Here is a list of Humor Poems. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.
like & I do not like
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I do not like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I like like & I do not lik
I do not like like & I do not lik
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2016
About this poem:
I do not like like & I do not lik
Haiku-1
summer's day
sunny tranquil garden
cat's crap on my foot
heeeere kitty kitty kitty......
sunny tranquil garden
cat's crap on my foot
heeeere kitty kitty kitty......
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2015
Post Comment
With a little Humor...
Her legs are not so ) ( also not so ( ) but so !!
Don't leave a comment!
Don't leave a comment!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2015
Post CommentYour Dog
He's Canine Supreme,you say;
Augustine Mereweather McSway;
What a name for a pug, I say -
Barks on and on all day -
AND all through the night - O.K.?
What? My Gus making a fuss?- no way!
I've never heard ought but play!
Too bad my dear , him or me today;
He'll go well with couscous
And that Beaujolais !
Yes Canine Supreme all the way!
DG 2015
Augustine Mereweather McSway;
What a name for a pug, I say -
Barks on and on all day -
AND all through the night - O.K.?
What? My Gus making a fuss?- no way!
I've never heard ought but play!
Too bad my dear , him or me today;
He'll go well with couscous
And that Beaujolais !
Yes Canine Supreme all the way!
DG 2015
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2015
About this poem:
This expresses my frustration with neighbourhood barkers, as boorish as their owners!(Yours excluded of course!). But this is a lovers tiff and Gus is really well today!You do my head in
I was a loving neighbour until,
The week after you moved in -
The DIY nightmare rolled out.
Two years have passed,
And I am suicidal,
Driven grey haired by your love
For power tools, noise
And dodgy renewal.
It was a lovely house,
So Swedish and so cool
In hot summer;
So Nordic and wood burning
In cooler Winter.
What now? I'll never know.
I welcomed you with
Flowers and a smile.
You betrayed my trust with
Every power tool
Known to man and wife.
Saws and drills, orbital this router that;
Pumps here, jack hammers there;
Seven days, holidays too.
I can fight your right,
As an Englishman in his castle;
With my electric toothbrush,
Orange juicer and personal fan;
Then my hair dryer,carving knife
and I Mac phone and pad.
This mouse will roar;
My head back , please!
I WILL win!
Daddy owns the electricity company....
Honest Injun!
DG 2015
The week after you moved in -
The DIY nightmare rolled out.
Two years have passed,
And I am suicidal,
Driven grey haired by your love
For power tools, noise
And dodgy renewal.
It was a lovely house,
So Swedish and so cool
In hot summer;
So Nordic and wood burning
In cooler Winter.
What now? I'll never know.
I welcomed you with
Flowers and a smile.
You betrayed my trust with
Every power tool
Known to man and wife.
Saws and drills, orbital this router that;
Pumps here, jack hammers there;
Seven days, holidays too.
I can fight your right,
As an Englishman in his castle;
With my electric toothbrush,
Orange juicer and personal fan;
Then my hair dryer,carving knife
and I Mac phone and pad.
This mouse will roar;
My head back , please!
I WILL win!
Daddy owns the electricity company....
Honest Injun!
DG 2015
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2015
About this poem:
Based on my lovers experience and an age old problemSPORT
Xenophobia is Sport ;
Jingoism is Sport ;
Way overpaid is Sport ;
Aggression is Sport;
Battlefield is Sport;
O Muses of Music,
And Song, Opera and Love ,
Save my Soul and let me heal!
DG 2015
Jingoism is Sport ;
Way overpaid is Sport ;
Aggression is Sport;
Battlefield is Sport;
O Muses of Music,
And Song, Opera and Love ,
Save my Soul and let me heal!
DG 2015
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2015
About this poem:
Frustration at the one eyed nature of Australian sports broadcasters takes Parochialism to dizzying heights! O dear I could have included this! How can you get well from an illness you have had all of your life-ie "a sports fan"?
2012.. It's Apocalyptic!!
Sorry children, but it's all true..
On December 15,2012 it's all going
down..
At 7:00am. when you walk out to your
front porch to pick up the morning
paper in your slippers the sky will
be an errie red..
You won't think to much of it til you
hear strange sounds getting louder from
beyond the hill..
You shut your door and peer through the
keyhole and you can make out strange
creatures bounding accross the fields..
Hundreds of them..no..thousands..
In a minute you can make out the forms
charging like lighting..
They are vicious hounds from hell with
red eyes and dripping saliva blood..
Suddenly, a clap of thunder shakes the
earth and lighting splits your neighbors
house in two..
You notice that a few of your neighbors
have begun to drag the streets like zombies
and their eyes have been burnt out of their
heads..
You run to the phone to call your husband at
work but the line is dead..and so is he.
Meteorites begin pounding the earth and hail
stones weighing 700 pounds are crushing
buildings like match boxes..
The earth has shifted off it's axis and the sun's
radiation is burning all plant life like tinder..
The moon has cracked apart and the stars are exploding in violent colors
People are coming up out of their graves and trying
to sell you a life insurance policy with low premiums..
You watch the weather man on TV turn into some green
slime and then pop like a bubble..
Your bottom lip begin to drip down on your big toe
and you notice that the cat has run off with your
breasts..The mailman knocks on your door and when you
answer he's nothing but a skull with snakes running
through his eye sockets
You vomit in his face and he thanks you..but still delivers
the mail..
Soon the hounds of hell are tearing your house apart
and their salva is an acid burning holes though the sidwalk..
Vultures with hellish screeches and wings seventy feet wide
begin snatching up bedazed towns people and soaring them up
into clouds of fiery ash
More mutants rise from the dead and grow wings
Flying at sonic speeds..
You begin to feel your body change into deaths
breakfast
You have become super strong and you run down the street
and rip the neighborhood bully's head off just for kicks..
The earth splits in half and you ride into deep space on what was left of your peaceful habitat
The world is now only 300 feet wide and a confused duck along with your mother-in-law blazes into the
eternal night
The moon? Gone.
Your new lawn mower? Zip
The hot chick chick you were
dating? She's history.
Welcome to 2012!
On December 15,2012 it's all going
down..
At 7:00am. when you walk out to your
front porch to pick up the morning
paper in your slippers the sky will
be an errie red..
You won't think to much of it til you
hear strange sounds getting louder from
beyond the hill..
You shut your door and peer through the
keyhole and you can make out strange
creatures bounding accross the fields..
Hundreds of them..no..thousands..
In a minute you can make out the forms
charging like lighting..
They are vicious hounds from hell with
red eyes and dripping saliva blood..
Suddenly, a clap of thunder shakes the
earth and lighting splits your neighbors
house in two..
You notice that a few of your neighbors
have begun to drag the streets like zombies
and their eyes have been burnt out of their
heads..
You run to the phone to call your husband at
work but the line is dead..and so is he.
Meteorites begin pounding the earth and hail
stones weighing 700 pounds are crushing
buildings like match boxes..
The earth has shifted off it's axis and the sun's
radiation is burning all plant life like tinder..
The moon has cracked apart and the stars are exploding in violent colors
People are coming up out of their graves and trying
to sell you a life insurance policy with low premiums..
You watch the weather man on TV turn into some green
slime and then pop like a bubble..
Your bottom lip begin to drip down on your big toe
and you notice that the cat has run off with your
breasts..The mailman knocks on your door and when you
answer he's nothing but a skull with snakes running
through his eye sockets
You vomit in his face and he thanks you..but still delivers
the mail..
Soon the hounds of hell are tearing your house apart
and their salva is an acid burning holes though the sidwalk..
Vultures with hellish screeches and wings seventy feet wide
begin snatching up bedazed towns people and soaring them up
into clouds of fiery ash
More mutants rise from the dead and grow wings
Flying at sonic speeds..
You begin to feel your body change into deaths
breakfast
You have become super strong and you run down the street
and rip the neighborhood bully's head off just for kicks..
The earth splits in half and you ride into deep space on what was left of your peaceful habitat
The world is now only 300 feet wide and a confused duck along with your mother-in-law blazes into the
eternal night
The moon? Gone.
Your new lawn mower? Zip
The hot chick chick you were
dating? She's history.
Welcome to 2012!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2012
About this poem:
Uh..lol
P.S.PU
I was writing her a letter the other day
Thinking so hard on what to say
Roses are red and violets are blue
There's a skunk in the garden, p.s.pu
I know you expected more lines than this
Please understand my love I'm dancing the polecat twist
And it's sad that the mail man is over due
There's a skunk in the garden,p.s.pu
Thinking so hard on what to say
Roses are red and violets are blue
There's a skunk in the garden, p.s.pu
I know you expected more lines than this
Please understand my love I'm dancing the polecat twist
And it's sad that the mail man is over due
There's a skunk in the garden,p.s.pu
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2015
Post Comment
Crossing Over : One Man's Escape From Amish Life
Hi
Names Jebediah Claptrap
I'm mighty sick and tired of raisin barns
Churning butter, plowing fields, and raising 12 children
So I struck out and found a life among the English
First I was an Amish and now I am a day trader
I used to drive a buggy pulled by a horse
Now I have a Mercedes with a 445 horse engine
Varoom!
I still worship the lord
But instead of working by the sweat of my brow in the hot sun
I work in an air conditioned office in a luxury chair
When asked if I miss the Amish life I used to have
All I have to say is
Nope!
Names Jebediah Claptrap
I'm mighty sick and tired of raisin barns
Churning butter, plowing fields, and raising 12 children
So I struck out and found a life among the English
First I was an Amish and now I am a day trader
I used to drive a buggy pulled by a horse
Now I have a Mercedes with a 445 horse engine
Varoom!
I still worship the lord
But instead of working by the sweat of my brow in the hot sun
I work in an air conditioned office in a luxury chair
When asked if I miss the Amish life I used to have
All I have to say is
Nope!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 2015
About this poem:
A parody of a book I started to read called Crossing Over: One Woman's Escape from Amish Life by Ruth Irene Garrett.
The Princess and the Knave
I had to look twice, cause I wasn’t sure
Didn’t want her seeing me staring at her
She caught my eye though
And threw me a wave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
We talked for a while in awkward phrases
Tackling topics in gradual stages
She told me she missed me
And I had to be brave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
We dropped into a place where the coffee was strong
I lied when I told her I couldn’t stay long
She said that’s okay
It ain’t you I crave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
She asked if I loved her
So I said I could try
I’d never admit what I cannot deny
But she seemed satisfied with the answer I gave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
We lay on her bed with the moon staring in
Sharing a joint and drinking her gin
The night was so still
And quiet as the grave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
Rainy mid morning woke us both up
The breakfast she made went cold in my cup
I imagined how easily
I could make her my slave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
If I see her again, I think I might hide
Stick my libido in a bag with my pride
Don’t pass no judgement on how I behave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
Didn’t want her seeing me staring at her
She caught my eye though
And threw me a wave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
We talked for a while in awkward phrases
Tackling topics in gradual stages
She told me she missed me
And I had to be brave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
We dropped into a place where the coffee was strong
I lied when I told her I couldn’t stay long
She said that’s okay
It ain’t you I crave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
She asked if I loved her
So I said I could try
I’d never admit what I cannot deny
But she seemed satisfied with the answer I gave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
We lay on her bed with the moon staring in
Sharing a joint and drinking her gin
The night was so still
And quiet as the grave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
Rainy mid morning woke us both up
The breakfast she made went cold in my cup
I imagined how easily
I could make her my slave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
If I see her again, I think I might hide
Stick my libido in a bag with my pride
Don’t pass no judgement on how I behave
She played the Princess and I played the knave
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2010
About this poem:
This poem was inspired by a song from a very famous artist. See can you guess the song or the artist.Poems entered on these pages are copyrighted by the authors who entered them. They cannot be reproduced without the author's written consent. © Copyright 2001-2024. All rights reserved.
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