Most Liked Comedy Blogs (1,864)

In the South, all of you has been replaced with Y'all.
This happened long before the time of the Civil War.
Everyone is included when you say Y'all.
But... (there's always a but) if Y'all isn't enough, you can make it plural and say Y'all's as in "I needs to knows what Y'all's want for the barbecue on Saturday"
Yeah, all of you!

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"

“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."

"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." .........
:
He came up with that name quick

Heinz Looks for Man Who Survived a Month at Sea Eating Only Ketchup So They Can Buy Him a Boat

Spotting an opportunity to change someone’s life and nab some pretty stunning publicity in the process, Heinz is looking to get in contact with a Dominican sailor who survived four weeks adrift at sea with little more sustenance than a bottle of ketchup. The company wants to give the man a new boat with state-of-the-art navigation systems so as to avoid any future ordeals of this type.

Elvis Francois was out on his boat off the coast of St Maarten when the weather turned and started carrying him out into the open ocean. “I tried to back to port, but I lost track because it took me a while to mount the sail and fix the sail,” he said. “…I call my friends, my coworkers. They tried to contact me, but they lost service. There was nothing else I could do than sit down and wait.”

So Francois wrote ‘Help’ on the back of his boat and waited to see what happened with nothing more to eat other than a packet of garlic seasoning, a bottle of ketchup, and his lunch that day of Maggi soup. He was rescued by the Colombian navy, who brought him back to Cartagena for a medical examination that found he was “in good health.”

Heinz has put out a digital message in a bottle to try and contact Francois, to whom they would like to gift a new boat “equipped with full navigational technology to avoid another disaster in the future,” the company told CBS news. “We’re hoping to spread the word far and wide so Heinz can finally gift the new boat to Elvis,” the company said.

“We’re setting this message adrift into the sea of the internet, because if anyone can help us find him, it’s you,” the company said. “If you or anyone you know can help us get in contact with Elvis Francois, please drop us a DM.” So far they’ve contacted the government of Dominica where he lives, and the Colombian Navy, but currently have had no luck.

I'm thinking 'ketchup' man doesn't want any more lingering reminders of his ordeal at sea, so maybe he's hiding.

I sometimez feel really baaddd for that God fella !! I mean if there is One !!

If God is around somewhere , then The God must be thinking ...

"These two legged creature called human Braught me down here on Earth for their own Personal Agenda...
When did I Asked to this creature called Human to Bring me down to Earth to Have any of their Recognition as God at all !!? "

"Now look at these Humans... There are sooo many other species here in Universe ... No one has become that much pain in my a*s except these Humans !! "

"These Humans Bugging me constantly with their all kind of Prayers (I have lost count of how many different methods they have invented to Bug me in the name of Religion !! ) ... "

"These Humans always Nagging me for every Problem they face every now and then... Can't they sort out anything by themselves at all !! Even if they have a pimple on their face , still they will poke me !!! Can you imagine !! "

"And don't forget the Blaming part !! For all of their own Choices and Actions , whenever they got into Trouble , they start to Blame me !!
And these Humans will Drag me to Justify every Rediculous Rule they have ever made and everything they have done Wrong ever.. "

"And then , to my worst Nightmare , these Humans started Pulling me into their own messing Battleground called as Debate Over The Existence Of God !!!!! "

"Geeezzz !!! Will these Humans Live And Let Live me alone in my own World Of Peace ever for Gods' sake !!!!! "

One of the good days it was today.... a day of light and happiness no shadow formed against me shall prosper... ....and if you say what to that then I say do they speak English is what mother clucker.....


Again a joke BLOG not aimed at anyone but my foolish self......

I got up this morning thinking, there must be a way to quickly become a multi-millionaire. I just need to find the right Business Proposal. If I play my cards right, I'd be rich in just 2 weeks...
Awesome.

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand-new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
PS don’t try to find me. Your SISTER, Carla, & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
.
.
.
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping, too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if I can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers, I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So, when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone ... Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Your Free and Rich EX-Wife
PS … I hope you and my SISTER have a great life.
By-The-Way, did she tell you her name use to be 'Carl' before her operation?....