Here is a list of Humor Poems. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.
Oscar speech
Ladies and gentlemen, I am not going to give a speech the way most people do it.
Maya Angelo, Oprah, or Tom Cruise once said that we live in moments
Oh I can't remember exactly what they said but I tell you this
I'm not going to thank God, my producer, my director, the academy, or anyone else for that matter
Nobody gonna breaka my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down
Oh no, I got to keep on moving
So I tell all the people watching me
Don't imitate me or anyone else
Be true to who you are
Go with yourself
I can't ####ing believe I'm here!
Maya Angelo, Oprah, or Tom Cruise once said that we live in moments
Oh I can't remember exactly what they said but I tell you this
I'm not going to thank God, my producer, my director, the academy, or anyone else for that matter
Nobody gonna breaka my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down
Oh no, I got to keep on moving
So I tell all the people watching me
Don't imitate me or anyone else
Be true to who you are
Go with yourself
I can't ####ing believe I'm here!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Mar 2011
About this poem:
Just a compilation of some speeches I've heard on different award shows, Fiona Apple, Will Smith, The guy in American Pie, the woman who swore this year at the oscars.
Summertime
Summertime, and my liver's easen
Another bottle to the sky
My daddy's gonna risk, my momma's bad cookin'
So hush, little baby, otherwise you will fry
One of these mornings you're gonna rise up stinging
All these mosquitoes, don't help you get by
But when you're scratchin', ain't no-one will claim you
Even daddy and mammy who are standin' by
Another bottle to the sky
My daddy's gonna risk, my momma's bad cookin'
So hush, little baby, otherwise you will fry
One of these mornings you're gonna rise up stinging
All these mosquitoes, don't help you get by
But when you're scratchin', ain't no-one will claim you
Even daddy and mammy who are standin' by
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Feb 2018
About this poem:
Summertime, Ella Fitz.., what great lyrics.Here's the backwoods version.
online today!Swipe Right
Swipe right
My daily rite
(For as a man
I need delight).
Swipe left
I feel bereft
(Although it's quick
As I am deft).
Swipe right
Maybe some night
She will let me
Be her knight.
Well, I'm alone
(And all out of fight)
Today I'm done
With swiping right.
Can this continue?
Well not tonight
(I've writer's block)
And so goodnight.
© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved
My daily rite
(For as a man
I need delight).
Swipe left
I feel bereft
(Although it's quick
As I am deft).
Swipe right
Maybe some night
She will let me
Be her knight.
Well, I'm alone
(And all out of fight)
Today I'm done
With swiping right.
Can this continue?
Well not tonight
(I've writer's block)
And so goodnight.
© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2018
Post Comment
That is Me
Things that my heart and mind juggle
Some with ease AND some with struggle
The path my heart, my being holds dear and snuggle?
Are: art, altruism, creativity, reading and writing
Just keeping busy to avoid nail biting……
Business, fashion design, travel and painting
Saves memory from fainting……hahahah
Meeting people, poetry, all kinds of meditations
Overthrown castle of medications!.....
Loving animals, laughing, music and dancing,
Walking, working out are life enhancing
OK now I am busy laughing…….hahahah
Let me know what are you doing
Drinking win or brewing…..hahaha
Some with ease AND some with struggle
The path my heart, my being holds dear and snuggle?
Are: art, altruism, creativity, reading and writing
Just keeping busy to avoid nail biting……
Business, fashion design, travel and painting
Saves memory from fainting……hahahah
Meeting people, poetry, all kinds of meditations
Overthrown castle of medications!.....
Loving animals, laughing, music and dancing,
Walking, working out are life enhancing
OK now I am busy laughing…….hahahah
Let me know what are you doing
Drinking win or brewing…..hahaha
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2018
About this poem:
Well, That is me.....Sweet treats
To steal a kiss is really sweet.
To be given one free is twice the treat.
To be given one free is twice the treat.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2018
About this poem:
A yummy yummy couplet
Lucky Peas
I still remember grandmas advice, on bringing in the new year
She'd make us all eat black eyed peas, a memory I hold dear
We were told that it would bring us luck, and us children hid our smirks
It's amazing how although we've grown, we hold on to our quirks
Never mind the fact, I broke my foot, exactly on the first
And all the while I suffered, I was told it could have been worse
The source of this tradition is vague, unclear and much in doubt
Yet come New Years, I will indeed, have a mess of peas in my mouth.
She'd make us all eat black eyed peas, a memory I hold dear
We were told that it would bring us luck, and us children hid our smirks
It's amazing how although we've grown, we hold on to our quirks
Never mind the fact, I broke my foot, exactly on the first
And all the while I suffered, I was told it could have been worse
The source of this tradition is vague, unclear and much in doubt
Yet come New Years, I will indeed, have a mess of peas in my mouth.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2017
About this poem:
A nostalgic memory from my childhood, I was nine and it was New Year's day, we'd had our dinner,complete with peas of course. Us kid's were galavantin' around in the front yard and I stubbed my big toe on the fence ( leastwise I thought I'd stubbed it) when grandma looked at the angle it was bent she sent for the doc who come down after about an hour or two, I hated black eyed peas for a long time afterwards.
Mannish
It wasn't no secret what type of boy I was, I couldn't hide it if I tried
I loved women folk at an early age, and conscious was not my guide
Now Miss Lula Mae was a fine figure of a woman, and a widow at that
And all the men folk that seen her, would stop to tip their hat
But I was just a young boy, and knew no courtesy
Instead I'd stop on a dime, and gawk at her shamlessly
I had my little fantasies, and she was in them all
And I'd probably still be fantasizing, if my grandma hadn't called.
I
I loved women folk at an early age, and conscious was not my guide
Now Miss Lula Mae was a fine figure of a woman, and a widow at that
And all the men folk that seen her, would stop to tip their hat
But I was just a young boy, and knew no courtesy
Instead I'd stop on a dime, and gawk at her shamlessly
I had my little fantasies, and she was in them all
And I'd probably still be fantasizing, if my grandma hadn't called.
I
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2017
About this poem:
As I look back on my adolescence I realize I was quite precocious, the folk backthen called it "mannish" in regard to boy's, and "womalish" in the case of girl's.
I laughed out loud several times as I penned these memories.
I hope the reader gets as much enjoyment from the reading, as I have the writing.
( I don't know if this should go under the catagory of "child" or " humor" ? Child humor?.
Doctor humour 2
A guy comes out of the Doctor's surgery
The receptionist says "How did it go?"
"Bad news" he says, "I have to take these pills for the rest of my life."
The receptionist says "Ah that's not so bad."
He says "Yeah but he only gave me four."
The receptionist says "How did it go?"
"Bad news" he says, "I have to take these pills for the rest of my life."
The receptionist says "Ah that's not so bad."
He says "Yeah but he only gave me four."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2017
About this poem:
Adapted from a Frank Carson joke
What's Your Elf Name? (Look and see!!! :))
Everyone must try this!!!! and Please Share !!!!
The First Letter of My First Name Is:
A- Perky I- Kringle O- Elfie U- Peaches
B- Nipper J- Puddin P- Jingle V- Gingerbread
C- Bubbles K- Cookie Q- Snowflake W- Frisbee
D- Happy L- Tinker R- Jolly X- Evergreen
E- Squeezy M- Twinkle S- Elvis Y- Pinky
G- Merry N- Buddy T- Sugarplum Z- Tinsel
H- Tootsie
The Month I Was Born In Is:
JAN- Angel Pants JULY- Superplum
FEB- Floppy Feet AUG- Sugar Socks
MAR- Plum Pants SEP- Pickle Pants
APR- McJingles OCT- Sparley Toes
MAY- Peppermint NOV- Monkey Buns
JUNE- Toe Bells DEC- Pointy Toes
hahaha Merry Christmas Everybody.....
The First Letter of My First Name Is:
A- Perky I- Kringle O- Elfie U- Peaches
B- Nipper J- Puddin P- Jingle V- Gingerbread
C- Bubbles K- Cookie Q- Snowflake W- Frisbee
D- Happy L- Tinker R- Jolly X- Evergreen
E- Squeezy M- Twinkle S- Elvis Y- Pinky
G- Merry N- Buddy T- Sugarplum Z- Tinsel
H- Tootsie
The Month I Was Born In Is:
JAN- Angel Pants JULY- Superplum
FEB- Floppy Feet AUG- Sugar Socks
MAR- Plum Pants SEP- Pickle Pants
APR- McJingles OCT- Sparley Toes
MAY- Peppermint NOV- Monkey Buns
JUNE- Toe Bells DEC- Pointy Toes
hahaha Merry Christmas Everybody.....
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2012
About this poem:
Little Holiday Fun... (This was taken from an untitled web source)Doctor humour
I was in at the Doctors and I say:
“….and Doc, I’m smoking 60 - 80 a day and
after I go cycle training I feel like crap.”
He reaches into his desk, pulls out some cigarettes,
offers me one and we lean back and gaze at the ceiling.
Then he says: “Look son, I’m just going to come right out and say it,
if you want to be an athlete you need to get a better bike.”
“….and Doc, I’m smoking 60 - 80 a day and
after I go cycle training I feel like crap.”
He reaches into his desk, pulls out some cigarettes,
offers me one and we lean back and gaze at the ceiling.
Then he says: “Look son, I’m just going to come right out and say it,
if you want to be an athlete you need to get a better bike.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2017
About this poem:
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