Most Liked Comedy Blogs (1,864)

An old wolf.
So an older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend .
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only ££40,000", the jeweller said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had"
(Typical guy
Dumb girl)

*Beep beep* Human, take me to your leader

Which one? We have hundreds. All hostile to illegal aliens

We bring gifts - a cure for your virus AND a vaccine. An end to the panic!

oh right they definitely won't talk to you. They're stoking the panic.

but your world is in turmoil! So many hysterical if someone exhales within 20 feet of them! So many refusing to admit there is a virus at all! We've come a long way to help you!

Listen, bud. You'd have to register your stuff for testing and then for registering and there's a queue. Lots of vaccines and cures in the pipeline. You want to waltz in here and jump the queue? Not going to happen.

But ours WORKS

Yeah? Every pharmaceutical company on earth will fight you every inch of the way. ESPECIALLY if it works.

Ignore them. Let the people rise up and demand their rights. We have enough vaccine for all!

Yeah, well - lots of people are, mmm, paranoid. They'd refuse a vaccine if it was developed right here on earth. So – um, sorry










You’re nuts, you know that?

yes we are. But thanks for trying.

It's the talk that president Trump wants his face on Mount Rushmore, or at least he's suggested it would be a good idea. I'm thinking it's a joke, but some fact checking say it's true.
Sure Donald, you can bring it up as much as you want, but there's one stipulation...
You have to have died many years ago!!

I suppose they can privatize it and call it Mount Trumpmore.

Remember the photo opp with an upside down bible, that Trump did in Washington DC not long ago.
Trump had the military turn less lethal guns on the peaceful protesters there.
Well, a whistleblower recently indicated, that they actually considered using a heat wave against the peaceful protesters. This military device makes it seem like your skin is on fire within about 4 seconds.
People have a constitutional right to peacefully protest. It's really strange how some people turn their back on those who peacefully protest and enable abuse of the public.

Unbelievable how corrupt the Trump administration is, including AG Bill Barr.

Anyway, here is the 'Closer Look' by Seth Myers earlier tonight;

Which are your favorites?

I'm thinking about writing a book for liberals to understand words spoken by Conservatives.
It will be sort of a political dictionary and the title will be:
"I speak Connese, do you?"

Examples of the first edition will include words like:

farce b i = FBI
libs = liberals (the derogatory name for democrats)
demonrats = democrats
'crats = democrats
obozo = Obama
obismal = Obama
Hussein = Obama's middle name used in an attempt to annoy libs (liberals, see above)
o'biden = Biden

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defence attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.

When I was younger life was simple, no smart phones, I talked to my kids most every day,
BUT NOW!
They have nothing to say, there’s something on Facebook or some other site, they can’t communicate, its just not right, family meals don’t exist, afraid there’s something online they’ve missed, pouting is the way to go, take your picture, it’s just a show, when you ask a question , they don’t know, like,,(honest, because they cant listen) what’s your name?,,,,, the answer?,,, what’s the name of this game!
I ask myself the same Question.