Humor Poems (1,868)

It’s a black black night
Reflectors everywhere
To keep my path right
No moon and only two stars
Holding tight
It’s a black black night

It’s a black black night
Cane fires burning
Ironically is an amazing sight
Headlights beaming
Bitumen steaming
It’s a black black night

It’s a black black night
Radio’s dead
There’s music in my head
I can hear the words said
It’s hours to my bed
It’s a black black night

It’s a black black night
Peering eyes from roadside
White lines can not hide
Every noise multiplied
Eyes open wide
It’s a black black night

It’s a black black night
Driving miss daisy
Feeling kinda hazy
Don’t want to be lazy
I think I’m going crazy
It’s a black black night ........

Shakey needed out, out from the soft motor cul-de-sacs of the consoled.
18 and agile, he yearned to play the margin, walk the thin line.
Adopting the heady North Korean hairstyle of the self-assured he exited the leafy vanilla streets and joined the gaunt bus terminals of the fugitive.
Penning his travels, he became a one man poet of the moment delivering sonorous polyrhythmic exercises in moral decline from a leather attache case in the jazz basements of the avant-garde.
Too caustic to be urban chic, this enfant terrible of the leisure set came to the notice of Fancy Nancy, one-time darling of Eurocommunist sambuca parties, a veteran go-go girl of the atomic age.
Donning a neptune blue necktie a la Pierre Cardin, a licence for larceny in the swing set of the political elite, he toured with Fancy Nancy in a lizard suited carnival of the extreme. Public moral outrage circuited the exercise extraordinaire and the duo were consigned to a life of tortuous childcare, parent teacher encounters, and a passion for home entertainment system upgrades.

A nurse is giving a young medical intern a tour of the hospital.
The intern approaches one bedridden patient and asks,
“Why are you here?”
The patient replies, “Wee sleket cowerin’ timrous beastie/O, what a panic is in thy breastie.”
The intern moves on to the next bed and asks the same question,
“Why are you here?”
The patient answers, “O, my luv is like a red, red, rose that’s newly sprung in June.”
The intern moves on to a third bed and asks again,
“Why are you here” to which the third patient replies,
“The best laid plans of mice and men, may often gang awry.”
At this the intern turns to the nurse and asks,
“What ward is this anyway.”
And the nurse answers, “It’s the Burns Unit.”

My inbox said, connecting singles you have new mail
My toes curled, the rush of blood made my face pale
Who could it be? Had someone enjoyed my smile?
Was my search over after many an endless mile

I quietly connected with an unsteady trembling hand
That feeling of emptiness vanished to some other land
The red lit button seemed to mesmerise my gaze
My eyes misted over in tears involuntary haze

My new beginning was just one click away
Oh how I sought for this to be our lifelong day
With hope and trepidation your message I read
How I wished you would be the butter for my bread

Helo, how isn’t you, I do not like alcohol or smoke
I see your profile, it say you pretty nicey bloke
I look for love it say you want to do the sames
Pay my fares pleese, I meet you when comes on trains

I much height womens my years older is twenty eight
I comes to you me nevers turns over late
Much love for yous it says pleads my hart
Plees to reply to ******.com for our massage to start

Could this be it my mind said with a bounding plea
I felt so weak I virtually sank onto one knee
My tattered heart pleaded you was not another scam
Another lonely night spent with a plate of chips and spam

Anger
rage
never
rises
mouth
high

Irritation
sometimes
retching
reaches
upper
regions

rich
fulsome
ruminant
memory
ascends
blissfully

food
chilli
salami
salmon
all
mingle

ah
so
passes
this
lovely
saturday!

A dwarf has his reasons
never discuss
the finer points of pole vaulting

Poetic tomes, grammatical strife
in a high piled, white tiled, scrabble life
consonants collide
vowels vault
the sentence structure isn't neat
a faulty concept incomplete
I'll have to have another try
this poetry nonsense is do or die :)

Knock, knock no one is at home,
To greet me or read my poem,
Shall I wait here a little longer,
Or leave a message for them to read later,

Twinkle, twinkle little blinking star,
Will you come and stay with me awhile?
Night wind playing with my curly hair,
Will you take me up to visit Mr. Moon?

Ding dong,ding dong on my grandfather's clock,
Its time to go to bed and meet the jumping sheeps,
I'm afraid of the dark and hide under my sheet,
Will daylight come and bring mummy and daddy to me soon?

Holy holy to my Father and his Son Jesus Christ,
Not forgetting the holy ghost aka Spirit,
Please take care of me
From this dangerous place,
And save my family, friends and enemies!

A man is lying on his deathbed
the priest comes in and says
"Son I want you to renounce the Devil and condemn his evil"
the man says nothing, so the priest says a little louder
"Son I want you to renounce the Devil and condemn his evil"
still no reply
Exasperated the priest says
"My son, you may have only one hour to live, you should renounce the Devil and condemn his evil"
the man opens one eye and says
"Father until I know which way I'm going I'm not about to antagonize anybody"