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when someone acts badly we assume instantly that's how they really are, and yet when someone acts in a nice way we assume it won't last?

Went out for drinks the other night with a woman I've been getting friendly with at the office - NICE woman. A friendly guy offered to buy us a drink and she changed completely - ow, go on then and hissed to me, when he went obediently to buy said drinks 'make an excuse and leave, okay?'

Okayyy. See ya, wouldnae wanta be ya. Never realized what a tart she was. Huh. Back to her bright funny interesting self the next day, but now I know. Right?

Another colleague, another drinks night, suddenly laughing too loudly at stupid jokes, crude and boorish, what a moron. Now we know what he really is, right?

Then take a guy with a lifelong passion for practical jokes, suddenly being romantic. Oh well, THAT can't be real, am I right?

See, we instantly believe the first two are showing their true colours. Third one, we wait for it to pass, or for the joke to be revealed.

Was that your reaction to the examples as well? Why?

It has been 12 years since we have been apart. We have seen each other from time to time...and me, I always avoided her if I could. Whenever I would see her out, she was with a different guy each time. Honestly, it never bothered me. I was glad to see her out and hopefully happy. However, from what I knew of her...she really took a path of destruction in her life. There was nothing good I have ever heard from others about her. Again, I didn't care...we were not together but these people knew we were together and could never hold back from telling me...she did this...she got involved here and there....all of it was never good.

When she first cheated on me, which ultimately lead to me breaking up with her....initially...I told myself that she would genuinely apologize, that I would consider trying to make things work. At least at that time, I would believe she honestly felt bad about her actions and just maybe, she would consider me in the relationship if we stay together. After we initially separated, days went by and then weeks....yet, no apology. Then that is when I figured, this is indeed the end and prepared my life for a new path.

Last night rolls around, twelve years later. My buddy and I decide to go out to the casino, get a bite to eat and play a quick $20 in the machines. I sit on one machine and my buddy says, I will be over here. I check what direction he walks in so I can find him later and I play my machine. After playing, I get up and go looking for him. When I walk around a cluster of machines, there he is...sitting next to my ex and chatting with her. Initially my reaction is just to turn around...never seen...and just walk away, but I am getting tired and want to round up my buddy. So there is where it all starts. My ex and I end up sitting for an hour chatting. She is drunk and emotionally all over the place....going on about how she is single and hinting at getting a room there. I just change the subject and listen.

At this time, I am dropping subtle hints about it is getting late and I am tired and I need to go. As we are departing, she says...I am sorry for everything. An apology after 12 years. I did give her a hug and then left.

I think that is the first time I heard that word from her mouth...ever.

Now of course she was drunk. But it is said that when people are drunk, their filters come down. Meaning..that they feel freer to express what is really going on in their heads.

Has she seen enough of the single life to realize that grass was not greener?
Was she just feeling lonely at that moment and just wanted company?
Or, was she genuinely sorry and wanted to make amends?
Or, should it be just another "thing"...and once trust is lost...it is lost for ever?

What do you think?

This is when I was younger...much younger.

I didn't realize that men required/need/deeply appreciate (to a psychological level at times) praise from their woman. I am willing to bet that many men did not realize that either.

How could we? Well, I will actually speak from my perspective...how would I? I only dated one woman in my life...it lasted 13 years, but I never dated many women. That is not the way I am wired. I respect a relationship and everything about it. Now of course, there are some men out there that have different wiring than myself; however, I think the topic of this blog is still relevant to you as well.

Okay, back to it then. I didn't realize that men required praise from their woman. It is healthy for a man's self-esteem, his motivation to succeed, to be happy, to be the best possible self he can be. There is nothing wrong with a man being all these things....is there?

The reason why I bring this up is because back in the day, when I was in the middle of that 13 year relationship, I had heard on many occasions from the woman I was dating, she would tell me, "I am not going to give you praise." At the time, I thought to myself, I am not asking for any praise. I am going to continue on with my success and what I am doing in life with our without your praise...needless to say, I was not doing these things for her praise anyway. It was for survival in this tough world.

However...just moments ago I was listening to a pod cast by a certain somebody ...I won't mention his name...and he had a whole show about praise....and how not only women should praise their man, but they should also praise their man in public.

The bottom line...it was an ironic event, and I am thinking there must be something to it...my ex-gf used that exact word back then, and today that blogger used the same word. There must be some importance to it.

P.R.A.I.S.E.

Public display of following traits.
Respect
Accepting
Investing
Sacrificing
Enthusiastically

What do you think men and women....should women praise their man?

....also I would like to ask...

What does it mean if they don't praise you?
or
What does it mean if they do praise you?

If your woman is not "investing" in you, is that a troubling sign for the relationship?

Of course, this topic of praise is about a high value man...a man who is not toxic in anyway....

When contacting someone new, I always seem to have difficulty deciding what to write as my opening gambit, especially if in the persons profile there is nothing specific to refer too.

What kind of pick up text attracts your attention sufficiently for you to reply?

Newest email...first contact

“Baby, I'd be all over you like a Rash.”

Any of you think you can help this poor fellow out with a better opening line?

So - I finally got my salary offer for relocating - let's call it 15% on existing salary. Thanks, I said, but no thanks. Manager instantly said okay, 25% up on existing salary. WTH?

So - my car insurance quote came through the door, £400. 16 years with the same company, 9 years no-claim bonus, that seemed high. Same post, another insurer offering good prices, I got a quote on line. Like-for-like, plus plus, £258. I rang my insurers to say I was cancelling and they instantly reduced the £400 quote to just over £300. WTH?

How far does this haggling thing go? Let's say I'm talking to someone and he suggests meeting for a casual pub lunch. Should I be haggling? Should I counter-offer "tell you what, send a taxi to collect me and by the way you're picking up the tab" just to open the negotiations, see what his counter-offer is?

Life is all about bargaining, we know that, but it seems to have gone into a new era where perhaps we have to haggle about everything. So should we be haggling about meeting up? Maybe you already do?



By the way, the World Health Organisation recently declared that anyone who can't find a partner (mainly for procreation, but I don't think they specified) within a year of starting to look, should be classified as disabled. WTH?

NOW who wants to open negotiations?

In 27 days you can go down on one knee to the man of your choice and beg him to make you the happiest woman in the world.

So who you gonna pick? What's the worst that could happen, they say no.

Shuffle sideways and offer your hand and heart to the next man along.

Bowl him over

Play it cool

Talk so fast he can't say no

Threaten him

Romance him

Or pour it all out in a letter

Who? and how?

Seriously, why describe yourself as humble? Does it have a slang meaning I'm missing (like wicked sick = WOW amazing)

because it is not a sexy word. To me it says hello, may I be your doormat?

Official definition -
1. having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's importance.
"I felt very humble when meeting her"
synonyms: meek, deferential, respectful, submissive, self-effacing, unassertive, unpresuming;
2. of low social, administrative, or political rank.
"she came from a humble, unprivileged background"
synonyms: low-ranking, low, lowly, lower-class, plebeian, proletarian, working-class, undistinguished, poor, mean, ignoble, of low birth, low-born, of low rank;

So when a guy describes himself as humble, whoa, haud me back. NOT.

I'm obviously missing something. If it now means full of fun, rampant libido, and a real guy's kinda guy, I have been blocking a lot of exciting men lately.

My jaw wants to unhook when I listen to what some women have to say about their close encounters of the third kind with men. It crossed my mind that some of these women are just out to make men appear as evil monsters but I’m more than prepared to concede that at least some women may have had some really terrible experiences with men.

But all this makes we wonder with exactly what kind of men you are involved with? In all fairness, if you date an undesired character, you must expect to be treated in kind. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t say he has the right to misbehave because he is what he is but you cannot cultivate weeds and expect to pick peaches from it.

If a friend arranged a blind date and he turns out to be weird, kick your friend’s arse. You have been sold out. Otherwise you must take at least some of the blame – even if just for your inability to spot a bad character for they are not that difficult to recognize. They all carry a lot of baggage and it wells up soon enough in conversation. And if you get into it, knowing that you’re dealing with a dubious character, don’t complain about it afterwards because it was your choice to be with such a man.

I have seen it countless times that a woman who comes out of an abusive relationship, just hook up with another bad egg the next time. They find calm relationships dull. Harsh as this may sound, some women are attracted to ruffians and I think they want to be mistreated. I don’t know if they crave for the excitement or the sympathy but they normally get both.

I have also been had by one or two women but they were few and far between. The majority of women are normal and rational. Just like that there are many good men out there but the onus is on you to separate the dregs from the wine. If you pick one loose cannon, we can call it a mistake; it can happen to anybody. More than that, it starts looking like a trend. Remember, nobody can force you to date anybody. It’s your own choice. We cannot always blame others for our own bad choices.


Relax! It is Friday.

Purely by what I have read on the public blogs, there are men and women who meet up with the much-discussed intention of serious zoobie zooms*. There are people who have got so close during their correspondence that the meeting is just the final step in a long-term relationship they both know will happen. There are people who lose their nerve and cancel at the last minute, and there are people almost breathless with hope that this time will be The One.

Sometimes it is The One. Just, maybe, you hadn't specified the one what ...

Sometimes the one was eh, hang on, this is just coffee, right?

And sometimes one person is confidently expecting zoobie zooms and the other expecting a new acquaintance to compare stamp collections with . . . mixed signals. Oops.

One way and another I’ve met about 15 people off CS now and the ones that I wanted to meet because we are cyber buddies were GREAT. The three others, well, one meet was a disaster which didn’t get to the end of lunch, one turned into a series of LDR meetings before crashing and burning a year later, and one was another whole story altogether. and for the last year or so I have stuck firmly to the buddy side of things.

Taken me nearly 4 years on here to realize that people can meet just on the off-chance, with little or no expectations, they live not particularly far apart, why not

That’s the problem with being a closet romantic, I keep waiting on Prince Charming jerking the closet door open and telling me my pumpkin awaits. I assume everyone else does too so when I hear a meet went well I’m partly oh WOW they’re in love and partly green with envy because they’re so lucky .

Doh.

Just as soon as I wash the plaster out my hair and scrub off the paint freckles I’m writing back to a few locals in my new location who had suggested meeting up for coffee. At the time I had been meh, that's going nowhere, pass. Now I just expect a cup of coffee

And maybe a few hair-raising stories to pass on, that’s a popular blog subject too . . .


*zoobie zooms? bonking.