Humor Poems (1,868)

I put all of my faith within you
Lavished upon you
All the love money could buy
Nurtured you
Cherished ever part of you
But once again you let me down
What more can a man do
I would ask myself repeatedly
I felt so proud
At all the admiration you received
When we went about town
I did not mind all the envy
Shown towards me
And those looks
Of pure want from other males
Could you not feel
All my adoration
That spilt
Over and made me weep
Did you not sense the emotions?
As I ran my fingers over
The sleekness of your lines
Caressed the contours
Of your wondrous body
Why oh why
Did you let me down once again!!
And now, I shall abandon you
As you abandoned me
In future
I shall tread more carefully
And buy myself a Ford!

Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince,
Good looking and ever so kind was he,
One day while out hunting unicorns by chance,
There crying by creek bank, he met an old lady.

Getting off his charger, he asked what ailed her so,
She said she just needed to get back home,
But the creek was swollen and bridges too far to go,
The water cold and muddy just made her moan.

The Prince simply told her to dry her tears now,
He would carry her across most gently,
Though she was as fat and heavy as an old cow,
And smelt quite putrid, incidentally.

Reaching the other side showed his care for another,
She smiled and laughed at his great kindness,
Then she transformed herself to a fairy godmother
And granted him a wish for his noble fineness.

Spying his grand stallion, the Prince made quick recourse,
He asked this strange, mystical godmother fair,
If he could have genitals just like his horse,
The wish granted, she vanished into thin air.

Back at court, the Prince just loved his new gear,
He was besieged by many a lady's endeavour,
But the news of it soon reached the King's ear,
And he too went in search of the fairy godmother.

The King while hunting found an old lady by a creek,
He carried her over and she became godmother, of course,
She asked the King gratefully, what wish he would seek,
And he told her he wanted genitals like his horse.

However, the King had been riding a mare that day,
But it wasn't a complete disaster,
The King and the Prince got married straight away,
And lived happily ever after!

Kato had some playdough
He made a pink panther
And took him to his school

All the kids gathered around
Made a happy sound
They thought pink panther playdough was cool

They did a pink panther dance
And when the teacher got the chance
She took them all outside
They put him on the swing and they put him on the slide
Kato was beaming with pink panther playdough pride

The bell rang kato put him on the bus and everyone was feeling great
Till the driver slamed on his breaks pink panther was spinning around
Flew out the window and under the tire now he's flattened on the ground

All the kids cried bus driver wanted to hide
Through his mirror he saw pink panther make his last slide
It was a sad day when pink panther playdough got dusty fried

My name is Tom Fiddlebox,
I have lost my colored socks.
I married a fox,
But she turned out to be an ox.
My name is Tom Fiddlebox,
I work on broken clocks.
I saw a fish, who talks,
It sank my boat out on the docks.
My name is Tom Fiddlebox,
I took my money to buy some stocks.
Instead I ended up with bag of rocks.
Which, I bought from a man name Freddy Cox.
My name is Tom Fiddlebox,
I went to a farm to see the flocks.
After the farm I went to see some hawks,
But instead I got beat up by a bunch of jocks.
My name is Tom Fiddlebox,
I went to visit it the fox that, really was an ox.
She stays at zoo now where she breaks rocks.
It’s not too far just a few blocks,
When I got home I ended up with the chicken pox.
Life hadn’t been to kind for I am only Mr. Tom Fiddlebox.

I have a neighbor I'll just call him neighbor ned
When I was seven or eight he hit me over the head
It was a short 2by4 but tap tap tap went neighbor ned

You see he had an intelligent plan
And with that 2by4 in his hand
And what no one till now has ever read
He wanted to prove that little boy was a gourdhead

So years later what he though was just empty space
Have a few words in there and he can't delete or erase
To my brothers he was good but to me not so
And now that you see neighbor ned stop by and say hello

Always like that
That's what they say about him
But why do they get so mad
Oh were they always like that

Just what has he done
Has he hurt anyone
Why do they make fun
Or were they always like that

Some people are the jury
Some people are the judge
Some people have all the fury
And some people will never budge

Why do they hate
Why won't these chains break
Why does everyone but me carry a rake

Can you keep it under your hat
What I write might be read
It has to be like that
Cause what I really want to say can never be said

When you write something down
Their answers have to wait
And that's good cause right now
I'm the only horse out of the gate

Some people may have hissed
If they are still reading this
They are no longer sitting where they sat
And for them it has never been like that

Well who gave me all this to say might be up for debate
He's always like that
But since you no longer sit where you sat
I think it all sounds great

And as the choir sang
Bowed heads from the congregation hang
How fast their hearts were beating oh what a pace
And still mad at who won the race
Oh it was that crazy elvis mustang

Long ago I sent lara croft a friend request on face book I got turned down
Long ago I dedicated a song to her at karaoke
It was called ocean front property
I guess I guess lara croft doesn't like me

Well after two strikes I said that was the end
Besides if the girl I really like
Ever found out oh lara croft I'm really out on a limb

Once at karaoke I had the stage name of Elvis Mustang
But the dj was to embarrassed to announce it
And lara croft never got to meet elvis mustang but that's ok
The girl I really like doesn't know about this I'd like to keep it that way

I could stop and let you think this was all made up
But it happens to be true and so it goes
Elvis mustang had a short career
So be careful with face book and karaoke that's all I know

Tick me off again
And see the flare of my pen
Once I could say naught
Now I can say and not be caught

So it's up to you gang up on the side you want
But think now and then
Before you tick me off again
Hesitate before you say amen

Years have passed so leave it at that
You see where it's at
It's at the flare of my pen
So tick me off again

Sometimes I write good sometimes I write bad
No it goes this way
Sometimes I write bad sometimes I write awful
Sometimes I write crazy sometimes I write serious
Sometimes I write rhymes sometimes I write delirious

Sometimes I write after before I write before
I never have any visitors come to my door
It's hard for people to understand me but when they finally do
At that time my visitors are zero more

I need to have a balance so I must change
Far too many love poems have been written by my name
Eyelook4u what kind of name is that
Do they think I've been married 4 times
Or was I hit in the head by a baseball bat

So I will write more crazy or normal subjects
As my brain begins to think
Besides I am already use to 0 comments
So I have no comments that stink

The real reason is this I must say
For a long time I have taken a chance
Each and every day
If that girl ever finds out about all those love poems
I'm in really big trouble

He got a doghouse letter
From the half that is better
Now sparky's on a chain
Pretending to be tame

What did he do he doesn't have a clue
So for the time he's in a bind
And he's gonna play it cool

Why is he always the last one to know
Guess he'll find out any day
There was an extra note from the half that is better
Here's a clue written on my shoe stay in the doghouse and pray