Bottle of Love (A Saga)
First one for a couple of years, back to a trusted style
grumpy old men/gone past caring.
wrote this poem,to perform it on stage,at a charity event,I helped organise,planned for good friday,at the boathouse bar,salisbury,wilts,it's a comedy& cabaret night,hopefully it will attract lots of people,to contribute to the charity funds.
Fish guts
Drunken bloody puke up Over the side Someone yells he’s burlin’ up On this bloody boat ride Who organized the pecks paste sangers On this fishing trip Along with all this alcohol Sh*t I think I’m getting ripped This dodgy food and drinking A
My First Time
True story. Kathy was fourteen and experienced. I was eighteen and green. Fortunately, she didn't get pregnant. Her mom came home later and Kathy walked me to the car, then I realized I had left my wallet in the bedroom when I got the condom out. She went back in to get it and after a couple of minutes her mom called out, "What color is it?" I managed to choke out, "Black." Kathy came out with it a moment later. I asked her what she had told her mom and she said that the kids were playing hide and seek with it. lol
That Little Bird is Crazy
Political humor....
My lil' green Christmas truck
Ok..So I'm up early this morning..lol
Local Politics (Macduff's Just Because Challange)
Well....placing some folksy diatribe about politics into a most colorful local "Hill Farmer" vernacular requires some skill so that means in order to meet Macduff's challenge and only slight variations of spelling and language that sounds more like the folks back here in the 'stick's would reckon. Hope you enjoy !! :)))
Free Range Chickens
They had this hilarious skit on SNL where they sing this song called "Set the Chickens Free." Adam Sandler plays Axle Rose, Chris Farley plays Carnie Wilson, and Phil Hartman plays Kenny Rogers. It was a parody of We are the World from 1985.
As Ancient as Macintosh
A bard as Ancient as Macintosh... The night wears a satin black, with countless poker dots diamonds, And in the morning sky, change into a silky gold, with fluffy laces of milky pearls, I once summoned a frighten toad, to fight a dancing
Yummy Cookies!
, got modification to poem!
The Poet
I'm not giving away the secret :)
I Remember The First time It Happened..
I thought this was too good not to share.
Glider limerick
OK, pilot humour. Sorryyyy...
PLUNGER MAN
The newest super hero PLUNGER MAN
Knight of Gimmemoor
An entirely fictional account, a fable to be certain, for the sheer entertainment value about why the very 'act of revolution' is justified and much needed from time to time...is a most silly little fun sonnet....I think a legend born somewhere in old England perhaps...haha....
Mailbox women
Tribute to.. you guessed it..'Mailbox teasers..lol
Spell It
just having fun
SELF HYPNOTISM
self administered pep talk......Impossible?......LOL.....Andrew....xxx
Old Lady Nursery Rhyme
There was an old lady Who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids She didn't know what to do. * * * * EVIDENTLY !
I could tell
This is actually the kind of crazy talk I've heard people say back in the 60's and early seventies. Lol.
Lets Bake a Cake
I think that hen will be Sunday dinner
A country tango
just having fun with words
You Have Been Replaced :(
Now I know why my lucky coin is lucky. Have not used a pay phone in years. But....surprise they take a little more than what I remembered :( Thank goodness some people are nice enough to let others borrow a land line when there is no cell service and the old auto picks a cold dark night to give it's driver a little exercise.
After the Party
wanted to repost this after i pulled it.
Three Little Words
GOTCHA! Just having a little fun. I apologize to anyone that may take this poem the wrong way.Just a little fun. No animals were hurt in the making of this poem!
Steve 1223 look for long time woman
Tribute to Steve's 'NICE LADY' poem..sooo funny..
Limerick Weekend #2
I once had a friend try to borrow My money with tales of sorrrow. And so he did say I need it yesterday! "No Problem! Just ask me tomorrow!".
Fred the Pig
There once was a pig named Fred who sadly it has to be said was a tad overweight and couldn't fit through the gate so spent all his days in his bed.
Blind Date
An oldie and a goldie.
I'm new on this site
OMG! When will all the scammers I get take a day off! Lol.
my four dogs and me...a childs mind
we all ran out the basement door my four dogs and me down a winding trail seeking all there was to be children's squeals in the distance our noses raised up high the game was on, the trek begun ears pointed to the sky our tails quickl
Are You Smarter Than a Highschool Dropout?
Parody of one of my favorite show songs, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? I think it would be funny to have a show with high school dropouts as the kids helping some contestant answer the questions.
CLUTTER
What can I say I live in a small place with not much storage but that is not really the issue is it? I think most of us can relate to this poem I wrote after talking to a friend about clutter and looking around my apartment and seeing piles here and there. :-)
Very silly poem, number 1
There once was a girl from Glamorgan Who went on a site to find more men, But when she got there They had nasal hair, So now she's a lesbian mormon.
Youtube
There are a ton of really good videos on youtube. Just about every song ever made can be found there. Some of my favorite comedians like Dave Chapelle, Patton Oswalt, and Larry David. There are lots of accident and prank videos like Jimmy Kimmel's I ate all your halloween candy.
What Women Want
This was written some time back. I don't think things have changed that much.
The Flying Dutchman
Just 15 minutes of glory to Flying Dutchman ...
Conquer and surrender neighbourhood style
Folks if you have to fight early in the morning, Dont forget to take out the chainsaws and kitchen knives, Husbands fight fire with deadly fire, Tell your wives how bad she really looks once she is fully awake, And wives be cunning in your cat
pity penny pie pence (Jade's Challenge)
Inspired by Jade's P & Ragdoll poems... *pips(of oranges)/seeds of oranges
Me love you long time
Helllow: Dude here..? Looking for a female with ruby lips to kiss on my face in the park.. Must go to the park and visit the big yellow duck.. I like the duck because he i my friend.. He told me stuff.. He told me woman would come because I
One Bad Trip
Now I am off on a really bad trip Who said the circus was a really good tip, Millions of lions chasing me down A bearded woman and a killer crazed clown, People screaming, I'm losing my mind Psycho hosed elephants squashing mankind, Tripling tr
Poisoning Pigions in the Park
A shortened version of Tom Lehrer's famous song, thought of it because yesterday was the first day of spring, and I saw rain and a few robins, no pigions!