The weekend comment was partly in jest to emphasise how difficult it is for many people, after being solo for a long time, to take on a permanent live in partner.
I don´t understand your comment about men having kids...I have kids, adults now, but still my kids, that is not the question or a problem if I were to meet anybody with kids.
I´m talking about how different lives( I mentioned my friends in the opening post) equal different perspectives and needs in life, and how this affects what we want or hope for in the future.
Thanks for the replies folks, but nobody has really responded as I expected.
Firstly, I´m not pondering whether fun or long term is the best alernative. We are all at different points in our lives, thus have different needs. Neither of these lifestyle choices is under debate.
My question was about how we have lived our lives, i.e. married, with kids etc...and how this affects what we ultimately yearn for, or feel is the accepted option in later life when a long-term relationship/marriage breaks down.
My views seem to differ with my RL friends, older and younger who have not had a long marriage or children like me.
Thanks Lillym, glad to know someone else feels the same.
And Rusty, thanks too, but you´re experiencing the ideal at the moment (I sincerely hope it continues) and are on top of the world. If I´d asked this question before you met your lovely lady perhaps your answer would have been different?
I mean those of us who have been in long-term relationships, marriages, whatever. However, young uns please contribute!
Personally, after a long marriage I am enjoying more and more the single life, but I still feel there is somethimg missing. This does not seem to be the case for friends of mine, younger and older, who remain single, but interestingly have never been married, or in a long( I mean LONG) relationship, and who have never had kids.
I have no agenda in so far as providing a father figure for my kids, they have long since flown the nest, and I have never been of that mindset that children need both a father and mother rile model in order to survive, so that brings me closer to these friends of mine without kids.
I really don´t know if it´s down to conditioning, i.e. men and women need a significant other, or because I was with the same man from the age of 16 to 43 years old.
I have more than made up for the lack of experience however since my divorce!
Sometimes I think I want somebody in my life, a monogamous relationship. but only if we can be together for the weekends!
I would love a little loving 8 days a week (been listening to Beatles!) but with recent experience I don´t think I could cope with more than a weekend, what with everything else that accompanies it.
Maybe there are guys who fall into the happy medium, but I´ve never come across one yet and I doubt, being the pessimist I am, I will meet one.
Single is fine for me at the moment, honestly, but I´m not so stupid as not to realise that the longer it remains that way, the less likely it is that I can change things if the need arises.
If you´re talking about online dates, then what has done many times...picture and profile differing widely from the reality!
How can somebody say that they are outgoing and enjoy socialising in a profile, yet when you meet them they look about 10 years older and confess they go to bed at 10.30 every night!
In Spain NOBODY goes to bed at 10.30, that´s dinner time and afterwards out in the street regardless of age.
How can somebody say in a profile they are fit and active, yet when you meet them they have a heart problem and take anti-depressants?
Maybe that´s the answer. None of us really know what we want until it confronts us. Maybe we do lie to ourselves?
I just know that I don´t want what I´ve had, and I´m not sure what I do want exists. Certainly the weekend scenario would not have suited either my ex husband or the Spanish man I was with for 2 years for obvious reasons. My ex husband needed a non-working, maid and cook, which he now has, and the ex boyfriend needed a bird in a gilded cage which he doesn´t have!
I mean those of us who have been in long-term relationships, marriages, whatever. However, young uns please contribute!
Personally, after a long marriage I am enjoying more and more the single life, but I still feel there is somethimg missing. This does not seem to be the case for friends of mine, younger and older, who remain single, but interestingly have never been married, or in a long( I mean LONG) relationship, and who have never had kids.
I have no agenda in so far as providing a father figure for my kids, they have long since flown the nest, and I have never been of that mindset that children need both a father and mother rile model in order to survive, so that brings me closer to these friends of mine without kids.
I really don´t know if it´s down to conditioning, i.e. men and women need a significant other, or because I was with the same man from the age of 16 to 43 years old.
I have more than made up for the lack of experience however since my divorce!
Sometimes I think I want somebody in my life, a monogamous relationship. but only if we can be together for the weekends!
Yes, I take risks by travelling for work all over the world and people often say "how brave you are to go to a foreign country alone". It´s not bravery, I love my work and enjoy experiencing different cultures, and, I soon make friends, it´s easy.
What I intend to do this year, is to transfer that gung ho to my personal life and stop being such a workaholic.
I dislike white wine and drink red wine with whatever food is being served. Mind you, I wouldn´t watch Man U either, so you may not wish to heed anything I´ve said here!
Well of course, I agree with this, we all have surges of emotional instability when we encounter such things. This is positive instability and to be rejoiced, except of course the sad facts of life we all have to meet eventually like bereavement. However, my previous post, when referring to instability, does not mean the same thing at all.
I was talking about the instability which arises from extreme, negative trauma and addictions (alcohol, drugs etc). These things do not have the temporary high associated with the things you mention, but often a severe character change/moods which prevents any long-term, successful interraction with another.
And sorry to say, but there is without doubt a large proportion of membership here in this boat, suffering this type of emotional instability.
I agree to some extent ginger, but I also see that many more members seem to be 40 plus and often are the worst offenders for trying to win the perceived prize.
Well the way I look at it women are like video games. They can be really fun to play, but once you beat it, the games just no fun anymore. So my advise. Become unbeatable. And if you didn't understand that. Make him think that everyday has to be something different to keep your attention. Even though you are happy he finally got
Yes there are many more people here, but not so much diversity in so far as nationalities and culture go. Sometimes I feel like a Martian here, surely you have felt the same at times, being Irish?
And no, not a better class, you are putting words in my mouth and that´s not fair LL.
You´re right though, no huge mystery, and this thread has gone a long way to prove that.
Aaagh! I made an observation and asked for opinions as to why this thread hijacking doesn´t happen to the same degree, not a full scale comparison or criticism.
I´m sure you could say the same thing about the Irish forum.
I wander over to IF when the EU forum is sleepy, I wotk late and as ibiza said, the time difference means that there is always something going on here. However, that has nothing to do with why Turkish started the thread. It´s about the hijacking of threads by cliques and friends. My observation was simply to underline the fact that it doesn´t happen to the same degree.
Jan1305 Forum Posts (5,319)
Only in America!
Fun or Long-Term
The weekend comment was partly in jest to emphasise how difficult it is for many people, after being solo for a long time, to take on a permanent live in partner.I don´t understand your comment about men having kids...I have kids, adults now, but still my kids, that is not the question or a problem if I were to meet anybody with kids.
I´m talking about how different lives( I mentioned my friends in the opening post) equal different perspectives and needs in life, and how this affects what we want or hope for in the future.