Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Laugh 'O The Day...
A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbor drawled.
"No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor.
"No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"
BONUS:
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
"No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor.
"No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"
BONUS:
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Can you imagine, if they EVER heard the truth at a Trump Rally ?
From The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
P.A. System at Trump Rally Accidentally Blasts Woodward Tapes
By Andy Borowitz
September 13, 2020
MINDEN, NEVADA (The Borowitz Report)—Questions arose after the P.A. system at a Trump rally in Nevada accidentally blasted excerpts from Bob Woodward’s interviews with the President.
As supporters streamed into the rally, the customary sounds of such classic rock songs as “Fortunate Son” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” were supplanted by audio of Trump acknowledging that the coronavirus was far deadlier than a flu.
After Trump was heard revealing the details of a previously secret weapons program, campaign aides frantically disconnected the P.A. system and started scrambling for an explanation.
“We have no idea how this happened,” one aide said. “Jared was in charge of the playlist.”
Unlike artists like John Fogerty and the Rolling Stones, Woodward said that he wholeheartedly endorsed the Trump campaign’s use of his recordings at its rallies.
“If the people at these rallies watch Fox News, this might be the only way they hear these tapes,” Woodward said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
P.A. System at Trump Rally Accidentally Blasts Woodward Tapes
By Andy Borowitz
September 13, 2020
MINDEN, NEVADA (The Borowitz Report)—Questions arose after the P.A. system at a Trump rally in Nevada accidentally blasted excerpts from Bob Woodward’s interviews with the President.
As supporters streamed into the rally, the customary sounds of such classic rock songs as “Fortunate Son” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” were supplanted by audio of Trump acknowledging that the coronavirus was far deadlier than a flu.
After Trump was heard revealing the details of a previously secret weapons program, campaign aides frantically disconnected the P.A. system and started scrambling for an explanation.
“We have no idea how this happened,” one aide said. “Jared was in charge of the playlist.”
Unlike artists like John Fogerty and the Rolling Stones, Woodward said that he wholeheartedly endorsed the Trump campaign’s use of his recordings at its rallies.
“If the people at these rallies watch Fox News, this might be the only way they hear these tapes,” Woodward said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
How To Survive The Apocalypse ?
Things don't look good from my part of the world here, neither the rest of the world!
8,597,407 current Covid-19 cases and soaring, pope endorsing same sex unions, messy US elections, wars, occupations, hurricanes, floods, fires, terrorisms, many psychos going nuts all over the world and many many more shites going on, the entire world is so f*cked up.
I've watched TWD up to Season 7, Outbreak, Virus and other end of the world movies , more than enough to educate me on how to be prepared for the apocalypse.
They say get out of the city as soon as you can, with collapsed economy and useless government, supermarkets and food suppliers will be looted, find a quiet place near some water source and with fertile lands so you can plant and become self reliant. I'm surrounded by desserts here, f*ck!!! closest source of water to me is the Dead Sea, too salty for the fish to survive so I guess, I won't be going anywhere else.
First sensible thing to do is hoard bottled waters and foods, canned, dehydrated foods , pulses , medicines, yes some Xanax would be handy, disinfectant, sterile wipes and lots of tissues ??? Good thing, I've started collecting some this.
A couple of days ago, I found myself submerging some carrots in the water, hoping to see some roots in the next few days or so. I'm planning to plant them in a big pot so I will at least have my own source of carrots when the supply finally runs out. I'm thinking maybe I can plant some potatoes in the big pots too ? I'm getting some herbs this weekend and some bok choy cabbage & tomatoes would be nice. I have a little place here with good access to sunlight so I think it's time to use it wisely.
I have yet to prepare a bug out bag. I was checking online on what essentials should be in my bug out bag and below are what they listed :
Water, Water treatment method: Such as a filter,water purification tabs, etc.
Tent or tarp or sleeping bag, survival food such as protein bars or MREs, some canned foods
matches stored in a water proof container, first aid kit
Self-defense weapon, have no firearms but I have pepperspray and some kitchen knives so I will be armed to the teeth. Hygiene kit, change of clothes, rain jacket, boots, paracord and ropes, heavy duty gloves, face mask, Emergency light, flashlight, chemical lights…
Cash: At least $50 is recommended
Compass and maps , I have a messed up sense of direction so I don't think this would help me.
Survival stove and cook set, folding shovel, trash bags, spare batteries, duck tape
Charging kit, best would be the portable solar power bank. and some cards for entertainment
Just thinking of those listed items, I can already feel the heavy weight of my bug out bag
well another survivalist recommended condoms, lots of it, featherweight, ultracompact and durable, condoms (nonlubricated, please) can be used as a makeshift canteen to store water, a fire starter or as elastic bands for an improvised slingshot to hunt small game
Better to be prepared than sorry
Any other suggestions ?
8,597,407 current Covid-19 cases and soaring, pope endorsing same sex unions, messy US elections, wars, occupations, hurricanes, floods, fires, terrorisms, many psychos going nuts all over the world and many many more shites going on, the entire world is so f*cked up.
I've watched TWD up to Season 7, Outbreak, Virus and other end of the world movies , more than enough to educate me on how to be prepared for the apocalypse.
They say get out of the city as soon as you can, with collapsed economy and useless government, supermarkets and food suppliers will be looted, find a quiet place near some water source and with fertile lands so you can plant and become self reliant. I'm surrounded by desserts here, f*ck!!! closest source of water to me is the Dead Sea, too salty for the fish to survive so I guess, I won't be going anywhere else.
First sensible thing to do is hoard bottled waters and foods, canned, dehydrated foods , pulses , medicines, yes some Xanax would be handy, disinfectant, sterile wipes and lots of tissues ??? Good thing, I've started collecting some this.
A couple of days ago, I found myself submerging some carrots in the water, hoping to see some roots in the next few days or so. I'm planning to plant them in a big pot so I will at least have my own source of carrots when the supply finally runs out. I'm thinking maybe I can plant some potatoes in the big pots too ? I'm getting some herbs this weekend and some bok choy cabbage & tomatoes would be nice. I have a little place here with good access to sunlight so I think it's time to use it wisely.
I have yet to prepare a bug out bag. I was checking online on what essentials should be in my bug out bag and below are what they listed :
Water, Water treatment method: Such as a filter,water purification tabs, etc.
Tent or tarp or sleeping bag, survival food such as protein bars or MREs, some canned foods
matches stored in a water proof container, first aid kit
Self-defense weapon, have no firearms but I have pepperspray and some kitchen knives so I will be armed to the teeth. Hygiene kit, change of clothes, rain jacket, boots, paracord and ropes, heavy duty gloves, face mask, Emergency light, flashlight, chemical lights…
Cash: At least $50 is recommended
Compass and maps , I have a messed up sense of direction so I don't think this would help me.
Survival stove and cook set, folding shovel, trash bags, spare batteries, duck tape
Charging kit, best would be the portable solar power bank. and some cards for entertainment
Just thinking of those listed items, I can already feel the heavy weight of my bug out bag
well another survivalist recommended condoms, lots of it, featherweight, ultracompact and durable, condoms (nonlubricated, please) can be used as a makeshift canteen to store water, a fire starter or as elastic bands for an improvised slingshot to hunt small game
Better to be prepared than sorry
Any other suggestions ?
Newest Trump book on the horizon ?
Today in The New Yorker;
I wonder if the "stable genius" will also allow Rosie O'Donnell to interview him for her new book, 'Azzhole in the White House'.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Agrees to Be Interviewed for New Book by Joe Biden
By Andy Borowitz
September 11, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a decision that surprised many political insiders, Donald J. Trump has agreed to be interviewed for a new book by Joe Biden.
According to Biden, the book will be “an in-depth examination of the Trump Presidency, with special emphasis on his handling of the coronavirus pandemic and his comments about the military.”
Trump said that, when Biden approached him about the book project, “I moved on it very strongly.”
“This is a fantastic opportunity for me, quite frankly,” Trump said. “It’s going to be a major book, and I think Joe is going to make me look really good in it.”
Asked about the logistics of the interview, Trump said, “Joe told me to call him up late at night and just start rambling. This is the kind of thing I’m really, really good at, because I’m very smart.”
Biden’s book, titled “Don’t Vote for Donald Trump,” is set to go on sale a week before the election.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Agrees to Be Interviewed for New Book by Joe Biden
By Andy Borowitz
September 11, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a decision that surprised many political insiders, Donald J. Trump has agreed to be interviewed for a new book by Joe Biden.
According to Biden, the book will be “an in-depth examination of the Trump Presidency, with special emphasis on his handling of the coronavirus pandemic and his comments about the military.”
Trump said that, when Biden approached him about the book project, “I moved on it very strongly.”
“This is a fantastic opportunity for me, quite frankly,” Trump said. “It’s going to be a major book, and I think Joe is going to make me look really good in it.”
Asked about the logistics of the interview, Trump said, “Joe told me to call him up late at night and just start rambling. This is the kind of thing I’m really, really good at, because I’m very smart.”
Biden’s book, titled “Don’t Vote for Donald Trump,” is set to go on sale a week before the election.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
I wonder if the "stable genius" will also allow Rosie O'Donnell to interview him for her new book, 'Azzhole in the White House'.
How to get around an election.
As usual, quick as a bunny, Andy Borowitz pens a comedic satire today,
based on Trump's recent suggestion to delay the election.
Andy just works out the logistics.
Today in The New Yorker;
Certainly, there's a lot less to be thankful for since Trump took office.
However, I'm in no rush to have winter arrive sooner
and I definitely don't want to miss out on the impending election.
I could do without the pumpkin pie though. It's never been a favorite of mine.
based on Trump's recent suggestion to delay the election.
Andy just works out the logistics.
Today in The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November
By Andy Borowitz
July 31, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.
While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that “the Constitution doesn’t say anything about how many months you have to have.”
“All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn’t think of,” he said. “I got them on the months.”
Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was “long overdue,” calling it “a rigged month.”
“November is a hoax,” he said. “Some people say it may not even be a real month.”
Responding to a reporter’s question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that “nobody will miss it.”
“Just ask anyone in this country,” he said. “Nobody has anything to be thankful for.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November
By Andy Borowitz
July 31, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald Trump stirred controversy on Friday by signing an executive order that would ban the month of November.
While legal scholars protested that he did not have the right to reduce the number of months in a year from twelve to eleven, Trump argued that “the Constitution doesn’t say anything about how many months you have to have.”
“All of those smart guys like Jefferson and Madison, those beauties, this is something they didn’t think of,” he said. “I got them on the months.”
Trump said that eliminating November from the calendar was “long overdue,” calling it “a rigged month.”
“November is a hoax,” he said. “Some people say it may not even be a real month.”
Responding to a reporter’s question about the future of Thanksgiving, Trump said that “nobody will miss it.”
“Just ask anyone in this country,” he said. “Nobody has anything to be thankful for.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Certainly, there's a lot less to be thankful for since Trump took office.
However, I'm in no rush to have winter arrive sooner
and I definitely don't want to miss out on the impending election.
I could do without the pumpkin pie though. It's never been a favorite of mine.
The sky is falling... The sky is falling...
On Monday, April 8th, there will be a narrow path total eclipse that will skirt diagonally from part of Mexico, across America into Canada. The longest duration of this eclipse is about FOUR MINUTES and TWENTY EIGHT SECONDS, so if you are planning to travel across the country to be in the path to view this event, my best guess is you should already have arrived at a hotel, unpacked your viewing glasses and having dinner.
Tomorrow could be a hectic day as Arkansas Governor, Sarah Huckabee has declared a state of emergency ahead of the eclipse. She's released $100,000 from the Response and Recovery Fund to help commercial carriers transport essentials to customers in the state during the eclipse.
The state emergency will remain in effect until April 10.
Many of the comments that I've read think that Huckabee over reacted, maybe referencing the Chicken Little / Henny Penny fable where the sky is falling.
Sara, it's just like night-time but, only 4 minutes in duration. Call off the National Guard, there's no need for the villagers to huddle in caves like they did a thousand years ago!
Some links:
Tomorrow could be a hectic day as Arkansas Governor, Sarah Huckabee has declared a state of emergency ahead of the eclipse. She's released $100,000 from the Response and Recovery Fund to help commercial carriers transport essentials to customers in the state during the eclipse.
The state emergency will remain in effect until April 10.
Many of the comments that I've read think that Huckabee over reacted, maybe referencing the Chicken Little / Henny Penny fable where the sky is falling.
Sara, it's just like night-time but, only 4 minutes in duration. Call off the National Guard, there's no need for the villagers to huddle in caves like they did a thousand years ago!
Some links:
online today!
Don't know which of these 2 is the biggest drama queen
Donald Trump suggests he might deport Prince Harry if he wins US election
The former President says he will take "appropriate action" if the Duke is found to have lied about taking drugs on his US immigration forms.
The former President says he will take "appropriate action" if the Duke is found to have lied about taking drugs on his US immigration forms.
Donald Trump has suggested he could deport the Duke of Sussex from the United States over claims he lied on his visa application about taking drugs.
In an interview with Nigel Farage, the former President said he would take “appropriate action” if he were to win November’s presidential election and Prince Harry was found to have lied on his immigration forms.
The former President says he will take "appropriate action" if the Duke is found to have lied about taking drugs on his US immigration forms.
The former President says he will take "appropriate action" if the Duke is found to have lied about taking drugs on his US immigration forms.
Donald Trump has suggested he could deport the Duke of Sussex from the United States over claims he lied on his visa application about taking drugs.
In an interview with Nigel Farage, the former President said he would take “appropriate action” if he were to win November’s presidential election and Prince Harry was found to have lied on his immigration forms.
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
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