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Humor Poems (1,868)

Here is a list of Humor Poems. Read poetry, post your own poems or comments. Poems on these pages are copyrighted © by the authors who entered them. Click here to post a poem.

Hickman28

CA LuPa

Why is ever girl on this site like fifty or more. Is there any mid age women like twenty or even thirtys on this site let me know if you would like to talk about to quit .
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Posted: Feb 2017
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Hickman28

Sweet

Girl you so sweet I would maybe like to meet. I hope you like KFC that's the place to be so think about it girl so I can sweep you off your feet.
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Posted: Feb 2017
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cafetwo2010

A drunkards poem

ROs eS aRe rrED
AN D veeletts ;¿ R bLoW

P e GG y arE purdey.(» ANd
Sew R Su e...to
for 2 b e Sue U 2 . IS
A
BJump Into blue
So!! Go fOr S ue tOO!

PEGGy w e n t HOme 2!&
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Posted: Mar 2014
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Unknown

The only Diamond

Not every diamond seemed as you
You always felt being a silver.
You were so precious to others,
But underestimated by self
The only Diamond
Not for no confidence, but to make it easy for people
To reach or get a diamond that queens ever wished to have.
You were so kind that none found as you,
No one loved you the way you loved to be theirs.
You were so lucky to be this diamond that
None had the intelligence to know your priceless worth,
You helped everyone to ease it for them to know you
They always failed forever.
The diamond that people valued was to be sold,
But you were being free, none got to you because you were free and priceless free
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2017
About this poem:
The only diamond in the world that no one knew it
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MarkZ1998

Welcome 2017!

Happy New Year, there's nothing to fear.
Except maybe Donald Trump, especially when he's taking a dump.
Oh and there's South Korea with their impeachment, and the North with their nuclear annihilation.
Hopefully terrorism will diminish in scale, when Islamophobia becomes frail.
There's also issues like climate change, and China's slower economic growth.
And much more problems for us to loath.
All in all, its in the same old shit again, be let's all refrain.
Be more optimistic in our ways, that is if we can keep pessimism at its bay.
To 2017 we shall pray, that it won't be a total disaster like yesterday.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Jan 2017
About this poem:
2017. It's all for humour, so dun take it seriously :)
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Mizzy4

I Remember The First time It Happened..

I remember the first time I tried it,
I was only a lad of sixteen,
and she was far younger than I.
But more composed and serene.

I was eager, yet terribly awkward.
Uncertain to proceed.
But she seemed not to notice the hesitancy,
with which I prepared for the deed!

I was out at the barn I remember.
At the close of a lush summer day.
The evening was scented with clover,
and the fragrance of new-mown hay!

I remember she made no objections,
or showed evidence of alarm.
For I loved her and she loved me,
since first she came to the farm.

I recall I spoke to her softly,
as I cuddled her face in my hands.
And I saw the look deep in her eyes of a loved one,
who understands.

I remember she moved closer,
the touch of her body warm,
as I slid my fingers over her throat.
She nestled her head on my arm.

Looking back on it,
Now I remember I stood while my heart seemed to spin.
With the thrill of the thing I was going to do.
Yet, I was somewhat reluctant to begin.

Her eyes serene, I thought to rebuke me – for waiting.
For being afraid.
And when old Tillie, the plow horse
looked over her shoulder and neighed.

Long later, I stood up uncertain.
And gazed long at the setting sun,
tingling with pride and yet shaken and aired.
To know that at last it was done.

I remember (it seemed hours later) how my heart
hammered hard under my blouse,
with the joy of a boy turned into man,
as I made my way back to the house.

Twenty years have gone by since that evening,
But I’ve never forgotten my vow.
The thrill and joy I felt as a boy,
on the day I milked my first cow!
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Posted: Jan 2014
About this poem:
I thought this was too good not to share.
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Unknown

"Merry Christmas to all"

Merry Christmas to all
&
Happy Hanukkah
&
Enjoyment of the Festival of Lights
(To those of the Jewish faith)
And everyone else!

To all!

~ May your Days be Happy & Bright! ~

~ Especially may you enjoy Christmas Eve Night ~

My desire is to wish

A

Very Merry Christmas to all

The wonderful people on Connecting Singles

Who are to many to wish it to singularly!

JimEee
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Posted: Dec 2016
About this poem:
Happiness overflows
on this wonderful day!
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Unknown

Extremely

particularly

fond maternal affection



once offered
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Posted: Dec 2016
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cafetwo2010

Press# 1 if you are looking for..

Your call may be monitored
for security purposes.

Press #1 if you are looking
for a CS male date and would
like to listen to an audio of
their delusional ramblings.

Press #2 if your last CS
male date was either
captured running naked
through the woods or
sentenced to death
by gas chamber

Press #3 if the last date
we sent you was no more
romantic than the chewing
gum you pulled out of
your hair brush

Press #4 if you believe that
our selection of male dates
would be much happier
swinging in a Bamboo cage
in some undisclosed
jungle

Press #5 if you've wondered
why you didn't press
#1 through #4 earlier

Press #6 if you feel you feel you'll
go nuts if you have to press
one more number

Please stay on the line and
one of our representives
will assist you shortly..

Until then you can enjoy
two hours of our finest
elevator music

Thank you for waiting and
have a nice day.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2016
About this poem:
There it is ladies! It doesn't get any better than this.
We feel blessed to offer you our finest selection of
potential male companions. Come to our office with
a copy of your birth certificate, proof of address, and
your gas & electric bill..
You'll be glad you did! Lol.

Cafe
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cafetwo2010

Can you help me? I have Amnesia..

Where am I? I don't know who
I am..
I bumped my head on a wall
and after that my whole life
was erased my memory
They told me to write on
this site in hopes it would
jar my memory
They told me that I wrote
poetry and that there was
a woman who lived in
a Bamboo cage who
had my phone number
They said she wanted
to lay a frying pan
upside my head
Why?
Did her mother
Report me to
the police?
My roommate said
that I was an
astronaut and
I was living on
a horse farm
My doctor told me
not to believe
what my roommate
said
I took a walk in
the woods and
stood there until
a moose told me
to go back
home
I think I am
confused
Have you seen
me before?
Did my country
send me to the
planet Mars?
I don't know
I voted in this
last election but
the countries
government said
that my vote didn't
count because I
was not allowed
to vote for
a fly
I need help
Call the doctor
if you recognise
me
They said I live
in a house that's
down the street
And could you
please buy me
a chili dog?
Yours truly,
Limbo man
Lol.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Dec 2016
About this poem:
Lol. I simply can't remember.
Cafe
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