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One day, the police raided a whole group of pro*stitutes at a se*x party in a hotel and Lulu was among them:
The police took them outside and had all the pro*stitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu"s grandma came by and saw her grandaughter.
Grandma asked. "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that"s awfully nice of them. I think I"ll get some for myself." And she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the pro*stitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed. "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma Replied. "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry!"..............
And ....
Then the officer fainted!

Royal Marines make mockery of US troops just DAYS into training exercise.

Where's Bohemund when you need him

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start
talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says
to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll
just be one night of fun."
The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom.
She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating
room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have
intercourse for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did
you know.." The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."
"Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anaesthesiologist aren't you"
"Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know"
"Because I didn't feel a thing."............

His ego just went south....

Today in The New Yorker;

Today in The New Yorker;

Judge Aileen Mercedes Cannon was selected to hear the case of Trump v. United States in August 2022. Since then, she's been in the news almost on a daily basis. With so much coverage, I'm surprised there is only ONE photo the news media uses of this woman. One.

I say, "What's up with that?"



Seriously, aren't there any selfies with her and Donald at a Mar-a-Lago dinner party after he appointed her to the position?

When invited to a party or holiday celebration you should have a snack at least one hour before the arrival time. Many times parties start later than expected and you will be famished and hungry enough to consume enough food for 3 people. Being a little hungry is the best setting so you can control your intake, especially if you hibernate after eating a huge meal on an empty stomach!

Dress appropriately. Formal means formal. Jeans aren't formal. Many settings are casual. Inside parties are different. Wear something nice. unless it's poolside, leave the cutoffs and flip-flops at home. Don't go to a dinner in the same clothes you did gardening in.

Don't talk politics... unless you want to start a feud and have the cops come to break it up!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The language is such that often it implies we did stuff that we actually had little or nothing to do with..
Such as....

I grew my hair long. No you didn't, you just didn't cut it.

I hurt my arm. What, did you like take a hammer to it?

I grew my fingernails. Did you? Really?

I fell asleep. Did you take a class to learn how to do that?

I went to the bathroom. Partially correct. Only partially.

I didn't digest lunch so well. Probably was sleeping through that class too.



feel free to add your own......

What is standing in a puddle of water with red legs?
Due to a maximum of 4000 letters it comes in parts.
Part one.
It was one of these days, you wake up and don´t really know if you are going through with it.
Pure group pressure makes you slowly, very slowly crawl out of the bed and attack the alarm clock.
Why oh why did I promise to go on this trip!
After a breakfast consisting of some orange juice and a Danish left over from yesterday the packing started.
15 minutes later all ready to go standing in the rain 4 am an early April morning
45 wet minutes later my friends show up. “where the hell have you been” I shouted.
“Oh well, it was this old man with a hat who was in front of us” said Jimmy, the instigator of this trip.
Peter the third member of the ragged group had his head entangled in the seatbelt sleeping deeply.
Probably because of the slow motion.
After tossing my stuff in the already full trunk we got on our merry way.
Now when the hat man was out of the way we manage to pick up time and a lot of bugs and one poor bird.
8 hours and a few piss stops later we where in the country of my breakfast.
Back then you had to take a ferry and also go through customs.
This always created debate with customs officers if it was illegal to bring in several thousands of fly babies.
The look on people’s faces when they searched our stuff and found the maggots was always hilarious.
With a reprimand consisting of “Never do this again” of we went in search of the endangered species that we had travelled so far to find.
After some island jumping finally we reached our first target.
Standing at the shore we gazed upon the small island out in the bay about 200 meters offshore, realising that a boat would have been good to bring along.
Lucky enough we had a chart and it stated that the depth was not great.
So burdened down, we stumbled our way across the shallows, tripping now and then on the algae covered stones.
What 20 minutes of icy water does to you lower extremities any one can figure out.
“Now what” I said. “We have to go to the other side of the island, that´s where the ponds are” said Jimmy.
“You go first” he said looking kind of mysterious.
Not thinking much about it I was happily strutting away picking up body heat and having my face buried in the map.
A short distance in to the pretty dense woods I hear a very heavy sigh to my right.
I don´t know who was most surprised me or the Buffalo.
Staring at each other from 2 meters away for what felt like an eternity.
I managed not to bow my head in respect and slowly retreated.
My friends for some reason had abandoned their stuff and was trying to break the land speed record getting back to the shore.
After catching up I put on my fearsome face and asked Jimmy what was going on.
He had failed to inform us upon the fact that this island was a game reserve and they had brought a heard of Buffalos in the late 1800s to this island.
Causing it to be sparsely visited.