Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Christmas Party Illusion
He spotted her immediately
He was starstruck at her beauty
Vibrant russet locks flowing down her back
Cheekbones cut from pure granite
Breasts that defied gravity & science
Electric blue eyes that beguiled him home
He woke up to hair extensions of the floor
Short mousy brown hair rinsed clear of colour
Face without highlighter,
Chicken fillets removed from bra
Coloured contact lenses back in their box
Be careful of the illusion, it is just that.
Happy Christmas
He was starstruck at her beauty
Vibrant russet locks flowing down her back
Cheekbones cut from pure granite
Breasts that defied gravity & science
Electric blue eyes that beguiled him home
He woke up to hair extensions of the floor
Short mousy brown hair rinsed clear of colour
Face without highlighter,
Chicken fillets removed from bra
Coloured contact lenses back in their box
Be careful of the illusion, it is just that.
Happy Christmas
Having a heck of a day......
I was sitting there at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" He says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure.” I was late to a meeting, and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen, and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.
"I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in, and I sit here watching the poison dissolve..............… and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! But, enough about me, how are you doing?"
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" He says menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure.” I was late to a meeting, and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen, and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.
"I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in, and I sit here watching the poison dissolve..............… and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! But, enough about me, how are you doing?"
For Laughs
This is getting more funny by the week...The numerous books released or soon to a book store near you...all in an attempt to ensure people are informed by what it really is like to serve the White house and President...
For your viewing pleasure...
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For your viewing pleasure...
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This one has so much truth in it, it's not even funny.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Twenty Million Witnesses Come Forward Claiming They Saw Kavanaugh Lie Under Oath
By Andy Borowitz
October 1, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the F.B.I. hurries to complete its supplemental background check of the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, twenty million witnesses have come forward claiming that they saw Kavanaugh lie under oath.
According to the witnesses, they can remember the place where they saw Kavanaugh lie, a hearing room in the United States Senate, and the exact date and time, this past Thursday afternoon.
Despite the striking similarity of their stories, the twenty million witnesses to Kavanaugh’s mendacity said that they were having trouble getting in touch with the F.B.I., even though lying to the Senate is a federal crime and thus within the Bureau’s jurisdiction.
“I called my local F.B.I. office and was told to call the Bureau’s toll-free tip line,” Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Toledo, Ohio, said. “I did that, but the mailbox for Kavanaugh tips was full.”
Carol Foyler, a Mobile, Alabama, resident who said that she, too, witnessed Kavanaugh lie under oath, expressed frustration at the artificial deadline of the F.B.I.’s probe. “One week is not nearly enough time to interview twenty million people,” she said.
In Washington, Senator Lindsey Graham furiously rejected the witnesses’ version of events, arguing, “This is a classic case of he-said/twenty million said.”
“If lying in the United States Senate is a crime, none of us is safe,” Graham added.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Twenty Million Witnesses Come Forward Claiming They Saw Kavanaugh Lie Under Oath
By Andy Borowitz
October 1, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the F.B.I. hurries to complete its supplemental background check of the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, twenty million witnesses have come forward claiming that they saw Kavanaugh lie under oath.
According to the witnesses, they can remember the place where they saw Kavanaugh lie, a hearing room in the United States Senate, and the exact date and time, this past Thursday afternoon.
Despite the striking similarity of their stories, the twenty million witnesses to Kavanaugh’s mendacity said that they were having trouble getting in touch with the F.B.I., even though lying to the Senate is a federal crime and thus within the Bureau’s jurisdiction.
“I called my local F.B.I. office and was told to call the Bureau’s toll-free tip line,” Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Toledo, Ohio, said. “I did that, but the mailbox for Kavanaugh tips was full.”
Carol Foyler, a Mobile, Alabama, resident who said that she, too, witnessed Kavanaugh lie under oath, expressed frustration at the artificial deadline of the F.B.I.’s probe. “One week is not nearly enough time to interview twenty million people,” she said.
In Washington, Senator Lindsey Graham furiously rejected the witnesses’ version of events, arguing, “This is a classic case of he-said/twenty million said.”
“If lying in the United States Senate is a crime, none of us is safe,” Graham added.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
You call that an investigation ?
Brand new offering from Andy Borowitz 
Seriously, what a sham of an investigation. They didn't even interview Dr. Ford, or another accuser.
They never interviewed Kavanaugh's college roommate.
It seems 5 days was not nearly enough of an investigation, not that I guessed it would be.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz
10:28 A.M.
Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, criminals across the United States are demanding that their cases receive the kind of F.B.I. investigation that Brett Kavanaugh just got.
From coast to coast, perpetrators of crimes ranging from arson to bank robbery are arguing that, if the F.B.I. investigates them at all, such investigations should be extremely limited in scope.
Harland Dorrinson, a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, said that his clients have followed the Kavanaugh probe “with great interest” and see it as “tailor-made” for the crimes for which they stand accused.
“My clients are asking that the F.B.I. investigate them for no more than five days and only talk to the witnesses I designate,” Dorrinson said. “We think this could be a huge time saver for everybody.”
One of his clients, Denton Faldo, currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.
“It’s important that the F.B.I. wrap up this investigation by Friday and release me from jail in time for the weekend,” Faldo said. “A man’s life is in tatters.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz
10:28 A.M.
Nation’s Criminals Ask for F.B.I. Investigation Kavanaugh Just Got
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest controversy to envelop the Supreme Court nominee, criminals across the United States are demanding that their cases receive the kind of F.B.I. investigation that Brett Kavanaugh just got.
From coast to coast, perpetrators of crimes ranging from arson to bank robbery are arguing that, if the F.B.I. investigates them at all, such investigations should be extremely limited in scope.
Harland Dorrinson, a criminal lawyer in Cleveland, said that his clients have followed the Kavanaugh probe “with great interest” and see it as “tailor-made” for the crimes for which they stand accused.
“My clients are asking that the F.B.I. investigate them for no more than five days and only talk to the witnesses I designate,” Dorrinson said. “We think this could be a huge time saver for everybody.”
One of his clients, Denton Faldo, currently faces twenty criminal counts of cooking and selling meth, but wants the F.B.I. to investigate only an unrelated speeding violation.
“It’s important that the F.B.I. wrap up this investigation by Friday and release me from jail in time for the weekend,” Faldo said. “A man’s life is in tatters.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Seriously, what a sham of an investigation. They didn't even interview Dr. Ford, or another accuser.
They never interviewed Kavanaugh's college roommate.
It seems 5 days was not nearly enough of an investigation, not that I guessed it would be.
Trump's "Executive Time" lol
Some of you are probably aware that the schedule of Donald Trump, acting as president, has recently been leaked, and no, I am not referring to the Russian hookers. 
If you aren't up to speed yet, you can go to this link from Business Insider
and learn about the article, if you like. It was leaked from inside the Whitehouse,
that when he is actually in the Whitehouse, about 60% of Trump's time is unstructured and he spends most of that time, watching TV & Tweeting.
Either way, in Andy's usual timely manner, he wrote a column in The New Yorker today in response to that recent report. I included below for your enjoyment.
Trump is officially the worst president in US history.
But, can you imagine how bad he would be, if he only applied himself ?
If you aren't up to speed yet, you can go to this link from Business Insider
and learn about the article, if you like. It was leaked from inside the Whitehouse,
that when he is actually in the Whitehouse, about 60% of Trump's time is unstructured and he spends most of that time, watching TV & Tweeting.
Either way, in Andy's usual timely manner, he wrote a column in The New Yorker today in response to that recent report.
I included below for your enjoyment. In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Relieved to Learn That Trump Spends Sixty Per Cent of Time Not Using Powers as President
By Andy Borowitz
12:07 P.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A leak of Donald J. Trump’s official White House schedule has left millions of Americans deeply relieved that Trump spends approximately sixty per cent of each day not using his powers as President.
In conversations across the country, Americans called the revelation that Trump devotes the majority of his day to “executive time,” a euphemism for watching TV and checking Twitter, the most reassuring news out of the White House in months.
“Like most of the people I know, the idea of Donald Trump sitting behind his desk doing things that affect the country has me in a state of mortal terror,” Carol Foyler, a resident of Minneapolis, said. “Just knowing that he’s spending sixty per cent of his time doing basically nothing makes me feel somewhat better.”
Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Detroit, agreed that it was “great news that Trump is only President forty per cent of the time” but called on the entertainment industry to create more diverting programming that might distract Trump for a larger portion of his day. “It would be fantastic if we could push the sixty per cent of his day that he does nothing up to seventy or even eighty per cent,” he said. “Maybe someone could come up with a podcast that he could get into.”
But Tracy Klugian, a Baltimore resident, said that the leak of Trump’s schedule did little to allay her darkest fears. “Until I find out that he’s spending a hundred per cent of his time not being President, I won’t sleep at night,” she said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Relieved to Learn That Trump Spends Sixty Per Cent of Time Not Using Powers as President
By Andy Borowitz
12:07 P.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A leak of Donald J. Trump’s official White House schedule has left millions of Americans deeply relieved that Trump spends approximately sixty per cent of each day not using his powers as President.
In conversations across the country, Americans called the revelation that Trump devotes the majority of his day to “executive time,” a euphemism for watching TV and checking Twitter, the most reassuring news out of the White House in months.
“Like most of the people I know, the idea of Donald Trump sitting behind his desk doing things that affect the country has me in a state of mortal terror,” Carol Foyler, a resident of Minneapolis, said. “Just knowing that he’s spending sixty per cent of his time doing basically nothing makes me feel somewhat better.”
Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Detroit, agreed that it was “great news that Trump is only President forty per cent of the time” but called on the entertainment industry to create more diverting programming that might distract Trump for a larger portion of his day. “It would be fantastic if we could push the sixty per cent of his day that he does nothing up to seventy or even eighty per cent,” he said. “Maybe someone could come up with a podcast that he could get into.”
But Tracy Klugian, a Baltimore resident, said that the leak of Trump’s schedule did little to allay her darkest fears. “Until I find out that he’s spending a hundred per cent of his time not being President, I won’t sleep at night,” she said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Trump is officially the worst president in US history.
But, can you imagine how bad he would be, if he only applied himself ?
Life
When death comes and knocks on our door, none of us have the option to say, " not today, please come back later. "
So, if you have that option , what excuse you have to tell death?
"Damn it, not now. I haven't....
So, if you have that option , what excuse you have to tell death?
"Damn it, not now. I haven't....
He who casts the first Congresswoman
Today in The New Yorker;
I do recall stories about people getting stoned to death and dying on crosses.
Perhaps there is a parable about kids being kept in separate cages from their parents too.
Maybe something about grabbing women by the
I do remember one story (not the bible) of a "merry band" stealing from the rich to give to the poor. Perhaps the bible has the reverse situation in it for Trump to attempt to validate his big tax cuts for the rich.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Orders Pence to Find Passage in Bible Where Jesus Tells People to Get the Hell Out
By Andy Borowitz
10:59 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to bolster the core message of his 2020 campaign, Donald J. Trump ordered Mike Pence to locate a passage in the Bible where Jesus tells people “to get the hell out of here,” White House sources confirmed on Monday.
According to the sources, Trump summoned Pence to the Oval Office and commanded him to find “somewhere in the Bible” where Jesus “tells people that they don’t belong here and they should beat it.”
Pence, who seemed startled by the request, asked Trump if he meant the time when Jesus expelled money changers from the Temple, but Trump shook his head angrily. “No, not that. I don’t want to piss off Deutsche Bank,” he said. “I want something where Jesus tells the poor and the meek or whatever to go back to the shithole places they came from.”
After a shaken Pence said that he would “see what I can find,” Trump reportedly demanded that the Vice-President also locate a passage where Jesus calls journalists “the lowest form of life.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Orders Pence to Find Passage in Bible Where Jesus Tells People to Get the Hell Out
By Andy Borowitz
10:59 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to bolster the core message of his 2020 campaign, Donald J. Trump ordered Mike Pence to locate a passage in the Bible where Jesus tells people “to get the hell out of here,” White House sources confirmed on Monday.
According to the sources, Trump summoned Pence to the Oval Office and commanded him to find “somewhere in the Bible” where Jesus “tells people that they don’t belong here and they should beat it.”
Pence, who seemed startled by the request, asked Trump if he meant the time when Jesus expelled money changers from the Temple, but Trump shook his head angrily. “No, not that. I don’t want to piss off Deutsche Bank,” he said. “I want something where Jesus tells the poor and the meek or whatever to go back to the shithole places they came from.”
After a shaken Pence said that he would “see what I can find,” Trump reportedly demanded that the Vice-President also locate a passage where Jesus calls journalists “the lowest form of life.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
I do recall stories about people getting stoned to death and dying on crosses.
Perhaps there is a parable about kids being kept in separate cages from their parents too.
Maybe something about grabbing women by the
I do remember one story (not the bible) of a "merry band" stealing from the rich to give to the poor. Perhaps the bible has the reverse situation in it for Trump to attempt to validate his big tax cuts for the rich.
OK. I hear you. Friday's impeachment inquiry was not exciting enough for you
Yes, the crimes of (so called) President Trump are not "exciting" enough for you.
While perhaps treasonous and impeachable, they lack the titillation of an affair with a pornstar,
or the claim of being able to shoot people on 5th Avenue.
I get it. Legal battles are not like the (so called) 'reality' TV that a lot of you are emotionally addicted to.
To help you last night SNL aired "As the Impeachment Turns".
While perhaps treasonous and impeachable, they lack the titillation of an affair with a pornstar,
or the claim of being able to shoot people on 5th Avenue.
I get it. Legal battles are not like the (so called) 'reality' TV that a lot of you are emotionally addicted to.
To help you last night SNL aired "As the Impeachment Turns".
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