Humor Poems (1,868)

I have talent - by my own assertion-
And it seems that lately, many more agree;
Though writing chiefly now in the first person-
Is that person I now write of - really me?
Far be it now, for me to cast aspersion -
On many (or even any) of my deeds;
For it is merely all "poetic license"-
" I'm " the poet that the critics cannot silence.



© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

This year the Easter Bunny isn't so funny. He only left candy for those with money. It's true. And even though he is new he is stopping in every yard to leave a little poo. Once you see the damage he can do, you're finished and through. One sight of this fuzzy, little critter makes you determined not to be a quitter.

Break out the guns cause here he comes. Hopping here and there. Let them try to hit him once. He still refuses to be their lunch. There is only one of him against ten boys and men. Poor bunny. They try this each year again and again. When will they realize he is always going to get his way and win?

What will the children do? Can't explain it. The bunny will show on Easter Day. Children win games, hunt for eggs and play all as the Easter Bunny disappears for witness protection where he will stay. Until he returns next Easter Day!

Someone yelled, "I want those men."
But ol Abe answered "You can't have them."
"Take my daughters but not the men."
"Take the girls you can have them."
"
these men are my guests.
"Daddy give em your wife or maybe Lots too.
"We wanna stay home with you."
"What makes you think yo have a choice?"

"T"s no womens lib yet not for a while
"So go with the men and flash your blg smile."
"Take my daughtersthey are all yours,
Take them to a motel take them next door.

Pink is soft and pretty. It reminds me of the cotton candy you buy at the fair in the city. Pink on a kitten's nose and little toes. Pink when a baby is first born. A fuzzy, pink blanket to keep you cozy and warm.

A pink sunset that surely you will never forget. Living life with no regret. The pink sky warns that there will be morning storms. Stay inside where it is safe and sound. Listen to the rain as it comes down. Once again the pink sun shines bright. All in the world is perfect and right.

Pink brings me much comfort and peacefulness. It is simply the Best. Whatever the weather all I do is jump into my favorite pink sweater and it all comes together. I will love the color pink forever!

Hey,
Love sucks,
Run and shout,
We are not Spartans!
It does not take long.

To break into an illuminati dance,
Skirts are not for men in sneakers,
Pulling back the stings of their Looney bow strings,
Selfies we are not nor will we ever be,
Bring your pussycat dolls and test our Lego bricked defense!

Do not write a poem,
when silent speak in silence.

Do not feed the demons,
biscuits and watermelons.

Do not say to sitting ducks,
that they're fierce dragons.

Do not give lame excuses,
to play with trolls and maidens.

Do not kiss and tell,
Venus you want more.

Do not speak in riddles,
when fools are in the middle.

Do not break q promise,
to bring joy and smiles to all.

Do not leave without q comment,
or I'll call mum to shoot you!

To hear my cat snore make me lol until I am rolling on the floor. The photos shake off my walls and neighbors beat down my door. They wonder as I what's she doing that for? Some are lol too while others stay a little sore.

She's my mama cat sweet, dear, loving and fat. A rescue senior at that. She is signed up for AARP and when she sneezes she has to run to pee. It's all good for 103.

By tomorrow she will start talking in tongues, sleep walking and stalking me for fun. Oh, I know she's not all bad. Without her snore life would be such a bore. Never had a cat that could snore so loud. Purrrrhapes she is deaf and doesn't hear how loud? But of herself I'm sure she is proud!

Going to sleep lately is something that I dread. Come to find out there are monsters under the bed. At first I thought it was all in my head. Until one of them ask for water and a slice of bread! Oh, dear don't know what I should do. I mean what if it happened to you?

One is green the other yellow I think one could be a nice bed fellow. I don't care. I just wish someone would take them elsewhere. They can be scary when making sounds and whisper. I believe they may have a younger sister. I try to be polite by calling them Mr. As I tell them goodnight. But no way will I turn off the light. I'm afraid they just may bite.

There are monsters under the bed. I tell my friends but they don't believe a word that I said. I call others on the phone asking how do I find them a new home? I can only pray that soon they will go outside to play. Then, I'll change my locks on my door and there will no monsters under the bed anymore!

See the cops,
Got behind me,
And they,
Pulled me over,
And they,
Took my license,
And impounded my truck,
Then cause I,
Got arrested,
And I,
Missed some work,
Now the,
Boss is telling me,
That I dont have a job...,
Then cause I,
Had no money,
Now I have no honey,
She ran away with someone else,
Now they can pay her bills...,
Pour me a,
Nother drink,
Cause I dont,
Wanna think,
Yeah the liqours,
Like a waterfall,
Now I dont care at all...
Im gonna,
Drink it all away,
Drink it all away,
Drink it all away,
Yeah yeah yay...

To market,to market with my uncle Jim.

Someone threw a tomato at him,

Tomatoes dont hurt i said to him.

This fxxker did because it came in a tin.