Humor Poems (1,868)

Gonna tell you a story
all so true
about a scheming girl
named Betty Sue...

Kind of girl
make a fool of you
make a young man grow old
and an old man pay too...

Betty Sue stole my golden chain
took the keys to my Chevy car
took her kitty
and drove so far...

Hired a P.I. to search her trail
contacted the post office
to track her mail
then heard she was placed in jail
kissed the judge
and placed on bail..

Betty Sue moved to city Yazoo
just to make a fool of me and you
heard she married a rich cat with two kids
ripped him off and he flipped his lid!

Left Turning Tendency: [any ‘flyers’ in here? –Now; flyers are not the same as ‘air-heads’.. It’s important we don’t confuse stigmas here – ‘m talkin ‘bout stick ‘n rudder jockeys!] All the same; come barnstorm whit me fer a bit...

Left Turning Tendency

It is said it is attributed partly
to the spiraling slipstream, the prop-wash
Also contributing to this ‘veering effect’
are differing angles of attack
A slight imbalance of sector thrust
that is; sectors left & right from the vertical
Where a rotating airfoil’s downward chop
generate the greater of the two
Hmm... Let’s keep it simple:
Let’s rather call it the mechanics of tickling
an already hysterical wind

Why surely it was Van Gough
first to freeze-frame the whorls, those
consummate curls
vortices about
momentary points of calm, these
eddies in the Wind
A realm where
inconsistency itself in constant flux
cause an airborne strand of spider silk
to wrap around the world

His, the first to portray
elastic likenesses in black, purple, gray
for-ever mixing but never blending
Pumpernickel dough
knead, roll, fold
kneaded and rolled again..
The second and third, the fourth dimension
vying for supremacy
An undulating canvas where vertigo
alternately transpose itself above and below
The Impressionist’s Trampoline

Ah, the canvas
the canvas stretched before us all....


Now you might say I spent my day
clinging by the fingernails
to a riveted seam along the fuselage
with growing concern for the inputs
controlling pitch, roll, and yaw

-Then again; --You might say I spend my days
confusing used motor oil with Netherlands Rain
I mean: what the chewed dog bone not-ever
does Van Gough have anything to do
with piston-powered airplanes ?
Might I suggest a thing
suggest a colloquial thing, or two...
a -toward-the-left-and
turning thing
Happened over the course
of a Van Gough night or two...
One night;
once-upon-a-colloquial night;
dipping brushes to colors by memory
(unable to by sight)... recall it (was) – night
-upon a cumuliform partly cloudy, moderate breeze and
waning gibbous night, no less..
The Gustfront of Anomaly did seize
and not the psychoses so easily ascribed; no
on this particular night
--- I tell you he Was the wind

Now, we do recall at least one commemorative song:
thank you Don McClean
And we think we know the painting(s), likewise
thank you; Master Vince
So now I tell you one last
one last left-turning, turning tendency thing..
Apart the universal given that we know not
of the wind, not
wist it comes nor
whither it goes..
this we do (know) of ourselves:
We hadda good home but we left -- You’re right !
--You Left ! You’re Right !
--You Left !! You’re Right !!

hiddle le’t , hiddle le’t, hiddle le’t, righ’, le’t…


- djg nov/dec ‘05

Mine to Keep
Oressie Simmons


I often thought of myself as an unique character, where events in my life were just a tab bit sadder.


No one could ever know such pain; no one could ever have a sadder story quite the same.


For who knows about tragedy of a sudden heart break or the timid steps to recovery one must take.


Yes,there is no one out there quite like me and I often ask myself and we agree.


Because no one understands the feeling to lose someone you love or how superficial hobbies may be there as their sub.


For who knows about being turned down from employment while all the time thinking this opportunity was heaven sent.


Yes,there is no one that could ever experience these feelings for I am the only unique human being living.

I try and make
my comments
like a woman's skirt
long enough

to be interesting
short enough to be respectful...

No body talks
if a chicken can't fly
or when the honey bee flies
no one comments...

Cool posts
and comments
make cool friends!

If it's negative
don't forget
to leave it in my suggestion box
shaped like a toilet!

teacher: what does the chicken give you?

kids: meat

teacher: very good now.what does the pig give you?

kids: bacon

teacher: great! and what does the cow give you?

kids: homework!

Thanks for your comments guys

Daddy Daddy !
You're the man!
Promise to throw my
trash in a can!
I'm your biggest fan!
Now come hold my hand !
Everyday you make me smile !
This has been going on for a while!
I feel like a child !
Sometimes even wild !
I know your always there !
With the touch of the phone !
Daddy Daddy!
Please
Take her drunk
a** home !
I wrote you a poem!
Promise not to roam !
You know I'm no lush !
I'm guilty of a crush !
Oh Daddy Daddy !
Promise to never be a fatty !
You can roll a fat one!
Have lots of fun !
Just don't smoke more then one !
For you might become
A fatty Daddy!!

If time was a cat
and earth a balloon
would'nt it be great
to lock them both
in to the one room

B O O M..!

Call me if you can hear
Read me if you can see
These are my age ranges
Anyone above the age of
798 I won't respond to
I won't
I just won't.
Cafe
lol

Low tide request sent
To forklifters mind

Lift me high

Till i'm high tide
In the sky

Case in outerspace
nutcase

Nutcase save's
Human race