Most Liked Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus,
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends.

The very nature of feminism...being independent and s*xual revolution is now wrecking the planet.

How so?

Now the same family that live in one house years ago, now need 2. (double the resources being used)

The same with vehicles need.

The same with electricity being used.

Houses need to be heated.

All those extra fossil fuels being used....all that extra pollution.


But of course, we know it is all the man's fault...right feminists?

...all that abuse.

Better yet, what about if we refuse to believe it...it just want be a reality then.



Keep up the good work.

Of course, this is just meant to be some comedy...hope we all get a good laugh from it.

This is some hilarious stuff. Women...take notes.

Ivanka is scheduled to appear (by order of the court) Wednesday next week to testify in the New York fraud trial of the Trump organization case. You know, she and Jared have moved to Miami and she's busying raising children. Pretty terrible duty mom as she's appealing on the grounds that she would face 'undue hardship' to find childcare during a school week.


Ivanka dahlink, tell security I'll be there Monday afternoon and I'll bring a suitable nanny. We'll 'hold the fort' until you return. Don't worry... I'll arrange the whole thing, no charge!

The newfie says to the bartender "get me a drink before the fight starts." The bartender gives him the drink and the newfie downs it. The newfie says "give me another drink before the fight starts." The bartender hands him the drink and says " here you go, and by the way, who is fighting?"

The newfie replies "me and you when you find out I can't pay for these drinks."

---

Two old women were outside one day having a smoke when it started to rain. One old lady pulled a condom out of her purse and put it over her smoke. The other old lady asked "what is that?" The first old lady said "its a condom and they are great for keeping your smokes dry. You can get them at the drug store".

A few days later it rains again and the 2nd old lady goes to the drug store and asks for some condoms. The clerk, taken back a bit that such a old woman would be asking for condoms decides to humor her a bit and says "sure, what brand would you like?" The old lady replies "it doesn't matter as long as they can fit a camel".

---

Monkeys relax, eat, play, sleep and have sex like crazy ...
I was wondering ... why the hell did we evolve ?!

???? LITTLE OLD LADY IN COURT ????

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Old Lady: I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down
beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I sh*ot him, the little bast*ard.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Anonymous sources are reporting heightened stress in the hallways of the White House. One source close to the Biden family revealed that the supply chain crisis currently gripping our nation has now reached the home of the Commander-In-Chief.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a White House staff member charged with stocking the East Wing with everyday necessities like tissues, toilet paper, young girls, ice cream, and underwear featuring maximum absorbency and a bold, masculine design for a smooth, sleek fit, has been having trouble finding that last item on the list.

“When I told the First Lady store shelves were empty, she yelled at me, then instructed the Secret Service to meet her in the White House craft room with a package of Huggies, some scissors, and rolls of duct tape,” said the exhausted staffer.

Some crazed conspiracy theorists claim the recent rise in FBI raids on senior living centers can be directly tied to the shortage of products promising incontinence protection for men in a variety of styles, absorbencies, and colors.

At press time, Dr. Jill Biden was overheard threatening to shorten Transportation Secretary Buttigieg’s six-month paternity leave if he did not solve the supply chain crisis quickly.

The press asked Jen Psaki if the Biden administration has the fortitude to get the economy flowing again while preventing further crises from leaking into his weak approval rating.

"Well, the answer to that is unclear at this time," said Psaki. "It Depends®."

I have recently discovered my hidden artistic talent.

If anybody would like portraits of their pets done, just pm me for details.

Act quick because Christmas orders are filling up fast!!

A woman home alone, answers a knock on the door to a man who just stood there and asked, "Do you have a vag*ina"
She slams the door in disgust and tells her husband that night when he got home from work.
The next morning she answers a knock on the door. Its the same man and he asks the same question. "Do you have a vag*ina"
Once again she slams the door.
She immediately gets on the phone and rings her husband at work.
He tells her he will take the day off tomorrow just in case the man shows up a third time.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both make for the door.
The husband whispers to his wife, "Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to tell him yes to his question, because I want to a see where he's going with this."
She nods, a yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there. He asks, "Do you have a vag*ina"
"Yes I do." says the lady.
The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
I think the man behind the door...
He's a dead man!....now

This... guy is in serious trouble..

A Farmer orders an expensive milking
machine. He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does.
*But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool. Anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information.
**He tries every button on the instrument, without success.
Finally the Farmer decides
to call the customer hotline. *
*''Hello, I just bought a Cow Milking
Machine from your company, it works
fantastic, but how do you remove it from the cow's udder'' *
*"Don't worry sir'', replies the Customer
Service Person, ''the machine will release automatically once it has collected two litres!" ....