anyway, I will tell you the truth. I really pushed on Ukrainian president and you know that you will never achieve your goals like those congressional fools that accuse me,” Greta’s ‘father’ said to Waters.
“Oh my God, he mentioned the Ukrainian president?” Waters responds.
Rest of the story with audio:
The newest Democrat demand upon the Senate lol
Today in The New Yorker;
There's no doubt, that Giuliani, the bumbling buffoon, would inadvertantly implicate Trump's involvement in several crimes, that we didn't even know about.... yet, and even show us evidence of such on his cell phone.
For C-SPAN it would be must-see TV, and for Trump the end of his presidency.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Democrats Demand That Giuliani Be Trump’s Lawyer at Impeachment Trial
By Andy Borowitz
11:00 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rudolph Giuliani’s offer to act as Donald J. Trump’s defense attorney at the President’s impeachment trial has received unanimous support from congressional Democrats, who are now demanding that he perform such a role.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer told reporters on Tuesday that Giuliani’s participation as Trump’s lawyer during his Senate trial was, as far as they were concerned, “nonnegotiable.”
“Rudy Giuliani has demonstrated over the past three years that he can represent the President as no one else can,” Pelosi said. “If he is not the President’s lawyer in the Senate, that would be a deal-breaker for me.”
Concurring with Pelosi, Schumer added, “My Democratic colleagues in the Senate are prepared to pay Mr. Giuliani’s hourly fees, in cash, to make this thing happen.”
Pelosi indicated that Democrats were now willing to back off their earlier demands for witnesses at the trial. “No witnesses,” she said. “Just Giuliani.”
Appearing on Fox News, Giuliani said that he was “a little surprised” by the Democrats’ enthusiastic support, adding, “Nancy Pelosi even offered to drive me to work every morning, which I thought was really nice.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell did not answer reporters’ questions about a possible role for Giuliani in the impeachment trial, nor would he confirm reports that he had given the Senate’s security desk a photo of Giuliani with instructions to bar his entry.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Democrats Demand That Giuliani Be Trump’s Lawyer at Impeachment Trial
By Andy Borowitz
11:00 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rudolph Giuliani’s offer to act as Donald J. Trump’s defense attorney at the President’s impeachment trial has received unanimous support from congressional Democrats, who are now demanding that he perform such a role.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer told reporters on Tuesday that Giuliani’s participation as Trump’s lawyer during his Senate trial was, as far as they were concerned, “nonnegotiable.”
“Rudy Giuliani has demonstrated over the past three years that he can represent the President as no one else can,” Pelosi said. “If he is not the President’s lawyer in the Senate, that would be a deal-breaker for me.”
Concurring with Pelosi, Schumer added, “My Democratic colleagues in the Senate are prepared to pay Mr. Giuliani’s hourly fees, in cash, to make this thing happen.”
Pelosi indicated that Democrats were now willing to back off their earlier demands for witnesses at the trial. “No witnesses,” she said. “Just Giuliani.”
Appearing on Fox News, Giuliani said that he was “a little surprised” by the Democrats’ enthusiastic support, adding, “Nancy Pelosi even offered to drive me to work every morning, which I thought was really nice.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell did not answer reporters’ questions about a possible role for Giuliani in the impeachment trial, nor would he confirm reports that he had given the Senate’s security desk a photo of Giuliani with instructions to bar his entry.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
There's no doubt, that Giuliani, the bumbling buffoon, would inadvertantly implicate Trump's involvement in several crimes, that we didn't even know about.... yet, and even show us evidence of such on his cell phone.
For C-SPAN it would be must-see TV, and for Trump the end of his presidency.
2 seconds
Yes I've had too much time on my hands lately.
Why is there a 2second rule surely if it falls on the floor it takes less than 2 seconds to collect germs.
Why does buttered bread always fall buttered side down.
Why do people always visit when the house is a mess and never when it's perfect.
Why when I put my washing on its sunny but by the time it's done its pissing down.
Why is there a 2second rule surely if it falls on the floor it takes less than 2 seconds to collect germs.
Why does buttered bread always fall buttered side down.
Why do people always visit when the house is a mess and never when it's perfect.
Why when I put my washing on its sunny but by the time it's done its pissing down.
online today!
lol
One day, I was on a date with this girl I been seeing off and on lately. She excused herself to the bathroom but left her phone on the table and I knew it wasn't password protected.
I decided to have a quick look and when I brought up her contact list, I noticed one that was named "free dinner". I thought to myself "poor sap, being played like that", so I decided I was going to give him a call and tell him what she had him called on her phone so I pushed the button and dialed.
My phone rang . . . . .
I decided to have a quick look and when I brought up her contact list, I noticed one that was named "free dinner". I thought to myself "poor sap, being played like that", so I decided I was going to give him a call and tell him what she had him called on her phone so I pushed the button and dialed.
My phone rang . . . . .
Pick-UP lines for the Covid-19 era (for men & women)
What do you think about going back to my place and washing our hands together ?
Do you have Covid-19 ? Why ? Because you look a lot hotter than 98.6 F
Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you extra happy to be closer than 6 feet from me ?
I'd love to be self-isolated with you for several weeks.
Hey baby, if you have the time, I've got 2-ply at my place.
Add your own, if you like.
Do you have Covid-19 ? Why ? Because you look a lot hotter than 98.6 F
Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you extra happy to be closer than 6 feet from me ?
I'd love to be self-isolated with you for several weeks.
Hey baby, if you have the time, I've got 2-ply at my place.
Add your own, if you like.
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »