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It Depends On How Much It Weighs!
So, you’re planning to throw your things together. You are in love with one another, you share the same values, you have a lot of other things in common, and all important issues like finances, accommodation, baggage, etc are also sorted out.
Every thing seems to be honky dory. But is it enough?
The questions to ask yourself are: If the two of you were not in love, could you have been best friends? And: Would you have been able to remain best friends for the rest of your life? If the answer to any of these two questions is ‘no’ then don’t do it. It may seem trivial questions, but there is something that keeps best friends together; something that is almost always overlooked by lovers.
It is all good and well to have a lot of small things in common, but what about the things you don’t have in common? Is there going to be any issues around that? Those are the things that will cause the problems. You may love sailing while your partner gets seasick if you just talk about the sea, and your partner may love dancing while you hate it, knowing that you are a disaster on legs.
Right, you may both decide to sacrifice your favorite activity to solve the problem.
Wait!
That is where the problems begin! Such sacrifices are never made by friends. They simply don’t become best friends because they do not have enough in common. Such compromises may work in the short term but after a while one or both parties will yearn back and will feel deprived and that is where the rot will start.
Similar interests may not be enough. The overlap in interests must be in the right areas. A thousand less important common interests can be offset by one single important thing not in common. It all depends on how much it weighs.
Happy women's day to all of you ladies. And guys, you enjoy it too!
Every thing seems to be honky dory. But is it enough?
The questions to ask yourself are: If the two of you were not in love, could you have been best friends? And: Would you have been able to remain best friends for the rest of your life? If the answer to any of these two questions is ‘no’ then don’t do it. It may seem trivial questions, but there is something that keeps best friends together; something that is almost always overlooked by lovers.
It is all good and well to have a lot of small things in common, but what about the things you don’t have in common? Is there going to be any issues around that? Those are the things that will cause the problems. You may love sailing while your partner gets seasick if you just talk about the sea, and your partner may love dancing while you hate it, knowing that you are a disaster on legs.
Right, you may both decide to sacrifice your favorite activity to solve the problem.
Wait!
That is where the problems begin! Such sacrifices are never made by friends. They simply don’t become best friends because they do not have enough in common. Such compromises may work in the short term but after a while one or both parties will yearn back and will feel deprived and that is where the rot will start. Similar interests may not be enough. The overlap in interests must be in the right areas. A thousand less important common interests can be offset by one single important thing not in common. It all depends on how much it weighs.
Happy women's day to all of you ladies. And guys, you enjoy it too!
Another penny in the jar (a research question)
The theory - if you put a penny in a jar every time you make love in the first year of your marriage, and after the first year you take a penny out every time, you will never empty the jar.
I looked it up to see if I could find out more of the history, one comment, ‘took four years but we finally got the 6th penny out of the jar’
most people were smug about how quickly their jars had emptied.
So, research question / opinion please. My characters started a blazing affair 2 years ago. They don’t live together, are neighbours, spend most nights together, and things are good between them. He hadn’t previously been in a relationship, had spent years hooking up once or twice a week - a pretty active libido. She’d had a long-term placid marriage. They got together in book 5 and this is book 10 (last in series) and the regular older beta readers, who have enjoyed this middle-aged romance, want an indication of how good things are between them, how often they are
taking pennies out the jar?
I usually stick to writing what I know but my recent relationships have been LDRs and when you don’t see each other often, time spent together is marked by the urgent clinking of pennies
The question - how often is often in a good relationship after two years? Opinion or experience
I may also do a forum question with anonymous boxes to tick.
I never get many responses on my research questions but always get something useful, hopefully this time too
I looked it up to see if I could find out more of the history, one comment, ‘took four years but we finally got the 6th penny out of the jar’
most people were smug about how quickly their jars had emptied. So, research question / opinion please. My characters started a blazing affair 2 years ago. They don’t live together, are neighbours, spend most nights together, and things are good between them. He hadn’t previously been in a relationship, had spent years hooking up once or twice a week - a pretty active libido. She’d had a long-term placid marriage. They got together in book 5 and this is book 10 (last in series) and the regular older beta readers, who have enjoyed this middle-aged romance, want an indication of how good things are between them, how often they are
taking pennies out the jar? I usually stick to writing what I know but my recent relationships have been LDRs and when you don’t see each other often, time spent together is marked by the urgent clinking of pennies
The question - how often is often in a good relationship after two years? Opinion or experience
I may also do a forum question with anonymous boxes to tick. I never get many responses on my research questions but always get something useful, hopefully this time too
Online losers and duds
So I be talking with this lady who has been trying the internet dating thing. Yes, sure she gets the usual duds who live in their parents basement and need their parent's permission to borrow the car.
She also got the muscular guy who texted he wanted to go out with her, and she told him about a club near by her she wished to go to that night only to have Mr. Muscles tell her he couldn't date her that night because it was a gym night.
Then there was the Egyptian working in Washington, DC (doing God knows what) who promised her $100 if she would come by his home and cook a meal for him with promises of romantic candlelight dining. She explained to him a date is about the man taking the woman out, not visiting the man at home. His texted reply was she wasn't that attractive anyway. <A provable lie> Two weeks later out of the blue the Egyptian texted again to tell her he would give her a second chance to if she would come to his house. She ignored the text only to get another a few days later calling her a c*nt and a worthless bi*ch.
A coworker told her about a single US Park Police man she knew and gave a Facebook page. My friend messaged the man and got many useless texts in return. Hi. How are you? What are you doing this weekend? Etc. A useless text every day. Finally after 2 weeks of that my lady friend asked him, are you going to ask me out or what? This was answered with, what are you doing this weekend. She told him she was gong to a club in West Virginia with girl coworkers, but she gave him the address/date and suggested he meet her there. So masculine and handsome he looks in his online Facebook photos. He agreed. At the date and time however he was no show. An hour after she left the club with her coworkers he texted he was still in Baltimore with friends, but maybe another time. Three days later on a 45 (F) degree day he suggested she come hike in West Virginia with him as a first date. When she turned down hiking in the cold as a first date, for the next week he texted, Hi, how are you? What are you doing today? <Working and alive of course.>
By then, online, she had found an ex-marine and ex-army Ranger with 3 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, who was now civilian and working contract for one of the alphabet agencies. He also scuba dived, had climbed mountains in the Himalayas, and looked (her words) like Adonis. She asked me to vet him, I did, he was real. He asks her out for dinner.. He arrives and tells her he is broke. She is psyched for the date and doesn't care and pays for the dinner. And also the cover charge and other charges at the club next door where they drink and dance. She has him take her home and invites him in. They make out on her couch and she invites him to spend the night. He instead tells her he has to get up in the morning and leaves. The next day he texts her thanks for the meal, asks her what she is doing and tells her he is going camping with some of his male coworkers. My conclusion, Gay or a virgin.
Finally 4 or 5 dud/scammer duds later she connects with a Navy 1st LT who seems really interested and while doing a trip to Pittsburgh suggests they meet for coffee on his return. Cute photos, and again easily vetted by me for her. Totally real. Decent looking too, and single. So they meet at a coffee bar for 3 hours. Hugs on meeting. I saw the selfie, she is hot, hot, hot. Hugs on parting. She expected a kiss on the cheek, but just a long hug. That's okay. A first meeting. I told her he would probably text her in a few hours and ask for a second date. In a few hours he did text. Told her it was lovely and asked what was she doing tomorrow. She said nothing much, expecting and hoping for a time sharing suggestion. Instead he wrote back, i am hanging around my house because Monday will be a work day and I want to rest. I told her don't despair, let him rest, the libido will rise and he will ask you out.
She also got the muscular guy who texted he wanted to go out with her, and she told him about a club near by her she wished to go to that night only to have Mr. Muscles tell her he couldn't date her that night because it was a gym night.
Then there was the Egyptian working in Washington, DC (doing God knows what) who promised her $100 if she would come by his home and cook a meal for him with promises of romantic candlelight dining. She explained to him a date is about the man taking the woman out, not visiting the man at home. His texted reply was she wasn't that attractive anyway. <A provable lie> Two weeks later out of the blue the Egyptian texted again to tell her he would give her a second chance to if she would come to his house. She ignored the text only to get another a few days later calling her a c*nt and a worthless bi*ch.
A coworker told her about a single US Park Police man she knew and gave a Facebook page. My friend messaged the man and got many useless texts in return. Hi. How are you? What are you doing this weekend? Etc. A useless text every day. Finally after 2 weeks of that my lady friend asked him, are you going to ask me out or what? This was answered with, what are you doing this weekend. She told him she was gong to a club in West Virginia with girl coworkers, but she gave him the address/date and suggested he meet her there. So masculine and handsome he looks in his online Facebook photos. He agreed. At the date and time however he was no show. An hour after she left the club with her coworkers he texted he was still in Baltimore with friends, but maybe another time. Three days later on a 45 (F) degree day he suggested she come hike in West Virginia with him as a first date. When she turned down hiking in the cold as a first date, for the next week he texted, Hi, how are you? What are you doing today? <Working and alive of course.>
By then, online, she had found an ex-marine and ex-army Ranger with 3 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, who was now civilian and working contract for one of the alphabet agencies. He also scuba dived, had climbed mountains in the Himalayas, and looked (her words) like Adonis. She asked me to vet him, I did, he was real. He asks her out for dinner.. He arrives and tells her he is broke. She is psyched for the date and doesn't care and pays for the dinner. And also the cover charge and other charges at the club next door where they drink and dance. She has him take her home and invites him in. They make out on her couch and she invites him to spend the night. He instead tells her he has to get up in the morning and leaves. The next day he texts her thanks for the meal, asks her what she is doing and tells her he is going camping with some of his male coworkers. My conclusion, Gay or a virgin.
Finally 4 or 5 dud/scammer duds later she connects with a Navy 1st LT who seems really interested and while doing a trip to Pittsburgh suggests they meet for coffee on his return. Cute photos, and again easily vetted by me for her. Totally real. Decent looking too, and single. So they meet at a coffee bar for 3 hours. Hugs on meeting. I saw the selfie, she is hot, hot, hot. Hugs on parting. She expected a kiss on the cheek, but just a long hug. That's okay. A first meeting. I told her he would probably text her in a few hours and ask for a second date. In a few hours he did text. Told her it was lovely and asked what was she doing tomorrow. She said nothing much, expecting and hoping for a time sharing suggestion. Instead he wrote back, i am hanging around my house because Monday will be a work day and I want to rest. I told her don't despair, let him rest, the libido will rise and he will ask you out.
Can we truly admit to our flaws?
I'm sure that every single one of us has our own flaws that keep us here, or at least keep us coming back. Other than the obvious enjoyment of socialization with our blogging peers, of course. Question is, are you willing to admit to your flaws? How long was your longest relation during this dating period? And when was the last longest relationship? What are our flaws that keep us single? Why things never work the way we want them to? Is the opposite gender always the one to blame in this dating scenario, or can you admit it's something you may be doing wrong. Are you too clingy? Maybe you're just a little hotheaded and sharp with the tongue. Are your standards set too high? Are you afraid of your own emotions when you feel any sort of attachment....do you run? What's keeping you from your happiness or are you truly happy just being alone.....though I personally don't see happiness in that..I had been there several years and it's a very lonely place to be. What keeps you single? 
Me, personally.....I'm emotionally expressive. I will say how I feel, when I feel it. Some just cannot handle that....not to say that it's their fault, because it is, after all, one of my many flaws
.....I'm also very impatient...although I have all the patience in the world with people in general, I hate to wait because it drives me bonkers.lol 
Me, personally.....I'm emotionally expressive. I will say how I feel, when I feel it. Some just cannot handle that....not to say that it's their fault, because it is, after all, one of my many flaws
.....I'm also very impatient...although I have all the patience in the world with people in general, I hate to wait because it drives me bonkers.lol 
First date meal...paying half/going dutch with a woman
I have discussed...this subject before...but it was a while ago
As some women have stated...it's not the 1950s anymore...women have their own income and property...so why do so many women...still want the man to pay for the meal
a novel idea...would be a woman offering to foot the whole bill for the meal..like so many men have done...throughout history..never complaining...just opening their wallets up...paying the bill and leaving a tip too
What i did with my exe...she paid and the nxt time i paid...fair is fair
Feel free to share your views...on this most interesting of subjects...that effects so many of us
As some women have stated...it's not the 1950s anymore...women have their own income and property...so why do so many women...still want the man to pay for the meal
a novel idea...would be a woman offering to foot the whole bill for the meal..like so many men have done...throughout history..never complaining...just opening their wallets up...paying the bill and leaving a tip too
What i did with my exe...she paid and the nxt time i paid...fair is fair
Feel free to share your views...on this most interesting of subjects...that effects so many of us
Psychological warfare!
Now, being on here for around a week, I had lots of traffic in my inbox. It is very long time ago that I participated on a dating site. First: compared to other dating sites, I find many people here on CS, which are nice, kind, genuine and authentic and to get on well with.
What does do surprise me though, is, that some folks are just getting their bully out and seem to have lost all their education and manners.
For me, it is no problem to deal with them, but it is quite amazing how many ridicule and disrespect other members.
I feel sorry for them, because it is a spineless attitude. It does let me think, in certain respects, of the phenomenon of "gaslighting"!
If one is aware and knows the signs of it, then it is much harder for the "gaslighters" to find their prey.
I´m wishing all of you a splendid day!
What does do surprise me though, is, that some folks are just getting their bully out and seem to have lost all their education and manners.
For me, it is no problem to deal with them, but it is quite amazing how many ridicule and disrespect other members.
I feel sorry for them, because it is a spineless attitude. It does let me think, in certain respects, of the phenomenon of "gaslighting"!
If one is aware and knows the signs of it, then it is much harder for the "gaslighters" to find their prey.
I´m wishing all of you a splendid day!
Are men done in a relationship when...
...when they give away their power to the woman?
I think it is time for men to get to the modern level of thinking when it comes to the modern woman. There are plenty of videos online that help us men get educated. Do you remember those days when women were such a mystery to men? Well, today...the mystery is starting to be exposed. That was the beautiful thing for us men with feminism. Feminism encouraged women to be who they wanted to be...instead of suppressing it and confusing us men. Also, feminism is beautiful for women too...now they can be who they want to be. However, us men need to understand what that means for the "modern" man.
Some of the common things I see many...and I mean many...women want in a man.
1. over 6 foot in height
2. physically good looking
3. making over 6 figures for income
4. having a big p*nis
5. having confidence
6. having a nice car & home
7. willing to give the woman whatever she wants
8. having muscles
Statistically, there is data that says that women only go after the top 20% of men...meaning the remaining 80% of men, women have limited to no interest in. That is the truth for modern men. In that list provided, do you know how many men qualify with having all those traits? Let's start out with the 6 foot and taller range...only 15% of men are that tall. Now add those other things that many women want, and you can start to figure out what percent of men exist that women desire.
Years ago, I mentioned something about how feminism would cause a war between the genders. Really, there was no other way for how it to end up. Men were not going to just sit back and get sh*t on. Now after years of collecting information and getting the bigger picture of just how they are being mistreated, they have now entered the "battlefield."
It is a sad thing really. Truly sad. You know why? Because in the end, nobody will win...and it will create a division among us. Just as how many other things in the world are trying to divide us.
I think it is time for men to get to the modern level of thinking when it comes to the modern woman. There are plenty of videos online that help us men get educated. Do you remember those days when women were such a mystery to men? Well, today...the mystery is starting to be exposed. That was the beautiful thing for us men with feminism. Feminism encouraged women to be who they wanted to be...instead of suppressing it and confusing us men. Also, feminism is beautiful for women too...now they can be who they want to be. However, us men need to understand what that means for the "modern" man.
Some of the common things I see many...and I mean many...women want in a man.
1. over 6 foot in height
2. physically good looking
3. making over 6 figures for income
4. having a big p*nis
5. having confidence
6. having a nice car & home
7. willing to give the woman whatever she wants
8. having muscles
Statistically, there is data that says that women only go after the top 20% of men...meaning the remaining 80% of men, women have limited to no interest in. That is the truth for modern men. In that list provided, do you know how many men qualify with having all those traits? Let's start out with the 6 foot and taller range...only 15% of men are that tall. Now add those other things that many women want, and you can start to figure out what percent of men exist that women desire.
Years ago, I mentioned something about how feminism would cause a war between the genders. Really, there was no other way for how it to end up. Men were not going to just sit back and get sh*t on. Now after years of collecting information and getting the bigger picture of just how they are being mistreated, they have now entered the "battlefield."
It is a sad thing really. Truly sad. You know why? Because in the end, nobody will win...and it will create a division among us. Just as how many other things in the world are trying to divide us.
Is this right?
I know relationships can be complicated. They can be complicated to the point where the individuals involved within them have their own unique set of rules they each have become to respect. With that said, I know the answer to certain questions may or may not be as simple as yes or no. There might actually be qualifiers/stipulations that come along with them. Really, it boils down to the individuals within the relationship on what they are willing to accept and not accept.
But....here is the question.
I have personally seen this and have heard it from many friends. I am not saying it is a common event, but I think it might be more common than one might think.
Is it right for a woman in a relationship to threaten her man with various forms of retribution if he decides to go out with his friends....or...even go visit his family. Now the family thing, I think might be a little more rare but the friends issue, I have heard on more than one occasion.
What I do hear a lot now days is....how men will proclaim, "I like my freedom."
Is this a man issue only or do women run into the same issues?
Do women feel the same about having their freedom?
Do you really lose your freedom when you meet the right person...meaning allowing you your boundaries and allowing your individuality?
Is it really fair for your spouse or significant other to throw threats out there...or is it time to move on?
Have we now become a new society when it comes to relationships?
Happy Saturday all.
But....here is the question.
I have personally seen this and have heard it from many friends. I am not saying it is a common event, but I think it might be more common than one might think.
Is it right for a woman in a relationship to threaten her man with various forms of retribution if he decides to go out with his friends....or...even go visit his family. Now the family thing, I think might be a little more rare but the friends issue, I have heard on more than one occasion.
What I do hear a lot now days is....how men will proclaim, "I like my freedom."
Is this a man issue only or do women run into the same issues?
Do women feel the same about having their freedom?
Do you really lose your freedom when you meet the right person...meaning allowing you your boundaries and allowing your individuality?
Is it really fair for your spouse or significant other to throw threats out there...or is it time to move on?
Have we now become a new society when it comes to relationships?
Happy Saturday all.
Please read before you contact me, I like a guy
who actually reads a profile and NOT just ogle pics! Please do not contact me if you LACK MANNERS, examples are: standing me up on a date without cancelling, contacting me wanting to meet then never trying to meet, having long phone conversations or going out on a date where in both cases it seems it's going well and then drop out of sight, without sending me an email saying we are not a match (why would be nice but, sigh, not expected). I do NOT mind if one wanted to start out as friends first so if you do not feel romantically inclined towards me that shouldn't preclude us getting to know each other. I do have good manners thus I answer EVERY email (but then again I am not deluged with them as say, a 20 year old nubile blonde!) Also NO smokers please, I put it there but still some men do not bother to read the facts and are just looking at the pics...
I wanted to write much more about me in my profile but since there is a character limit (and NO, I am not as long winded as this, I actually AM a good listener) I have to post it here so hope it can stay, if you live a long way away and want to just chat, email, etc. please, PLEASE do NOT waste both our times writing, I am not looking for a "fantasy" relationship but a REAL one with someone I can actually go out and DO things with. And especially do NOT write me if you are in another country and waiting to get back to the U.S. (if you ARE in another country sign up in couchsurfing and maybe I'll visit you ;)!
What am I doing with my life
I'm at a crossroads, not rich but financially independent, thinking of traveling worldwide, with nothing tying me down, but I would like to be in a loving relationship so open to ALL possibilities...
What I like to eat
Although I would LIKE to eat a healthier more vegetarian diet with no sugar (so don't mind guys that are), but hey, I'm Chinese and we eat everything with 4 legs except the kitchen table and sigh, unfortunately sweets don't taste like vegetables which would make it MUCH easier to give it up.
Ideal First Date
We can always take that clicheish walk on the beach and if you so desire followed by happy hour (i.e. cheap) drinks and appetizers nearby or if you want a longer or more profound discussion with me, we can go to a restaurant that I have coupons for-my way of going Dutch-LOL- as I don't like coffee dates (I'm a chintzy not a cheap date!)
Or we can skip food and go on a completely gratis date, just the walk, art gallery openings (with free food-my two favorite four letter words beginning with an F that's non vulgar!) an outdoor concert, ethnic festival, or a museum's free day, although I shall NOT turn my nose up at men who like to dine in a five star restaurant and going to the theater afterwards!
Hobbies, etc. we can discuss when we meet, which I hope we do, am NOT looking for a penpal, so guys far away who contact me, I will go out and meet you!
I wanted to write much more about me in my profile but since there is a character limit (and NO, I am not as long winded as this, I actually AM a good listener) I have to post it here so hope it can stay, if you live a long way away and want to just chat, email, etc. please, PLEASE do NOT waste both our times writing, I am not looking for a "fantasy" relationship but a REAL one with someone I can actually go out and DO things with. And especially do NOT write me if you are in another country and waiting to get back to the U.S. (if you ARE in another country sign up in couchsurfing and maybe I'll visit you ;)!
What am I doing with my life
I'm at a crossroads, not rich but financially independent, thinking of traveling worldwide, with nothing tying me down, but I would like to be in a loving relationship so open to ALL possibilities...
What I like to eat
Although I would LIKE to eat a healthier more vegetarian diet with no sugar (so don't mind guys that are), but hey, I'm Chinese and we eat everything with 4 legs except the kitchen table and sigh, unfortunately sweets don't taste like vegetables which would make it MUCH easier to give it up.
Ideal First Date
We can always take that clicheish walk on the beach and if you so desire followed by happy hour (i.e. cheap) drinks and appetizers nearby or if you want a longer or more profound discussion with me, we can go to a restaurant that I have coupons for-my way of going Dutch-LOL- as I don't like coffee dates (I'm a chintzy not a cheap date!)
Or we can skip food and go on a completely gratis date, just the walk, art gallery openings (with free food-my two favorite four letter words beginning with an F that's non vulgar!) an outdoor concert, ethnic festival, or a museum's free day, although I shall NOT turn my nose up at men who like to dine in a five star restaurant and going to the theater afterwards!
Hobbies, etc. we can discuss when we meet, which I hope we do, am NOT looking for a penpal, so guys far away who contact me, I will go out and meet you!
Face to face
Ask anyone for advice in solving a personal problem, dumping a relationship or just ironing out a few gripes and the answer you’ll get is... Talk to them face to face.
ARE YOU f*ckING SERIOUS?????
Not me... I’m chicken!
ARE YOU f*ckING SERIOUS?????
Not me... I’m chicken!
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