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Today in The New Yorker;

More play on Mary Trump's book reveals and tying it into other aspects of Dirty Don
from Andy Borowitz.



Satire from The Borowitz Report

Pence Accused of Taking Trump’s Coronavirus Tests for Him

By Andy Borowitz

July 8, 2020

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—In a scandal that threatens to upend Donald Trump’s Presidency, a new book accuses Trump of paying Vice-President Mike Pence to take his coronavirus tests for him.

According to the book, “Swapping Swabs: Trump’s Pandemic of Lies,” when the subject of being tested for the virus first came up, in March, Trump started casting about for a “good test-taker” to substitute for him.

Trump considered several candidates for the ruse, including his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and the Attorney General, William Barr, but ultimately settled on Pence, who agreed to take the tests for the fee of twenty-five dollars per result.

Reportedly, Pence initially balked at the proposal, expressing concern that it “would look bad” if the truth about his taking Trump’s coronavirus tests came out, but Trump brusquely shut him down.

“I’ve never taken my own tests, and I’m not going to start now,” Trump allegedly snapped.


Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

From The New Yorker;




Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

Hot off the press, today from The New Yorker;



Well, that's not a fair match-up. LeBron took his own tests and did his own school work.
Trump barely passed a cognitive test and paid other people to take his tests.
Not that we've actually seen those results of the cognitive test.
Maybe they're hidden with his tax returns and school grades.

Though the blind lady touring the White House did not see Trump kick her seeing eye dog, she heard the thump and heard the loud yelp of her helper, followed by the retreating scurry of feet toward the Oval Office.

Since the blind lady saw nothing, nothing was said of the incident by White House staff.

So that is it. That is how easy it is to create a false story.
Keep that is mind next time you hear a story about democrats abusing an innocent Trump follower.

Mary Trump's book on her Uncle Donald is out today.
Dirty Don's brother sued to keep the book from getting published,
but a judge ruled against it.

In the book Mary Trump writes that Donald's father,
was "a high functioning sociopath".

Stephen Colbert's joke following this information was....

"too bad that Donald's father didn't pass down the 'high functioning' part of that."

Today in The New Yorker

Since we've been dallying here concerning English, I thought I'd mention this fellow, widely thought of as 'the father' of the language. And needless to say, whenever such a phrase is heard, many names come to mind, not least the Bard himself, or the committee that he may have been. But what of Chaucer?
Well, in one of the Ueber-alt-liberal Beeb's programs, I learned a bit about him. First of all, he was well born, and wore many hats, during his half century of life. For a man living in the second half of the 14th century, he traveled a good deal, from the Baltics to Turkey. And much of this was as a combat soldier. (hundred years war!) He was captured and released on ransom, paid by the King Himself. Well connected, I'd say.....
Returning to London, his place of birth, he was a public servant of the court, even as an esquire, the title lawyers use these days. He married well, during which time he wanted for little, with all his wife's dough. But her early death left him in financial straits, and he then worked at different jobs, until his death, in 1400. Some were again as a court official, and he did gardening later in life.
All this apparently left him little time to write, but write he did. But what about all this father of the English language literature stuff?
Seems as though, in the day, English was a lower class tongue, even in England. French was spoken at Court, and Latin was used for much else. But perhaps his best known work was Canterbury Tales. Written in quite colorful vernacular, it contained much not discussed in polite company, but was widely, VERY widely, enjoyed, and known by company of all sorts, anyway.
The twenty four tales, each named after one of the motley pilgrims on their way to the shrine at Canterbury, which they never reached, spared little of the saucy details on intimate dalliance, between women and men. And unusual for the time, the ladies got their good share, and weren't afraid to kiss and tell. And to smell.
Scholars apparently still debate why his writing, much of which was in lively verse, might have brought about the gradual switch to the broader use of English, and the demise of Latin and French. But He's burred in Poets' Corner in London. Not too shabby, for a wine merchant's son.
Just brought this up because his English is a blast to try to read and to understand. Sure, the s*xual antics titillate, especially considering the time it was written. And the earthy-risque' humour, VERY earthy, is a hoot.
But it's the use of words and phrases, most of which are reasonably clear even today, but some less understandable, that is interesting. With the naughty hat on, easy enough to get it all, with help from the context. It all got me thinking, with lots of possibilities, about the evolution of language. And the rhyming verse is great.
Your library should have CT, and other stuff he wrote. Some might even have modern English along with His verse, pages side by side. Check it out. Then check it out.
English. Lots of fun, when not abused, or taken too seriously. We've all had such teachers, sadly so. When your one only important cherished thing in life, is a pathetic box of nails, every tool starts to look like a hammer. I digress